I have always felt like an introvert and an extrovert. Put me on the perimeter of a mosh pit at a punk show or thrust me into a four-star dining experience with more conservative people, and I'll adapt to either situation - usually happily. In both instances, however, I'm relieved to return home, throw on pyjamas and have sole reign over the TV. People are exhausting.
It turns out there's a third option. I recently found out about the term "ambivert", which is not part of the original Myers-Briggs Type Indicator; it's a category for those of us who have introverted and extroverted traits, but don't quite fit in either category.
And for me, Forbes' checklist "9 Signs That You're An Ambivert", is spot-on: I can perform tasks individually, as well as with a group. I can socialise like a champ, but tire of it. It's fun to be the centre of attention - for a brief interlude. Some people think I'm unobtrusive and reserved, while others wish I'd take a breath between sentences. Too much downtime leaves me crestfallen, but without enough quiet reflection, I'm worn to a nub.
Being a 43-year-old, single ambivert who desires a long-term relationship but telecommutes and lives alone is far from easy.
To remote acquaintances, ambiverts are a misunderstood bunch because our moods are unpredictable. For example, if an ambivert wants to leave a get-together, she wants to leave right now, not after her date has said proper goodbyes to everyone. Mingling is entertaining until it isn't, and then my brain's "public exuberance" switch flips to the off position, and all of a sudden I'm done. It's arduous pretending to be cheery when I'm sapped. I thrive in tranquil restaurants, one-on-one with close comrades.
I will never be truly satisfied while unattached, but in every other respect, I've done what Science of People suggests ambiverts should do: I have found my nourishing people. I have solid friendships with intelligent, supportive women. Plus, the camaraderie I have with my parents, sister and nephew.
So, while I anticipate a day when I might chance upon romance again, I'll continue to alternate between house parties and being housebound, staying true to my natural tendency to surround myself with like-minded people, go home to replenish and return to the world at large when loneliness surfaces. And if I am ever in a long-term relationship again, it will be with an exceptional and fortunate man who also digs the self-checkout line.
Washington Post
0 comments
New User? Sign up