Well, the old ones are the best. Bangalore rocked and rolled to the familiar strains of an English batting collapse, the familiar sight of a crushing Indian victory.
By winning the third Twenty20, India also secured the series 2-1. England thus ended their subcontinental tour battered, befuddled and beaten in all three formats.
Even by the golden standard of England collapses, this was a belter: their last eight wickets falling for just eight runs in 19 balls. In a way, it was the ultimate act of team solidarity: win together, lose together, get out more or less all at the same time. "Very disappointing," captain Eoin Morgan said. "We haven't produced a batting performance as bad as that in two, 2½ years."
By the end, the procession of English batsmen had teetered into the realms of farce: the blithe abandon of a team dreaming of home and hearth, who knew that in more senses than one, their time was up. Yuzvendra Chahal, a rookie leg-spinner of guile and persistence but no great mystery, ended up becoming only the second man to take six wickets in an innings at this level.
"We were completely outplayed," Morgan admitted. "We're going to have days like that." To which the only possible response is: really? Well, why? Great teams do not see crushing defeats as part of the inevitable cost of doing business.
And if England do aspire to be among the very best, they will need to prove that they can learn from thrashings like this. Quickly, too: yesterday marked four months until England get their own Champions Trophy underway against Bangladesh.
Still, if there was any silver lining to a display this invertebrate, it is that England will no longer be able to avoid these pointed questions. And perhaps foremost among them is why they have consistently failed to produce their best cricket when the heat is on. Of their last 11 finals or deciding matches of a series, this England white-ball side has now lost eight, going back to their meltdown in the Champions Trophy final of 2013.
It is becoming more pattern than coincidence. Morgan had an alternative theory. "The pattern doesn't lie in the last game," he said. "That game in Johannesburg [last year, in a series England eventually lost 3-2], we could have gone 3-0 up. When things are going your way and an opportunity to win a series presents itself, you've got to take it."
Perhaps, after a long Indian odyssey stretching back to November and the forlorn Test tour, this was just one game too far. Bangalore is perhaps the glitziest of India's venues, with its dancing spotlights, resident DJ and hip young crowd. It pricks the senses and raises the temperature. England, mentally if not quite physically exhausted, had no answers.
With the bat, they recovered from a poor start but fatally allowed pressure to build. Joe Root's 42 was the top score but he also ate up 37 balls, and when he departed England were facing a required rate of almost 14 runs an over. It was a weary, disjointed innings, and probably paved the way for the carnage that followed.
With the ball, they probably allowed India to score around 20 runs too many. India had lost Virat Kohli to a silly run-out in the second over, but after Suresh Raina and Mahendra Singh Dhoni accelerated, the improving Ben Stokes and the quietly excellent Moeen Ali managed to pull things back.
Whereupon India helped themselves to 40 from Chris Jordan's last two overs, attempted yorker after attempted yorker landing in the slot and disappearing into the crowd.
Still, 203 was a reachable target - if England got a good start. But Sam Billings was caught at slip first ball, while Jason Roy heaved a useful 32 before giving it away again with a top-edged sweep off Amit Mishra. That left the innings in the hands of Root and Morgan, and although the former looked frustratingly out of nick, Morgan bailed him out by taking Raina's only over for 22.
By the time Chahal re-entered the attack, England needed 89 off 42 balls, with plenty of wickets in hand. Cue the Benny Hill music. First went Morgan, sweeping straight into the air. Root was lbw next ball, and Chahal's final over brought the wickets of Moeen, Stokes and Jordan. Jasprit Bumrah mopped up the rest.
It was embarrassing for England, who have a month to recharge before they go to the Caribbean for three one-day internationals. Time enough, certainly, to ponder why a series that began with such promise could have ended like this.
The Telegraph, London
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