Daniella's Story:
It was the night that changed Daniella Rule’s life forever. Her and her teenage sweetheart, Kevin had just begun their family journey with nine beautiful daughters to call their own. Hannah, the youngest was just a few weeks old. The phone rang at the Rule residency, which alarmed Daniella because she wasn’t expecting any calls. But from the moment she answered, she knew something wasn’t right.
“The doctor told me that we needed to get to the hospital immediately and that something was wrong with my husband... My mind was moving at a million miles an hour but before I even had time to breathe the phone rang again,” she said.
“It was at that moment I was told my partner, lover, best friend, husband, father of my nine children had passed away.”
“As I put the phone back on the receiver it hit me that I was now a single mum with nine daughters and I had no idea how I was going to do it all alone.”
Battling mixed emotions:
A few weeks after giving birth to our ninth daughter, I found myself a widow and my children without their father. It was a very traumatic period of our lives, with potential to crumble us as a family unit. In saying that, I did go through the grieving process as we all do when we lose someone with the disbelief, the anger and the realisation of it all. My nine daughters ranged in age – from the youngest being just a few weeks old to the eldest growing into a young lady at the age of 17.
It was at a very crucial part of my life where my emotions were all over the place, having a baby and then losing my partner. I was faced with the prospect of doing it alone and the thought of him never coming back was heart wrenching. How am I going to get through this? It was fine when we had visitors checking up on us but when they left, I saw the tears, the squabbles, the tantrums, the quiet, and the heartache in my girls… the pain was sometimes unbearable. I remember being at the cross-roads as I did consider buying alcohol – I thought this could numb the pain. Then as quick as the thought came in... it left. My daughter Angela walked in, she was contemplating deferring her university studies. She said, ‘Mum I’m not going to give up- I’m going to do it for Dad and tears flooded my eyes. I knew there was no way I would seek comfort in alcohol. I looked at my daughters and made the conscious decision this was not going to break us. I needed to put their needs first because they are my children. I need to love them, support them, encourage them and raise them the best way I can. I didn’t have a lot of wealth but I had a lot of love.
"I was determined to keep moving forward and to continue to do and live every day as normal as possible for my girls sake."
One of the things I did was put their father’s photo up, so Hannah, my youngest, grew up knowing the face of her Dad. In keeping his memory alive, I encouraged the girls (as hard as it was) to talk about their Dad as Jessica so often did. One of the hardest was when she stamped her feet and demanded she go to Heaven to see her Dad. She was 3 years old. I had to explain that she couldn’t go as Mum needed her here. But she wanted her Dad. It was this realisation that she would never see him again that aches even to today.
Trying to keep things normal had its moments. It was a few weeks after the funeral when Aleisha had her pre-primary mother’s day pampering. As I was sitting down getting pampered as with all the mums’, tears began to fall yet again. Aleisha just looked and gave me a big hug. But I was determined to keep moving forward and to continue to do and live every day as normal as possible for my girls sake.
"I seeked help because I found when my daughters saw me happy they were happy."
The first year was the hardest, although overall we tried effortlessly to support each other at times, this was difficult. Each daughter had they’re own challenges, such as their first year at primary school or the first year at high school - finishing high school and studying at university. Education was such a powerful tool for me in terms of stabilising them. School was a safe environment with their friends and learning along the way, it was normal. My continued efforts to keep them in school and after school activities such as netball and modelling helped me with keeping them focused and gave us all structure and routine, which is what every family needs. Nevertheless, it was still hard in so many ways… like walking into our local shopping centre where so many times my husband and I took the kids shopping. It became so unbearable that soon enough, I found myself shopping at another centre. Then I knew I had to make that step to return and one day I felt ready and just did it. I suppose each step forward of my journey made it easier as each new day passed. Although it seems so little it was a big step to me. It was a big step for us all.
The healing process:
I accessed a support service that allowed me to be counselled over the phone. I felt like this was beneficial for me as laughter soon consumed my house and I didn’t feel guilty about laughing anymore. My happiness was my daughters, my focus continued with them. I found when my daughters saw me happy they were happy. My mum and my siblings, family and friends continued to support me by visiting and the phone calls their support was given in various ways and it reminds me how family is so important through times like this. It was like everyone contributed in some way whether I saw them daily or intervals during the years.
I would also write my feelings in a diary, this sort of released emotion that I didn’t want to burden anyone with. Also releasing the stress of everyday life kind of helped in a lot of ways. It was personal with me and my diary. Sometimes when I just needed to be alone I would often go in my car (the kids wouldn’t find me here) and just look at the stars and start talking. It was another release for me. If I felt like I needed a good cry I put on some music and just let it all out. I would sneak back into the house wash my face lift myself up and continue on with it. My outlook was - I’m allowed to fall but I need to get up. I always get up.
I sought refuge in prayer I felt like my strength came from God. My values have been influenced from my beliefs. I didn’t want my girls to grow up to be angry at the world I wanted them to aspire to be good and do good things for themselves and others. This started at home, Shenika took on a lot of her fathers duties, like mowing the lawn and cleaning the yard.
Music also helped a lot. I would often listen to music to encourage me, to make me smile and to keep me active. Also to remind me how lucky I am I would always consider other peoples stories to uplift and inspire me. I began to be thankful for all I have I began to realise there is always someone worse off than me. Although times were extremely hard I had nine healthy children, a home and a not so good car but it got me to school and netball. I was thankful.
"Making the decision to return back to work 16 months later was the best decision I made."
Making the decision to return back to work 16 months later was the best decision I made. I wasn’t as my mum would say “moping around the house” anymore. However this brought on new challenges like juggling fulltime work and parenting alone. Learning how to balance everything and everyone like drop off at day-care, school and high school became easier with practice.I felt blessed I had the older girls to support me, family, colleagues and a great workplace that allowed me the flexibility to take time off for sick kids. I became busy signing up to school committees to help support the education of not just my own children but all Aboriginal children in our schools. I wanted to display reconciliation by being involved in the wider school community and do my part in my community. This helped me in so many ways thus helping my girls.
Our house is still filled with chaos at times, squabbles, the occasional tantrum, tears, and laughter. Most importantly it is filled with love and laughter and this is where my ultimate strength comes from, the love of my family and knowing I need to be happy.
Family Rules Ep.6 airs tonight 7.30pm on NITV Ch.34
Catch a sneak peak of all the other Episodes at SBS On Demand
