A few weeks ago I started watching Gilmore Girls on Netflix. I’m now on the final season and today I caught myself at work wondering what to do about Rory. Rory is a fictional character and even if she were real I am not her mother. I don’t need to do anything about or with or for Rory.

Our kitchen on my floor at work is always a bit depressing. It’s not spacious and there’s rarely freebies. Today I walked in to get a snack from my lunch bag and there were sandwich leftovers from a meeting and pickles. I took all the pickles and half a sandwich.

A rash of employees have been resigning from my place of employment lately. On Wed I learned someone on my team gave their notice and I walked over to their cube and wondered aloud “Is there anything else of yours that I need to claim now because I won’t be here for most of your last week?” Her response was, “Oh we’re working on a transition plan to divvy up my workload but that’s really nice!” How cute that she thought I meant work tasks when I really wanted to take any of her unwanted office swag.

I am buying a new bed. For a day or two I debated a King size, but I’m just upgrading to a Queen. I need new everything. I dunno who shall end up getting my business but I’ve been scouring the internet trying to figure out an IDEA of what I want for the frame. Nothing calls to me. I am also buying a coffeemaker and nothing has been amazing in that category, either.

I want to go a set period of time wearing only dresses. I think this is just me dreaming excuses to own more clothes. Perhaps April will be 30 days of dresses/skirts. A no pants rule 😉

I move in two weeks, possibly less. And I go to Portland next week. Time flies when you’re…. watching all the episodes of Gilmore Girls on Netflix.

I love advice columns. I read all of them: Dear Abby, Miss Manners, Carolyn Jax, Dear Prudence, etc. I have decided to take a stab at giving my own advice, but since no one sends me questions I am taking the questions that the columnists have already answered. In this post, I will give advice to the questions Dear Abby answers here: http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/2015/2/4/separated-husband-feels-ambushed-by-stealth

I did not read Abby’s advice before writing my own.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been separated for a year. I have been seeing another woman in a city nearby, and my wife is aware of it.

I took my lady friend out for dinner recently while visiting her in her town. A couple from home who know my wife and me were also eating at this restaurant. I greeted them as we walked by their table.

The next day, my wife approached me and showed me a picture of me and my date that had been taken by this couple without my knowledge. I was furious about the invasion of privacy. My wife claims I am just angry because I got “caught.” If I were worried about getting caught, I wouldn’t have been in a public restaurant in a city frequented by people who know me.

What are your thoughts on people who secretly take photos like this? Do they really think they are doing their civic duty? — VIOLATED IN IOWA

Dear VIOLATED:

First, congratulations on picking such an awkward name for me to use in addressing you. We’re starting off great. To your point, I don’t think anyone’s civic duty is to play detective in another couple’s business. I am sure they use some other term, such as “sleuthing” but I would use the word “creepy.” It is one thing for a friend to report on your duties to your ex, it is another to take photographic evidence. I think you should wait until emotions from your wife are calmer, then discuss your feelings with her. If indeed you greeted them when you walked by, why did they feel the need to document your presence? Based on your question, I can’t tell whether your wife knew you were actively dating. I hope you gave her a heads up prior to jumping into the dating pool, but there’s no justification for under-handed photography. If I were your wife, I’d question why my friends were trying to make me dislike my soon-to-be-ex-husband but that’s not something you can control. Also, to readers who may be inclined to take photos for reporting behavior to other friends: be a friend, not a snoop. And if you’re  a snoop, make sure your confidante doesn’t blow up your spot. Rookie mistakes all around.

DEAR ABBY: I’m 30 and have felt pretty happy with my life. I enjoy my job, my social life, staying fit and extensive stays abroad. I thought I was going along OK, even though there is still room for improvement.

My biggest (or most obvious) shortcoming, however, is that I’m not attractive in any way, and guys have never been attracted to me, so any chance at a future with someone is not an option. I thought I was learning to accept it, but it’s harder than I thought — especially because of reactions from other people.

Now that I’m older, people look at me with pity or treat me strangely. I don’t know how to handle the constant questioning about whether I have found someone yet. It is not going to happen. Is there something wrong with me? I’m starting to feel like a total loser and complete failure. — LOSER IN LOVE

Dear Loser: <– great names this week

A change needs to be made in how you view yourself before you bring someone else in. You’re not a super model but not all men are hunks, either. Even attractive women need a good personality and their own interests to have a healthy relationship and it doesn’t sound like you’re working on that part of yourself. Buck up your self esteem. Find a friend to do a makeover on you. Spruce up your wardrobe. Start fresh. Build your hobbies and watch your life flourish, and romance will come after. Also, watch the episode of Nip/Tuck where Christian has sex with the ugly chick and makes her put a paper bag on her head. You don’t want to be her.  (this scene is what I am talking about).
And to everyone: if someone makes you feel bad for being single, feel bad for them for being co-dependent and judgmental.

‘Till next time.

xoxo, Melanie

I have done three zombies as my core undead army. Since I talked about it so much in this past post, I thought I’d post a photo of my three so far.

Octo-Zombie (note the detachable legs), Zombie Kid, and Zombiepillar.

I’m not really keen on zombies. I don’t handle gross stuff well, and to me zombies are gross. The Walking Dead is filmed here in Atlanta and I honestly don’t care. That show skeeves me out so badly.

Anyway, I’ve discovered the one type of zombies I can handle: Handmade ones. I got the book Gorgeously Gruesome Zombies and I’ve been making zombies ever since. If you look at the reviews, people get pretty ticked that it doesn’t actually include everything you need to start making your first zombie. However, being a crafty person I had all the supplies needed even if they weren’t PRECISELY the proper supplies (for example, I used thread instead of embroidery thread). To make the “Zombie Kid” included with the book, you’ll have to supply a needle, black thread, red thread, and glue & scissors. I’m pretty sure everything else was included.

These dudes are time consuming. Each one I’ve made has taken probably five hours total to complete, and I do it in phases because I have a life and because sometimes one interrupts zombie-making for video games.

Anyway, if you choose to buy this kit, here are warnings:

• as mentioned previously, this doesn’t actually contain everything you need to make your first Zombie Kid
• once you make your first one, you’ll fall in love with his cuteness. His tiny mangled arm isn’t even disgusting!
• the supplies to make these are quite cheap, so just do it.
• once you make a few you will start zombifying everything in your mind. “Oh I could make that out of felt and add some gruesome injuries” and then you start thinking of embellishments. Nothing is the same ever again.
• you’ll get callouses. I kinda hate hand sewing but this little undead army is going to be worth it.
• These zombies aren’t real. Like, they don’t ooze anything and they won’t eat your brains. So don’t chop off their heads because for pete’s sake you just glued it on!

Blogging in January is a lot like going to the gym… everyone is doing it because of their New Year’s Resolution.

Well, the joke’s on you because I did not resolve to blog more. I also didn’t resolve to blog less.

Keep on keepin’ on.

I love doing laundry because I’m pretty obsessive about clean clothes. Now, I will reuse outfits, but at the same time, I just like full options when picking out an outfit.

I recently took the plunge to purchase a tiny washing machine. It holds six lbs of laundry and can hook up to a sink in order to get water and to drain. I ordered the machine off woot which means I took a chance on a refurb unit. It arrived dented as hell and just poorly handled. I attempted to return it but there was no exchange, only refund. My boo fixed up the denting pretty well and set her up in my bathroom (which is big as… Kim Kardashian’s ass, btw) and I did laundry all day yesterday. I was too cheap to splurge on the miniature dryer, because I line dry a majority of clothing, and the dryers are on property so I’m just happy to have more control over washing. And it’s just so damn adorable. Even if I upgrade to a full size washer, I’ll keep this as my bra machine.

This is the washing machine I bought:

Haier Portable Washer