![Health Minister Sussan Ley, popping off for a very important official ministerial appointment.](/content/dam/images/g/t/o/w/7/7/image.related.afrArticleLead.620x350.gtqpqa.png/1484297275936.jpg)
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Opening scene.
Host: Welcome to Selling Homes Australia, where we find the perfect home to match the buyer. But to be a really good agent you have to truly understand your Client and their personal idiosyncrasies, coz every buyer is different. Take this week – we're looking for a luxury apartment for Susan. Now, I notice Susan spells her name Sussan, with an extra S. That's the sort of detail that a good agent will pick up on. I did some digging around and discovered that Sussan added the extra S herself to her name because – and yes, this is true - she's a passionate believer in numerology. People like her believe numerical patterns in letters and names bring you good luck! So will numerology change Sussan's fortune and help her find the right property? We're about to find out…
Scene 2.
Host: Hello Sussan, before we talk about exactly what sort of a luxury apartment you're looking for, can I just ask you … does this numerology thing really work? Can you change fate simply by adding an extra letter? Does it help you in your work in healthcare, for instance? Can numerology make sick people better?
Sussan: Of course! Part of my job is running Medicare, yet no matter how hard I try, I can never get any of the numbers to add up! But then during the election campaign somebody added an S to Medicare and made it Mediscare! And hey presto! We won! See! Numerology works!
Scene 3.
Host (to camera): I've since found out that Sussan is indeed extremely good with numbers; she had the fourth highest taxpayer-funded expenditure of all her colleagues from Jan 1 to June 30 in 2015 including more than $105,000 on charter flights and $11,800 on family travel costs! In total, she claimed almost $650,000. Clearly, I've got a canny buyer on my hands here!
Scene 4.
Host: Sussan, you asked me to help find you a luxury apartment on the Gold Coast. But what puzzles me is why not Albury or Hay or somewhere in your own NSW electorate?
Sussan: Heaven forbid! I wouldn't want to spend a moment longer in those dumps than I have to! Plus, there are two Os in Gold Coast, so that's obviously a good sign. But it's also where my BFF Sarina Russo lives – she's a squillionaire and she's got three S's in her name just like me and she likes to donate heaps to the party, the New Year's Eve party I mean! – and my hubby has a business up here too! So it's all about convenience and not having to commute too far when I charter my own private jet. I mean, where would you rather spend every New Year's Eve – Palazzo Versace or the Deniliquin RSL?
Host: Yes, very good point. Location, location, location! You also said you'd prefer to buy at auction. Why is that?
Sussan: Well if I know in advance when the auction date is then I can spontaneously decide to bid at it.
Host: Er, yes, I see. (to camera): Clearly, Sussan is a woman who enjoys the trappings of the high-flyer lifestyle, and the Gold Coast offers plenty of that! Indeed, Sussan is such a high-flyer that she has her own pilot's licence! But she's also shrewd with her expenses. She'll quite happily charge the taxpayer $7000 to pilot her own plane from Canberra to Adelaide, when of course she could just as easily pick up a normal flight for $190. Now, you can only admire that sort of entrepreneurial thinking. Clearly, this is a woman who is going places – and usually on the public purse. But no matter how far and wide she travels, her heart lies in this delightful little corner of South-East Queensland, amongst people like her – the high-rollers and the party-donors and the party-throwers.
Scene 5.
Host: Well, Sussan, I think I might have found just the place for you! The auction is tomorrow so it's very fortuitous timing that you happen to be up here on important government business, just in case you spontaneously decide to buy it! It's a beautiful apartment with an ocean view, and the previous owner was clearly a man with your own tastes – a Liberal party donor! And the best bit is – wait for it! – it's in Surfers Paradise! With three S's!
Sussan (squeals): I love it! You can see all the way to Movie World! The gold taps! The spa on the deck! It's so me!
End scene.
Host: So, did Sussan's numerology bring her good luck and help her find the right apartment? Well, let's just ask that large group of reporters gathering over there…
AFR Contributor