The Rocky Horror Creative Liturgy

Biretta Tip: Fr Tim

The 20th Sunday in Ordinary Time (or whenever)
(adapted from All Together Now!! The Canmore Book of Common Worship)

The non-hierarchical procession will process to the open access sanctuary with reverence. They may greet and hug ‘particular friends’ in the congregation on the way there. A Communion Table will be set with a rainbow cloth, abstract sculpture and multicoloured candles. Joss sticks may, or may not be used, as appropriate

Leader (for it is she): In the name of the Mother, the Sibling and the Heavenly Dove from above.

People: Amen (or they might say “Yeah”, or “Right” or “Whatever”)

Leader: Hullo! And Welcome to St Julian the Apostate’s Creative Liturgy

And now for our opening song “Gather Us In”

Gather Us In!
Here in this place inanity is streaming; now is the doctrine vanished away;
see in this space our neuroses and daydreams, brought here for us in the light of this day.
Gather us in, the wacky and loopy; gather us in, the blind and the lame;
call to us now, and we shall awaken; we shall arise at the sound of our name
We’re are the young, our lives soooooo boring; we’re from the sixties and we’ve found OUR place;
we have been sung throughout all of history, called to be light to the whole human race.
Gather us in, the middle class haughty; gather us in, with the spliff and the bong;
give us a hymn, so bleek and so tawdry; now we can join in this terrible song!

First Reading
There will now follow a reading from the letter of St Hans of Kung to the Romans
“Zis is so unfair. Other high profile theologians get a cardinal’s hat but I am cast into outer darkness. But yea, I place my faith in the pushy English Catholics who will ensure “Infallable” in the libraries of most Catholic Chaplaincies.”


Psalm (ICEL tr.)
The Mother God is my shepherd
I’ve got quite enough, thank you
Sh/e lets me repose in green organic pastures

Sh/e is true to her name.
If I should walk where there is all sorts of unpleasantness, I won’t be anxious.
You are there with a nice cup of tea and some counselling.

You have prepared a vegan-friendly spread in the sight of all those ghastly trads. My head you have anointed with cold pressed, extra virgin olive oil (or it might be aromatherapy)

Surely, goodness, hugs and togetherness will follow me all the days of my life.
And in the Earth Mother’s bender will I dwell, for ever and ever.

Gospel:
A reading from the Gospel according to St John of Lennon
“Peace is the answer. War isn’t. Yeah”

The Liturgy of the Pebbles

The celebrants will take a stone (nice ones from Ikea) from a black plastic bin that represents the Pit of Ecclesial Despond. This stones represents any act of patriarchy, misogyny, racism, homophobia or other nastiness inflicted on the member of the congregation by the Church hierarchy or society at large. They hold it close to their heart and then place reverently on the altar, having turned that stone into an intention to perform some act of charity (animal activism/sisterly solidarity with excommunicated women bishops or priests on a boat/going on a Stop the War demo)

There will now follow a placing of the stones on the altar

A piece of Aztec Pan Pipe /Native Indian chant/Aborigine music or whale singing may be played

The Liturgical Dance


A first (male ) dancer dressed all in black (looking like a Dementor) will seek to inflict oppression on a poor, frail female dancer (Everyperson - in white). From all sides of the building, other strong, women dancers, dressed in rainbow colours will join with the Children from the Children’s Liturgy Group (“The Kidz”) who will cast out the horrible priest-bishop figure and join in a joyous skipping dance with the Everyperson figure around the communion-table-altar thingy. Everyperson will grow strong

This could be accompanied by any of the following songs (“Spirit in the Sky” by Norman Greenbaum, “Earth Song” by Michael Jackson, “Blowin’ in the Wind” by Bob Dylan)

Bidding prayers
The response is: “WE ARE ALL CHURCH”

Let us pray for all wimmin in the Church – that the hierarchy will recognise their true place at the heart of the Church and give the big jobs – you know the ones with vestments and stuff. R: WE ARE ALL CHURCH

Let us pray for the people of Lebanon/Palestine/Afghanistan/Iraq/Iran (add the latest Middle Eastern hellhole here). We are so, so sorry and it’s all our fault. R: WE ARE ALL CHURCH

Let us pray for all oppressed minorities in the Church (you know who you are). And that this terrible, terrible pope, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, will not stick around too long so that we can have that nice Cardinal Daneels or Martini or better still a woman. R: WE ARE ALL CHURCH

Let us pray that Christians in China/Cuba/Pakistan will learn to know their place and stop causing trouble. R: WE ARE ALL CHURCH

Let us pray for all those members of Muslim community, so alienated by their life in this country with its free education, health and welfare systems that they feel compelled to blow themselves up on public transport. We pray that they’ll feeless alienated once the government allows them Sharia Law. R: WE ARE ALL CHURCH

Let us pray for the United nations. Despite 60 years of ineffectiveness, we still pray that all people of the world could, you know, just get along and stop being horrid to each other R: WE ARE ALL CHURCH

Let us pray for Barry and Nigel (or it may be Daphne and Erica) as they celebrate their first year of civil partnership together. R: WE ARE ALL CHURCH

Let us pray for Sr Rose of the Holy Name as she begins her new life as Spirit-Flame. We wish her well with her enneagram, crystals and counselling enterprise. R: WE ARE ALL CHURCH

Communion Get Together
A Tesco Finest Pitta Bread in a multicoloured bowl and an ethnic cup of Fairtrade Chilean Chardonnay (pre-consecrated by Father Barry, who may, or may not be present) is held aloft

Leader: THIS IS THE SYMBOL OF OUR UNITY TOGETHER – IT IS TO YOU, WHATEVER YOU WANT IT BE

Leader: Come and eat and be one

People: OK, that’s great

The bread and wine are passed around. As it is passed, the people say each to each other:

Person #1: This is the bread and wine

Person #2: How nice and inclusive

At this point more tasteful ethnic music will be played.

Finishing Rite
Leader: Let us pray. Eternal Good Spirit thank you for a nice liturgy together – it’s been so inclusive and warm and spontaneous.

The Sub-Leader: The liturgy is over – let’s go in peace and hey, be careful out there.

People: Amen to that (or they may say “Right on” or “Cool!” or “Whatever”)

Recessional Hymn

IT'S ME WHO BUILDS COMMUNITY
It's me, it's me, it's me who builds community
It's me, it's me, it's me who builds community
It's me, it's me, it's me who builds community
It's me, it's me, it's me who builds communiteeeeeee

Rolling over the ocean, roll over the sea
Go out into the world and build community
Rolling over the ocean, roll over the sea
Go out into the world and build community

It's you, it's me, it's us who builds community
It's you, it's me, it's us who builds community
It's you, it's me, it's us who builds community
It's you, it's me, it's us who builds communiteeeeeee

There will now be a gathering for Fairtrade coffee and organic flapjacks (may contain nuts)