1980s power ballads a must as Trump brings on End of Days

I can see why Alan Jones relies on Laura Branigan's Gloria to fire up each morning. Providence, or at least a Spotify algorithm, jolted my eyes open to this MTV marvel just last week as, straight off the VA842 to Tullamarine, I wailed down the Peninsula Link to Main Ridge in the new Mercedes-Benz E400 (lacks grunt, but cockpit is sumptuous). Think Jerry Maguire belting out Tom Petty's Free Falling as he burned away from the Cushmans' ranch in Odessa, Texas, or Hugh Grant re-immortalising the Pointer Sisters' Jump as he descended the stairs of No. 10, backwards. God it felt good! And what I grossly lack in leading man attributes I more than compensate for with Smooth FM's rhythmic fidelity indivisible from my very pulse.

I was on the Mornington visiting a friend, his tennis court so newly excavated that I pass its builder's placard at the front gate, my moon boot discarded on the passenger-side floor, crushing a McDonald's bag.