Details are only now emerging of Pope Francis’s career as a bouncer at a Buenos Aires nightclub. The downtown establishment, known as Le Cochon Aveugle, was run by a Frenchman known locally as Gaston, who was rumoured to have emigrated to Argentina to avoid the unwelcome attentions of the Surete.

It was here, negotiating with minor gangsters and ladies of the night, that the future Pope honed his diplomatic skills, and adopted some of his more fragrant vocabulary.

In the course of time the club became the nocturnal rendezvous of a group of off-duty Jesuits, who seduced Bergoglio into the order. The rest is history.

“According to the assessment of the confessor and taking into account the good of the penitent, it is possible to absolve and admit [the divorced and civilly remarried] to the Eucharist, even though the confessor knows that it is, for the Church, an objective disorder.”

So reads the new pastoral document issued by the Sicilian bishops’ conference. The argumentation is taken partly from Amoris Laetitia, and partly from general principles adduced from Evangelii Gaudium.

There can be no doubt that if it was the Holy Father’s intention to change the doctrine of the Church on matrimony and divorce by stealth – that is by encouraging local autonomy – he is having a considerable degree of success.

We in the Ordinariate – with a long and painful experience of the workings of Provincial Autonomy in the Anglican Communion – view these developments with something approaching alarm.

It is not simply that the toothpaste can never be returned to the tube; it is that it is almost impossible, once the principle has been granted, to restrict the operation of local or regional autonomy to one topic. Everything is soon up for grabs in a free-for-all in which the centre cannot hold.

 

In our new series, agony uncle Justin Welby answers your questions.

Questions should be addressed to:
The Most Reverend, the Archbishop of Canterbury,
Lambeth Palace,
London SE1 7JU

 

 

Dear Archbishop,

I have recently suffered an unexpected set back in my career, and, as a grammar school girl, I find myself vulnerable to bullying public schoolboys in my place of work. I believe I still have useful work to do, but wonder if I can go on under such stress. What do you advise?

Theresa, Maidenhead.

Dear Theresa,

I am the last person to give advice about dealing with Old Etonians. But my own experience is that success at work is not everything. Indeed I have very little of it myself! Fulfilment comes in many ways: home and family; nature and the countryside; sports and hobbies; foreign travel.

My advice is to get out more. When I feel bogged down by the intransigence of things (and believe me I do!) I just jet off to some far flung place and put it all behind me.  Believe me things look different from an African or Far Eastern perspective.

Of course, as the Archbishop of a world-wide Communion of over 85 million people, there is always somewhere to get away to. You may find it more difficult. But there must be somewhere – Dalmatia, Casablanca, Bognor – where you can be yourself.

‘Quality time for me’ – that’s what you need.

The nebulous nature of Anglican doctrine (‘what the Church of England is teaching for the time being’) has long been the butt of humour. Now its emptiness is official.

The Diocese of Truro (proprietor one Tim Thornton, soon to be elevated as bag-carrier to the Archbishop of Canterbury) has advertised in The Guardian (where else?) for a ‘Strategic Programme Manager’ for its ‘Transforming Mission’ initiative.

S/he, the advertisement tells us, ‘need not be a practising Christian’.

How this faithless missioner will increase faith is not explained. But one can be sure that the mealy-mouthed managerial-speak in which the job is described will have alienated any red-blooded Christian at the mere reading of it.

The unbelieving applicant would, nevertheless, need to be ‘sympathetic to the aims and objectives of the Church of England’. Whatever they may be.

The same tolerant and inclusive language will no doubt be useful in the forthcoming appointment of a new bishop.

In a surprise announcement Cardinal George Pell has withdrawn from an Ordinariate ordination next Saturday.

The Cardinal, who was intending to stay at the Oxford and Cambridge Club (see O&C below), has given no reason for this sudden withdrawal.

Commentators are speculating that it is related to the forthcoming publication by Melbourne University Press of a book giving details of the police investigation into allegations of child sex abuse, and interviews with alleged victims.

It emerged recently that the DPP of Victoria was close to a decision about prosecution.

For readers with no Italian, an official English translation has been issued:

To all School and House Prefects

The Headmaster has asked me to write to you all on the subject of Absits.

It has come to the Headmaster’s attention that boys have been seen in the town at coffee shops, tobacconists and – in some instances – bars. This may lead to association with undesirable elements.

Prefects are reminded that they are in positions of trust, and that the rules regarding Absits apply to them as well as to other boys.

The Headmaster needs to know the whereabouts of all Prefects at all times. They may only leave the perimeter of the school with a duly authorised permit, and for legitimate reasons.

Signed,

Angelo Card. Sodano
Deputy Headmaster.

In our new series, agony uncle Justin Welby answers your questions.

Questions should be addressed to:
The Most Reverend, the Archbishop of Canterbury,
Lambeth Palace,
London SE1 7JU

 

Dear Archbishop,

My Muslim friend Selima started it all when she took me to the madrassa.  I got very interested in Islam, and now my parents are afraid that I have been radicalised. What should I do?

Rachel, Sutton Coldfield.

Dear Rachel.,

As everybody knows, Islam is a religion of peace. So I would say to you, not to worry about radicalisation.

Of course all religions have their hotheads. Good heavens even Anglicans burnt people at the stake centuries ago! The truth is that we are all aiming at the same things and going to the same place. In a world where there is so much religious ignorance and illiteracy, it’s a splendid thing that you are learning about Faith.

Go on with it, I would say!

Personally, I have to tell you, I find it so refreshing and reassuring to hear of a young person who is concerned about the spiritual things of life.  When you come to think about it (as I have had reason to do only recently) there is practically no difference between the teachings of Jesus and Mohammed, after all.

Muslims, of course, do not believe that Jesus was the Son of God; but that is also true of many members of the Church of England. So it’s as well not to make too much of a fuss about it. There are more important things in life.

The only problem, it seems to me, is the Muslim attitude to women. We in the Church of England are committed to the absolute equality of all the sexes. And we even have women bishops to prove it. In some Islamic countries women are not even allowed to drive a car! There is a real problem there.

I don’t know what sex you have decided to be. But if you can put up with outmoded attitudes like that, I say good luck to you.