Jonathan Milne: Is that an apologetic wave – or did you just give me the finger?
A thank you wave when someone is let into the traffic is a hopeful sign that we are learning to think of others.
OPINION: I cut in on another car on the motorway this week.
I'd failed to notice our two lanes were merging, so I came up the inside then was forced to pull in front of him.
I knew I'd done bad and wanted to give him a contrite wave to convey my apologies. The trouble was, I mused, it might look like I was being a smart-ass: cutting in, flipping him a smarmy gesture, planting my foot on the gas and accelerating off into the distance.
By the time I'd over-thought it, the moment was gone.
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I start with this story of my own failings as a driver, because I wouldn't for an instant want to suggest that any of our readers would make mistakes behind the wheel. God forbid.
A friendly wave or an apologetic wave may be misconstrued - but some gestures require no translation.
I'm sure you are all unfailingly exemplary drivers, regrettably forced to share the roads with half-blind buffoons who clearly got their driving licences in a cornflakes packet.
Indeed, New Zealand driving does seem to have improved a little in recent years. We've slowed down, we indicate more, we're a little more patient, we let people into the line of traffic more, and when someone else lets us in, we wave our thanks.
What we're not good at, however, is admitting our failings as drivers. Most of all, we hate being criticised.
Today we report some tips from overseas drivers that would help Kiwis drive more safely. Keep your headlights on in the daytime, flick on your hazard lights at the end of a tailback, don't overtake on the left, and more.
Inevitably, however constructively these suggestions are phrased, many people will bridle at the perceived criticism. How very dare they!
At the height of last year's vicious vigilante enthusiasm for grabbing car keys from overseas drivers who were deemed below par, Prime Minister John Key was forced to point out that Kiwi drivers were just as bad as tourist drivers, if not worse.
Nobody thanked him for that.
Driving cars seems to bring out a certain streak of uncompromising, unforgiving (and often delusional) self-belief. In our daily lives, we may be able to admit to ourselves that we're not the world's best at cooking or cleaning or DIY, but we all kid ourselves that we're good drivers.
When someone else cuts in on us on the motorway, or fails to give way, or uses the wrong turning lane, or blocks the intersection, we fume with rage.
We don't consider that they might have their own story - the husband rushing his pregnant wife to hospital to give birth being the cliched example. Nor are we willing to cut them some slack for making simple errors.
Yet we can usually excuse the same mistakes in our own driving.
The increasingly common "thank you" wave when someone is let into the traffic flow is a hopeful sign that we are learning to think of others when we drive.
Now we need a similar wave of apology when we make a mistake.
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Writing about waving to people on the roads may seem a trivial thing to talk about on the weekend that Donald Trump is sworn in as 45th President of the United States, and violent protests erupt on the streets of America.
Protests across America against Donald Trump's inauguration this weekend were a reminded of how deeply riven that nation is.
But if we can learn some empathy for another motorist who accidentally finds themself stuck blocking the intersection when the lights change, perhaps too we can learn to empathise better with those from different walks of life, different religious and political persuasions, different races and nationalities.
If we can give a sympathetic wave to that driver stuck, red-faced in the middle of the intersection, then perhaps this election year we can also avoid some of the anger and schisms in our community that have so riven the United States.
- Sunday Star Times
