Top 10 Emojis: Official meaning vs best use

Unicode is preparing to release a major new version of its code.

Let's be real for a moment: as a visual shorthand, emoji still has considerable shortcomings. Most of the faces are white, there are precious few that demonstrate a hangover's awful power, and there's no "cheese" or "sausage".

Despite that, the world has taken to Unicode's colourful little symbols with gusto: Cher's Twitter feed is full of them, there was an Emoji-only video for Beyonce's Drunk In Love, and artists like Oneohtrix Point Never and Carla Gannis have harnessed the power of emoji in the name of true creative expression.

So, on the eve of a whole new world of emoji – mid-2015 is the expected arrival date for 37 new emojis including "taco" and "zipper mouth face" – here's a tiptoe through some of the most crucial emojis, what they're officially used for, and what their true meanings are.

Official Meaning: Smiling Face With Sunglasses

True Use: Perhaps the most important of all emojis, Cool Dude is more than a graphic: he's a way of life, nay, a guru. Beyond his status as possible saviour of the known universe, Cool Dude is the perfect way to say everything, much as not-especially-cool dude Ronan Keating once sang, when you say nothing at all.

Official Meaning: Woman With Bunny Ears

True Use: Turns out it's only on Apple devices that this particular emoji displays as a pair of dancing girls; everywhere else, she's a single Japanese "Playboy Bunny"-esque character. But if an Apple device is your game, as it is mine, then the dancing ladies are shorthand for "let's hit the town" on a good day, and "dance on the corpses of your best friend's enemies" on a great one. 

Official Meaning: Pear

True Use: You might think it's just a humble piece of fruit, but in this year's most hilarious news event, the pear took over the comments section of rapper Rick Ross' Instagram after he decided to "shout out [to] all the pear" in an interview about his healthier diet. Here's how we can help the pear emerge from its lowly position as 570th most popular emoji: when the conversation is over, it's time for at least 15 rows of pears.

Official Meaning: Whale

True Use: Forget the awkward tortoise: nothing says "welp" like dropping a whale in the middle of a fizzling conversation.

Official Meaning: Pile Of Poo

True Use: Like Cool Dude, Smiling Poo is a multi-use emoji, if you tend to have multiple reasons to drop this enigmatic bit of scatological humour. (Amusingly, he is officially referred to as "A pile of poo that is shaped like a soft-serve ice cream. Brown in colour with a friendly smile".)

Official Meaning: Party Popper

True Use: The "celebration trumpet thing" comes in real handy whenever you need to celebrate some news that wouldn't have been out of place on an episode of Maury: congratulations, you are not the father/it's just a UTI/your ex was arrested for snow dropping!"

Official Meaning: Melon

True Use: jk nobody ever uses the fancy melon emoji, just wanted to make sure you were paying attention.

Official Meaning: Information Desk Person

True Use: "Information Desk Person"?? Girl, please, this is clearly a lady giving the most dismissive hair flick in history. Or at least, that's what she should be used as: she comes in most handy for all those "sorry not sorry" moments in life – and if you're not having many, you should do something about it, [hair flick emoji].

Official Meaning: Money With Wings

True Use: A single Money With Wings = "I just transferred you the money for dinner"; Ten Moneys With Wings in a row = "I just went to the stocktake sales"

Official Meaning: Neutral Face

True Use: Stick face is the ultimate emoji for moments of thin-lipped disbelief. It's especially useful when followed immediately by "Expressionless Face" for a step-by-step walkthrough of a "shutting your eyes in utter disbelief" occasion. Like your boyfriend inviting four of his exes to the party.