My name is Liam Mannix, and I'm genuinely sick on the day after Australia Day.
And the day after Australia Day may be the worst day of all of to be sick.
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Australia's Day off
With the national holiday on a Thursday this year, how many people are taking a sickie today for a long weekend?
Hundreds of thousands of Australians will be chucking a sickie today. According to the Australian Chamber of Commerce, 180,000 people will skip work today in South Australia alone.
They will gallivant across the nation's cities and suburbs, soaking up the sunlight, enjoying the smell of freshly-cut grass and the freedom of an illicit four-day weekend.
Well, live it up, chums, I say. And thanks for ruining it for the rest of us.
I worked the 6am shift at Fairfax on Australia Day. I went to bed last night with a sore throat. I coughed my way through the night, Butter Menthols providing scant (but delicious) relief to my ravaged sinuses.
I awoke to the buzzing of my alarm at 5.20 this morning - my nose cold and wet and dripping like some sort of overexcited Labrador.
I stoically tried to drag my husk of a body from the covers, feeling extremely miserable, before deciding: nope. Nope nope nope.
This was already too hard, too miserable. I sent an email to my editor. Sorry boss, I'm sick.
I suspect they don't believe me.
So sceptical are the Fairfax editorial leadership of my real malady, they asked for an opinion piece about what it's actually like to be genuinely under the weather today.
Well, here's my answer, editors: it sucks.
When you're sick on the day after Australia Day, nobody believes you.
Not your bosses. And especially not those taking fake sickies. That may be the worst part.
I imagine that if I were willing to contemplate leaving the house today, the streets would be awash with people taking fake sickies.
These corporate drones, who rarely get to see a Friday morning that doesn't involve a cubicle and a shot of terrible instant coffee, would probably give me a wink, a knowing smile.
A conspiratorial handshake.
Well done, they'd whisper, we've got one over the bosses here.
Welcome to the fraternity of fake sickies.
To you, I say – no! I don't want your conspiratorial handshake! I renounce your wink!
Can't you see I'm dying over here?
It is you, ordinary Australian, who is ruining being sick on the day after Australia Day.
You are ruining it for the rest of us.
As though we, the miserable invalid, are not suffering enough;Â now we are made to suffer the slings and arrows of great mistrust from our bosses.
I hope you enjoy your long weekend, you jerks.
Yours, Liam.
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