In a stunning about-turn, a Reddit-user has apologised for years of fat-shaming and trolling overweight people.
The user, Roundrobinater, has drawn praise and criticism from other users with more than 1600 comments since his lengthy post yesterday revealed the reason for his remorse and sharing his disgust at his former "ignorant, mouthy, judgmental, abusive" self.
![Turn-around: From fat-shamer to apologiser.](/web/20170113022146im_/http://www.smh.com.au/content/dam/images/g/t/q/c/v/j/image.related.articleLeadwide.620x349.gtqcz8.png/1484260222470.jpg)
"I am the one who was giving you dirty looks in the grocery store," the post began. "I am the one who rolled their eyes at you in the restaurant. I am the one who shared that insensitive meme.
"I am the one who wouldn't play with you in elementary school, teased you in middle school, and pretended you didn't exist in high school.
"I am the one telling you it is your fault. That you're disgusting and you're just lazy.
"I have trolled this very subreddit before.
"But I'm not anymore."
He went on to explain that he had grown up lean, excelled in sport and "took for granted" eating whatever he liked without gaining weight.
"I did not understand how someone becomes fat, I thought I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was a conscious decision people made," he explained. "Having this thin privilege handed to me my entire life I thought weight loss was like any other goal, it just took organisation and willpower.
"I hated fat people. I was enraged that my taxes were going up because they were using the healthcare dollars. I felt cheated when one sat next to me on the bus and spilled over into my seat. I didn't want my daughter to have overweight friends because I thought they were a bad influence. I didn't hire them at work because I thought they were weak and unmotivated."
His attitude, he says, only changed when he was injured at work and he was bed-ridden for six months. Now inactive, he couldn't get away with eating just anything anymore. But, bored he turned to food for entertainment and comfort.
"I didn't realise how much more I'd been eating. Instead of coffee for breakfast I was having a couple eggs and a package of toasted waffles just to kill more time before I went back into my injury limbo," says the user, who describes himself as a 6-foot-2 guy with a deep voice, a shoulder-length beard and tattoos. "Not three hours later I'd make myself a big sandwich, with soda and chips, I'd eat dinner with my family but some nights it was so uncomfortable sleeping in my bulky cast that I'd end up eating a second dinner. You can see where I'm going with this."
Three months later, he had put on nearly 13 kilograms.
"But I was in denial. I shrugged it off and told myself once I was healed it would fall off without any effort on my part. I also told myself I'd cut back on the sweets."
He didn't and the weight kept climbing.
"By this time I'd bought all new bigger clothes under the guise of these being my "injury clothes". I even joked that they were my "manternity" clothing."
When he returned to work, he moved to a desk-bound job and felt "agitated, hungry, disorganised".
Again, food provided comfort and distraction and despite promising himself he'd get back in shape, he found exercise suddenly uncomfortable and unenjoyable.
His doctor ordered him to lose weight and see a dietitian.
"I thought 'I don't need a dietitian, weight loss is just about sticking it out'. I went home and got rid of all the junk, I gave away all my Dunkin Donuts cards, and bought heaps of fruit and vegetables, I ate a boiled chicken breast and steamed broccoli for dinner and I wrote down the calories. And I thought 'This is easy. See? Pathetic fat losers just can't put down the fork because they care more about their superficial wants than their health. Well, a strong guy like me isn't going to fall for that. I've been to hell and back in my lifetime, this is nothing.'
"3am, after a restless night, I got in my car and drove half an hour out of town to buy Chips Ahoy cookies. And I ate them alone in my truck. Not one or two of them. All of them. With a half litre of coke. I looked up and I couldn't even remember the exact moment I decided to go to the store or exactly how I'd talked myself into it. It was just a visceral frenzy.
"Then I started to realise I might have a very real problem."
He spent months trying out various fad diets and exercise plans, but was overwhelmed with cravings and disillusionment at his lack of willpower.
"I was awash in guilt and shame and downright misery. At some junctures it was a guilt as powerful as I'd felt when my mom's house was foreclosed on because I didn't make enough to take care of my family and her. It cut so deep I would have done almost anything to stop it.
"I kept telling myself I could do this on my own and it was a test of strength and nothing I couldn't handle."
Despite his denial he noticed his attitudes shifting for the first time towards others who were overweight.
An old "fat-person" meme popped up on his Facebook feed one day and he decided to unfriend the "ignorant" person who had shared it.
"It was a Facebook 'memory' of a post I'd shared three years prior. I went and deleted it off my timeline reassuring myself I'd made up for that by now.
"But the tipping point came one week ago.
"I was power walking through the neighbourhood, sweating bullets, feeling really proud of myself for not stopping for a breather in almost twenty minutes, when some guy drove by and made pig noises out his window at me. I was broken. I've been in bar fights, I've been hospitalised, I grew up with not one but two abusive stepfathers, I'm a fighter. But I was so hurt and broken and embarrassed that I just stood there. If some guy had done that to me when I was thin, there's a good chance I'd have hurled a rock at their window. But I couldn't think of anything to say or do because this time, on some level, I agreed with them."
He wrote that this realisation shocked him because he'd now been "trying my hardest" for years to turn his situation around.
"I had to sacrifice a job I love, I haven't had sex in months, I buy all my clothes online, I dread going out into public, I try any diet that sounds promising, I undergo intense physical and psychological pain in an effort to get back in shape. Who is this guy to judge me? But I was that guy," he wrote.
"I went to a dietitian today. It was the first time I'd stepped on a scale without diverting my eyes since my surgery. The few times nurses had weighed me I told them I wasn't interested in what the number was. And I stopped seeing the doctor long enough ago that I can't pinpoint exactly when. I have an appointment with her next week at the advice of the dietitian.
"I'm 289 pounds (131 kilograms).
"And now, in this same subreddit where my old account, that was so toxic that I've since taken it down, was banned from, I'm coming for help."
He proceeds to apologise for fat-shaming and for "each and every one of you who has ever been unfortunate enough to cross paths with a volatile prick like me who sought to make your personal private health concerns their business".
The post finishes by saying that fat-shamers are "ugly on the inside" and don't deserve forgiveness.
"They don't deserve your attention, your wholeness, your love, or your time. They're ugly on the inside. I'm getting my soul in shape alongside all this, and I've done a lot of good work, and I've got a ways to go. But just..... just know that for whatever it is worth I was wrong. And I am sorry.
"I've got a new eating plan from the nutritionist and an exercise plan too. And I'm going to work it as hard as I can. And even if I get to be 160 pounds of rock solid muscle and go on to win an iron man challenge, I'll never be stronger than I had to be when I was fat."
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