Rachel Hoffman is no Marie Kondo.
"I'm what I like to call a reformed messy person," explains the author of Unf--- Your Habitat.
![Mess can be overwhelming, but it's manageable when we break it down.](/web/20170123115108im_/http://www.smh.com.au/content/dam/images/g/t/v/3/2/2/image.related.articleLeadwide.620x349.gtv2m8.png/1485118826483.jpg)
"I'm not naturally tidy, and cleaning has always been a bit of a chore for me. It's not something I feel like I have an innate ability to do, it's something I've needed to constantly work at."
Hoffman realised that "there are more people like me out there than there are domestically perfect homemakers" like the clutterless Kondo.
![Try a 20/10 on your dirty dishes.](/web/20170123115108im_/http://www.smh.com.au/content/dam/images/g/t/v/3/2/i/image.related.articleLeadwide.620x349.gtv2m8.png/1485118826483.jpg)
But, aside from the moral judgments others make about it, living in mess can negatively affect our mental and physical health.
Dust, mold, and pet sheddings that collect in messy homes are all bad for allergies and asthma. Mess also makes it harder to relax, it can lead to anxiety and guilt, can inhibit creativity and affect performance.
"I think our environment can reflect a lot of what's going on inside of us," Hoffman says. "It's very difficult to be calm in the midst of chaos, and finding yourself surrounded by an overwhelming mess can be disheartening and depressing.
"So many of us see the state of our home as some kind of reflection of our self-worth (even though it's not!), and a mess can so easily make you feel like a failure. And for those who have mental illnesses, chronic illness, chronic pain, or disabilities, this can be even worse, because when you're not physically able to do a whole-house clean, it can all seem a little hopeless."
![Often messiness is simply a quirk that needs putting in its rightful place.](/web/20170123115108im_/http://www.smh.com.au/content/dam/images/g/t/v/3/2/j/image.related.articleLeadwide.620x349.gtv2m8.png/1485118826483.jpg)
A Marie Kondo approach is unrealistic – even overwhelming – for many people. But Hoffman believes that becoming too minimalist and obsessive about decluttering can be as unhealthy as clinging to stuff.
"When you're constantly focused on paring down and throwing away as much as you can, or 'decluttering' until you reach some ideal state of minimalism, you're not really interacting with your space and your stuff in a healthier way than if you were constantly focused on keeping everything you've ever known," she says.
"There's this idea that minimalism is something everyone should strive for; that it's better and healthier than everything else. But that's not true for everyone."
Rather, when deciding what to keep or throw away she suggests asking these questions:
- When was the last time you used something (if you can't remember then you don't need to hang on to it)
- Are you going to need it in future (some phases – like the bell-bottoms – are best left in the past)
- Are you keeping it in case you need it (you have a camping kit that you've never used and you don't like bugs or sleeping rough, but might use it one day? Forget it)
- Do you feel guilty for spending money on it in the first place (keeping something indefinitely when you don't use it isn't going to get your money back)
But, "stuff" is OK, she insists.
"I feel that it's far better to try to work with the stuff you have and need and enjoy, to try to make your home an environment that you can relax in and enjoy, rather than being on a nonstop quest to get rid of everything you own."
So how do we do this and have a healthier relationship with our stuff?
"I think the best way to have a healthier relationship with your stuff is to exert some control over it," says Hoffman, whose insightful, frank and entertaining book, is based on her eponymous blog. "When you're surrounded by a mess, a lot of the time, it feels like the mess is in charge. We personify it, we let it make us upset, we let it affect our happiness and self-worth.
"Cleaning is mostly just moving stuff from the wrong place and putting it in the right place. It doesn't have to be this huge thing that takes over our lives. By making a few small, positive changes as often and as consistently as possible, we have the ability to start to enjoy our stuff again, rather than feel like we're drowning in it."
One way to avoid drowning in mess is to forget marathon cleaning efforts and opt for 20/10s.
"A 20/10 is 20 minutes of cleaning, followed by a 10-minute break," she writes in the book. "The break is not optional. Breaks are important for a number of reasons, mainly to show that you can stop when you need or want to, and also because they interrupt the thought process that wants to turn a cleaning session into a marathon."
She adds: "How many you need to do is determined by the size of the task; a large project many require many of them, broken up over several days' worth of work. One of the good things about 20/10s is that you can decide how many you want to do at any given time. Had a long day at work and don't feel like having to spend a lot of time maintaining your house? One or two 20/10s will keep things neater without driving you completely over the edge."
As well as offering general tips on how and when to clean and setting mini challenges (set a timer for five minutes and gather as much rubbish as you can to throw away before the timer goes off), Hoffman gives perhaps the most important reminder of all: "You do not have to unf--- everything all at once."
Why are some people messy?
Messiness is often misjudged as laziness.
Messiness, in fact, is the natural state of all children until age 6 or so when they develop the requisite motor and behavioural skills to create order, according to Dr Theodore Shapiro, professor of psychiatry at the New York Weill Cornell Centre.
As for the rest of us, psychiatrist Marcia Sirota says there are two types of messy people: those who are disorganised and those who are suffering a psychological disorder.
The first type often become overwhelmed by "stuff" and, unsure of how to find a solution, allow mess to build up. They simply need help breaking it down into manageable chunks, a la Unf--- Your Habitat.
The second type of messy person may be depressed and feel helpless, suffer ADHD and not be able to cope with trying to stay organised or be a "chronic non-cleaner".
"Chronic non-cleaners are living in an unpleasant, smelly and unhealthy environment, but don't seem overly upset by this, which is in itself a sign of a serious problem," Sirota explains. "Many of these individuals have a mental disorder which allows them to create mess and then live in it without concern."
For most of us however, messiness is just a quirk that needs putting back in its rightful box.
"Most people find that when they exercise some control over their messy homes, even just a tiny bit at a time, they can start to enjoy being in that space again," Hoffman counsels, "and you'd be amazed at the effect that can have on your mood."