Thanasi Kokkinakis had become so depressed with the mounting list of injuries derailing his career, he felt he didn't deserve to leave his house.
He battled a constant voice in his head telling him to throw in the towel, watching as those he once conquered as a teenager surpassed him on the big stage.
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The 20-year-old, who was once dubbed the future golden boy of Australian tennis, has endured a "horrendous" run with injuries that had him contemplating quitting the sport.
"It's always in the back of your mind," Kokkinakis told Fairfax Media.
"The frustration has killed me. The toughest thing is how much I've missed tennis the past four years with all the injuries I've had. A lot of the guys I grew up beating and being above – seeing them do so well and move past me – I thought I was there with these players.
"But I just got hurt all the time and couldn't make the most of momentum I built. It was horrendous. It was probably as low as any tennis player could feel."
Kokkinakis, who in 2015 reached a career-high world No.69 ranking, says he was depressed during his stint away from the sport, so much so he avoided the spotlight as he struggled to leave the house.
![Happy to be back: Thanasi Kokkinakis.](/web/20170105210112im_/http://www.smh.com.au/content/dam/images/g/t/m/l/s/s/image.related.articleLeadwide.620x349.gtmk05.png/1483617656330.jpg)
"I didn't want to go out while I was injured because I didn't feel like I deserved it," Kokkinakis said.
"That's just how I am. I feel if I have a good tournament, go on a good run or play a lot of matches, I feel like I'm deserving of going out and having a good time. I felt like I didn't need it or deserve it. If I went out I knew I would have a bunch of people asking me how the shoulder was and when I'm back. I have a really tough time lying to people when they ask me how I'm feeling. If everything was pretty average, I could have said I was close. But the tough part was that inside I was pissed off so I would rather avoid it.
"I reckon I got depressed. But I think that's normal for anyone when what you do and what your life revolves around gets taken away. You don't know what to do. I was trying to plan my days and spread things out so I would take up a chunk of the day. I really struggled to occupy my time. It was pretty shit to be honest."
Shoulder surgery in October 2015 was only meant to sideline him for two to three months, however complications saw him wait 10 months before his first competitive match at the Rio Olympics.
With his comeback story looking like reaching a happy ending, Kokkinakis lost seven kilograms in a few days while fighting a stomach bug before tearing his pectoral muscle at practice leading into the US Open.
However the worst was still to come.
"When I got home I was frustrated and thought if I couldn't do work on my upper body, I started running out of frustration," he said.
"I knew it would be good for me but I got a groin injury [osteitis pubis] from that up until now and I'm still trying to deal with it and get over it."
There remains a huge question mark over how he will pull up after the Australian summer.
But Kokkinakis knows it's not the end of his ordeal.
"I'm definitely not out of the woods with my injuries yet. But I just want a clean run at it."
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