Hi Anon,
This is actually a very good question; if we are already taking medication and it reduces our symptoms, it may be tricker for a psychiatrist to figure out if someone is already in recovery from something.
But if the psychiatrist knows what medications you’re taking, they should be smart enough to determine what type/class of med you’re taking and determine what the med is improving. Depression is a good example, as there are many medications that help reduce the symptoms of depression. So if I was to go see a psychiatrist and they ask me what meds I take, I would tell them I take cymbalta. Once again, if they are smart enough, they can guess that I am taking this medication for depression(and fibromyalgia).
I will say that there is a chance where the psychiatrist you meet with does not have this logic; therefore it is important to know the medications you take and what function do they have in terms of reducing symptoms. This should actually be part of your recovery: it is always helpful to know what your meds are doing for you and how they improve your quality of life. I know that if I don’t take my medication, my depression and bpd symptoms will get worse. I am also more likely to go back to drinking and other self destructive behavior. I always have to keep this in mind on a daily basis to avoid a relapse.
Keep Strong and Keep Moving,
Turtle Girl
Im sorry to hear you are struggling with fear and cannot enjoy anything anymore. I can very much relate to those symptoms and know how frustrating and hard it can be. It sounds like thinking about happier times is a way that you are coping, but it is understandable that you now feel disconnected from others. If possible, I hope you can consider reaching out to someone for professional help. You do deserve to feel happy again, and it is possible. You may find it helpful to make it a point to try to be social with others at least once a day, even if it is jut online or in a text, having a conversation with someone, more than just polite conversation, may help you feel more connected, if you aren’t socializing already. I am also going to link you to some other resources that you may find helpful:
Take care,
Ari
Anon,
It depends on the type of mental health professional you see(therapist vs psychiatrist), but overall the basics of a psych evaluation is the same. They will go over your demographics and the basic information about yourself(family, family history, basic life history such as school and work history, etc). They will also ask about the symptoms you’re experiencing, and also ask you about other possible set of symptoms you may be experiencing(for example; going in with depression, but also being screened for other diagnoses such as anxiety, schizophrenia, addiction,etc.
Ari also recommended this video: https://youtu.be/vcOm9V5tJz0 as a resource and added specifics to this ask. A therapist sits down with a psychiatrist and asks about the psych evaluation process. I have not seen it yet, but I’m going to check it out shortly. I hope you and other followers do as well.
Keep Strong and Keep Moving,
Turtle Girl
hey anon,
you’re going to be a lot more specific than that, i’m sorry. did you ask for it to be tagged any certain way?
stay safe,
kei
Hi Anon,
I think your worry is valid to an extent; as someone with bpd, sometimes I used to pretend that I was okay when I really wasn’t. This also was connected to people not getting back to me; but I have learned through the years that people are busy with their lives: whether it’s a job, school, family, etc. so your friend may also understand that you’re busy and that its okay that they don’t hear from you for awhile.
One thing you said does stand out to me though: “ I need a lot of time alone to figure things out.” I wonder if you mean you need time to process things(like me) and/or that your friend is exhibiting symptoms when they hang out with you, and then you need the few weeks to figure out what happened because you are uncertain on how to support/help/be there for your friend. I sense guilt in your ask; you may be worried because you are uncertain, which leads to not talking to your friend to awhile, which then leads to you apologizing and wondering if your friend is lying to you when they say “I’m okay”.
I would have a nice heart to heart conversation with your friend. If there’s anything that they do that worries you and results in not talking for awhile, tell her. I know for me, I rather someone be honest with me and give me their concerns so I can do something about it and change. You can also talk to her about if they are REALLY okay that you don’t speak to them for weeks at a time; they may stick to their story of feeling okay, or they may tell you that they aren’t okay. In this case, validate their concerns about how frustrating it can be for not talking to someone for weeks; then maybe set up a schedule or an agreement that you can do check ins once weekly or biweekly. That way, there’s more communication and your friend will feel good about the problem solving the both of you did; and this in turn can help your strengthen your friendship (hopefully).
I put in a lot, but I know some of these things have been helpful for me in terms of communicating to the other person about how I am feeling and find ways to find a solution. For someone with bpd, this is very empowering to me; it can be with anyone with any type of mental illness. I may or may not be off on the guilt theory, but since you do worry about your friend, I couldn’t help but wonder if there is some sort of guilt associated with not talking to your friend. Which I get on your side as well; sometimes I’m not good with talking to my friends either. And it’s something that I am still working on, because having a support network is SO important for me. So in a way, I understand both sides.
Keep Strong and Keep Moving,
Turtle Girl
Hey Anon,
The best way to talk to your doctors and have them help you is to report the symptoms that you are experiencing and that are affecting you. If you can before your next appointment, write down the symptoms and the frequency in which they exist. The more accurate you are, the most likely your doctor will believe that you need more help that what you are currently receiving. This includes medication and/or therapy; research shows that the combination of taking medication and therapy are more likely to help someone and decrease symptoms that using one or the other.
If you’re interested in learning more about bipolar disorder and it’s effective treatments, check out our helpful resources. I wish you luck in getting the help you need and deserve.
Keep Strong and Keep Moving,
Turtle Girl
hey anon,
we received your ask on the 26th and it was on anon. we’ll get to it soon!
stay safe,
kei
hey anon,
for many people their phone can be their only source of support and is a viable lifeline–especially in times of distress and unease. i know personally that i cannot make it through a day and that i’ve actually skipped school to come home and get a phone charger because my phone died on me. i just cannot deal if i don’t have a phone with a charge because it fuels my paranoia that something bad might happen to me and i won’t be able to call for help.
are you over reacting? possibly, but you’re not the only one who has! if you’re near a library or something or near a store try to 1) ask if they have a lost-and-found with phone chargers you can borrow for a while 2) buy a new charger. sadly phone chargers are expensive and i know this because i use an iphone and my god does it set me back a bit when buying new ones, but they’re so necessary.
most importantly, anon, you need to focus on calming down and relaxing. you will find a way to charge your phone, i know you will. maybe not in the next 15 minutes, but before the day is over.
here’s some tips we have on relaxation:
Relaxation
stay safe,
kei
Hey, I can definitely relate to this. I also do not want to hide my scars but also get anxious when I know summer is coming! Here’s the thing I have found, that it is all about confidence. Even if you have to fake it until it feels real, owning your body, feeling comfortable in your own skin, scars and all, and not feeling ashamed will bring you far.
You deserve to wear and feel comfortable wearing any clothes you want. It is your choice if you cover your scars or not, but honestly, I have come to find it kinda empowering to be able to wear a swimsuit or shorts or whatever I want, regardless of my scars. Of course it may be hard at first, but you will become less self-conscious over time.
Unfortunately, we can’t control the judgements, thoughts and comments other people make. People are going to say and do whatever they want. The thing you do have control over is how you respond to it. Having some planned responses will help. I personally have 3 different types of verbal responses i have used in reply to questions/comments. You may or may not like mine, but i will share them anyway as a suggestion for you:
If people are jerks and make rude comments and I dont know them:
I either just ignore them completely or tell them to shut up and mind their own business. (Honestly, this has only happened once to me)
If someone I don’t know asks about them or makes a comment that isnt rude: I tell them a stupid, funny excuse that clearly shows I am blowing off their question or comment. Like “oh these? I got them from training for the zombie apocalypse.” or “i fell in love/made love to a porcupine” or “the cat did it” If they keep prying, they get another ridiculous answer until they give up.
For people I do know, or am associated with/will be spending time around or people who seem to care /say something genuinely nice (like one person came up to me and said, “my daughter has scars too, im sorry you struggled”): I tell them the truth: “I used to hurt myself, but I have gotten help and am recovering.”
However you choose to handle questions/comments is your choice. Remember you don’t owe anyone an explanation.
Take care,
Ari
Tw: Suicidal ideation
Hey Anon,
Luckily there are tons of ways to distract yourself that aren’t harmful! You may have to try some before you find one or a few that are right for you. Some of my favorite lists break down the urge or thought by how you’re feeling. Listening to music can help me refocus instead of thinking about suicide. When you’re feeling a little more comfortable, I’d also encourage you to reach out a talk to someone about how you’re feeling. Suicidal thoughts are serious and talking can really help you understand yourself better and better adapt.
Here are other distraction lists:
~Christa
Hey Anon,
That makes sense! Ah, I sound excited because I just read a book about this. It’s called Undoing Depression. It really helped me understand that once we’ve been through enough episodes of depression, stuff in our brain gets hardwired to think that the “habits of depression” (think remaining inactive, pulling away from others) are what we prefer. Therefore, it makes sense that at some point, we have to re-learn how to be happy. Like learning any new habit, it’s going to feel uncomfortable at first, but you have to get through that discomfort so that the new habit can become easier.
So take comfort in the knowledge that you’re not alone in feeling like it’s more comfortable to be depressed. Know that you can re-learn to be happy and that this discomfort is just as temporary (and probably less so!) than the episode of depression.
~Christa
Hey Anon,
So, their first response might be that they feel it’s their fault. It’s important for you to remember that their first response is not necessarily the response that will last. I know my mom used to feel guilty when my depression got bad because she felt like there was more she could be doing to help. I brought her to a session with my therapist and having my therapist tell my mom there was nothing more she could do than support me like she had been helped a lot. Your parents care for you, remember that. Here are some other good tips about talking and opening up to you parents:
~Christa
I am sorry to hear that you have an unhealthy, possibly abusive relationship with your mother. I hope that you can reach out to someone about this, whether or not you find that what you experience can be considered abuse. Rather than type it all out again, I am going to direct you to this post on our blog that explains it:
In addition, you may find some of this info helpful:
Take care,
Ari
I am sorry that your family does not understand or seems to care about how much you are struggling. I can understand that it is very easy to jump into that apathetic mindset. I would suggest reaching out for help outside of your family, from a mental health professional or someone else you can trust. You said this has been happening lately, so I wonder if there was a time when they were more supportive? If so, it may be worthwhile to consider sitting down with them, possibly with the help of your GP, therapist, or someone else you trust, to explain to them how you have been feeling and what sort of support you need from them. I am glad that you are holding back from unhealthy impulses, even though it leads you to dissociate more. Keep trying your best to help yourself, and seek out professional help if you can, who may be able to work on your relationship with your family.
Take care,
Ari
I don’t think you did anything wrong, anon. I think the best thing you can do i this situation though is to sit down with your friend and talk with her about it. Let her know you are upset because you feel like she dismisses you when you are feeling down. Ask her why this is and what, if anything, you guys can do to work on your friendship. Keep in mind that friendships are meant to be balanced, if you are needing support/encouragement/advice/to vent more than her, or if you aren’t able to listen or be supportive to her more than she does for you, it may explain why she is backing off some. However, each friendship is different, so we can’t know what her motive is for this change, unless you ask her. You can assume all sorts of things but you won’t know what is the truth until you ask her about it.
I know it is really hard being scared that you are losing the only friend you can confide in, I have felt that fear and despair many times. I don’t think you need to give up on your friendship all together, but so that you have some support in the meantime, you may find that there are other people you can reach out to. If you don’t have friends who can be supportive to you, you may find others online who may be. Contributing in chatrooms/forums/social networking type sites for people with mental health issues, teens or some other category may be helpful as a way to vent, feel connected with people, and potentially make new friends. We have a page on our blog with possible forums/chats that may be worthwhile to check out. I hope things work out well and you can talk with your friend.
Take care,
Ari
(Pt. 2) really afraid of talking to someone… Its so difficult for me and I’m really nervous about the entire process. I saw a therapist for a while but I hated it so I stopped going. I know I need to face my issues… Its just so hard… Advice?
Most people start out by first seeing a counselor/therapist. The difference between them and a psychiatrist you can read about here: Psychiatrist, psychologist, therapist or counsellor?
Psychiatrists are just for medication, so unless that is a route you are considering, you most likely just want to start off by speaking with a counselor through your university. They will have some sort of process in order to match you up with a therapist. They may have a form you fill out, may ask you questions over the phone/in person or may have you meet with someone for an intake session, where you share a little bit about yourself and why you find yourself wanting therapy. Whomever you talk to first- possibly a secretary at the health office, will know what to do/who to set you up to see. They have had many students come in for different health services, including therapy, and they will follow their procedure to match you up with a therapist.
I wonder why you disliked your last therapist/going to therapy previously? You may find that with a different therapist, it may not be so bad. It also may be helpful to let your new therapist know that you hated therapy before so you can talk about ways to make sure therapy will be more helpful to you this time around.
I give you a lot of credit for knowing you need to work on yourself and for starting to take the steps to consider going back for therapy. It takes a lot of strength, and it shows you want to get better. I have faith in you that as scary and difficult as it may be, that you will work up the courage to reach out for help from your university’s health center. In the mean time, some of these resources may help you mentally prepare:
Take care,
Ari
(2/2)am i just being paranoid? does it really even matter if they don’t admit they were the ones at fault? it just feels like no one is ever on my side, but i’m also miserable where i live to begin with. i have such a hard time believing that my entire small group of friends could really be this horrible to me and not be the one causing it and that i’m just blowing things out of proportion.
I can’t tell you for sure if you are being paranoid or if this is actually happening. Regardless though, it seems like you are struggling a lot and you don’t deserve that. I hope that you can consider reaching out for help from a MH professional or confiding in a friend.
It may be worthwhile to consider having the conversation with your friends, being honest with them that you experience similar things at home and want to know the truth and/or that you would like them to make more of an effort to lift you up rather than bring you down. They may help you be able to point out times that they do say things that are positive, as it can be easy for us to overlook these things, and to validate you that you do not always make mistakes or say things incorrectly. If they are true friends of yours, hopefully they will be supportive of you and willing to help you feel more accepted, included and not belittled, so long as you can calmly and honestly explain to them your concerns and what you have been experiencing.
Take care,
Ari
Hey Anon,
We don’t have too much info on phobias but here is what we do have and some info on finding support:
Maybe some followers have other resources that they’d like to share? Anon, you’re certainly not alone.
~Christa
(following the previous part of suicidal and skipping school and contact from friends): I thought I would slowly fade away from my school and my social circles, and that I won’t have to see them ever again. I don’t mind seeing them in 10 years and maybe explaining my absence. but right now i just wish to slowly fade away. And I really really do not wish for anyone to worry about me. I am okay, really. I am healthy and fine. As long as I don’t have to contact those people. (part 2)
(part 3) I am very motivated to do the things that I like, such as reading and learning about coding and arts and all that stuff. Maybe I can pave my way, create a new identity, and travel the path less taken. I am completely completely okay and motivated. It’s just that sudden call from a friend of mine really just got me frightened. I was relaxed. I am okay if those people are out of my life. Really. Do I have a problem? I really want to start anew.
TW: Mention of suicidal ideation
Hey Anon,
It’s certainly not a problem to want to start anew. BUT, the fact that you’re feeling frightened when a friend calls is worrisome. It makes it seem like you’re running away rather than moving forward on your own accord. Definitely keep moving forward and keep doing the things you enjoy. If you want to cut these people out of your life, that’s fine. But consider that you may want to explain things to them. Keep in mind that they are likely going to worry if they never hear from you.
If you’re not comfortable answering the phone, that’s fine. I rarely answer the phone when I’m feeling bad. But I’ll make sure to write down that I’m going to call that person back and I make sure to call them back within 24 hours. When I’m calling someone, I feel like the conversation is on my terms rather than coming as a surprise. Here is an article on social anxiety disorder self help tips. You can also make sure that you do something relaxing, like mediate, before you call them back.
I hope this makes some sense. Ultimately, it’s up to you but I think you should try getting in touch with your friends.
~Christa
Hey Anon,
Could you email or text your psychiatrist ahead of time to say that there’s something specific you want to talk about? That can relieve some of the stress of bringing up something “out of the blue.” Or even just preface your discussion by saying, “there’s something I’ve been really wanting to talk about.”
Here are some other great tips for opening up:
~Christa
Hey Anon,
So I don’t know where you live, but if you’re in the US, Medicaid has been expanded in most states to be available to SO many more people and it’s VERY affordable. Here’s some information on that. Therapist can be so helpful that I really recommend you try and find a way to see one.
In terms of your friends, think of it this way - you’re not bothering them, rather you’re having a conversation with them. When they tell you how they’re feeling, they’re not looking for you to solve their problems, they just want to feel a little better by opening up. By telling them what you’re going through, you’re not only telling them that they’re not alone, you’re reciprocating the conversation. They won’t feel bad opening up to you because you’ve also opened up to them. Does that make sense? It will become more of a two way street.
Here are some other good tips:
~Christa
- make your bed to immediately make your room look more put together
- water first, then coffee or tea
- pray or meditate, even just for ten minutes, to set the tone for your day
- browse the news headlines ( & read the articles that interest you when you’ve got time)
- wear something you feel b o m b in
- listen to music while doing your daily activities-commuting, cleaning, cooking, exercising
- smile at at least two people
- smile at YOURSELF
- call or message someone you love
- eat food that makes you feel radiant
- make lists of things you need to accomplish for the day
- stretch for 10 minutes
- record in your phone the positive thoughts you have so you can remember them
- carry water with you (always always always)
- shut off your phone for an hour and have some ME time
- take a hot shower or bath at the end of a stressful day
- try to make plans to spend time with someone at least once a week
- think about 3 things you are grateful for at the end of each day
- do something calming, relaxing, and non-electronic 30 minutes before you sleep
- sleep pants-less
Hey Anon,
Here is a really good link with information about learning social skills. Talking to people and making friends is really all about practice. And people who will become your good friends will not reject you if you mess something up. Start small - try going to a coffee shop and make sure you ask the barista how their day is going.
In terms of being autistic and trans, I’d find communities online where you can be yourself. You’ll also likely be able to find other people in your situation. Here’s a huge masterpost of trans resources. Just knowing that other people are out there can help ease the feeling of disconnect and loneliness.
Here are some other great resources on dealing with feelings of isolation:
~Christa
|(( 2/2 ))| my therapist to think I’m trying to get them to abuse or sell. how do I tell them I’d like to try benzodiazepines instead of SSRI’s or anti-depressants for my anxiety without coming across like I’m wanting to abuse them? [tag as bearface]
I know this may not be the answer you were looking for, but honestly, the best thing you can do is be honest with your therapist about why you want to consider changing meds. I know it may feel awkward to talk with them about sex, but it is nothing they haven’t heard before, and the honest you are, the better. You dont have to go into detail about your sexual behavior, and they wont pry. Maybe say something like, “i have been experiencing sexual side effects from lexapro, and was wondering if i could try a different medication. I read that benzos may be another alternative, do you think thats a possibillity?”
Also, just as a sidenote, not all SSRIs and other types of antidepressants have the same side effects in all people. I have tried my fair share of antidepressants, and have noticed that some do cause sexual side effects and some dont. (i am also currently on lexapro and am also experiencing this. but have not on some other SSRIs and SNRIs.) Depending on your symptoms, your dr may or may not be on board for trying anti-anxiety meds straight away, and may suggest trying another antidepressant. Whatever the case though, you deserve to advocate for yourself, and they will be understanding and make a plan with you. They will not think you are trying to misuse them, they will trust you.
Take care,
Ari
- A: Alphabetize your CD’s or movies.
- B: Bake or cook something tasty, build a pillow fort, blow bubbles, blog, begin a mood journal, build a sandcastle, buy a plant and take care of it.
- C: Clean out your room, complete something you’ve been putting off, color coordinate your wardrobe, compliment someone (including yourself), chew gum, count backwards from 100, color with crayons, crochet, cut up fruits, crunch ice, create your own dance routine, call a friend, carve a pumpkin, color your hair, cook a favorite food, cuddle with a stuffed animal, count ceiling tiles, collect sea glass at the beach.
- D: Dance, draw, drink something healthy and refreshing, do jumping jacks, dress up, decorate your mirror with positive affirmations and favorite photos, draw on the sidewalk with chalk, doodle on sheets of paper, donate to the less fortunate, decorate a ceramic mug, drive to a farmer’s market.
- E: Exercise, eat your favorite snack, enter the secret door, embark on an afternoon adventure, enroll in a class.
- F: Fly paper airplanes, find oranges and apples in your fridge and draw silly faces on them, finish homework before it’s due, free write, fold origami, fly a kite, feed the ducks, birds, geese, and squirrels at a park.
- G: Go on a walk, get some fresh air, give yourself a facial, go on a long drive, go shopping, go to the library, garden, get a massage, give someone a hug, go to the movies, go to the grocery store and buy yourself some flowers, get a henna tattoo kit, give yourself a pedicure, go to the park and play on the swings.
- H: Have a picnic, hang out with friends or family, hug a soft toy, have a good cry.
- I: Invite a friend over.
- J: Join a gym or a club, jump rope, journal, jog, jump on a trampoline, join in on social activities.
- K: Knit something, like a scarf or a dishcloth.
- L: Listen to music, look through old photographs, light scented candles or sweet-smelling incense, learn another language, learn the alphabet backwards, laugh at jokes, list your strengths, lie outside in a hammock and watch the clouds roll by, listen to a guided relaxation (x, x, x, x, x), learn calligraphy.
- M: Meditate, make a smoothie, make a CD or playlist of your favorite songs, make a list of things you are thankful for, mail a care package to a far-away friend, make a collage with pictures of your favorite things, make friendship bracelets, make a glitter jar (x, x, x, and x), make a notebook filed with song lyrics and quotes you relate to.
- N: Name 3+ of your positive attributes, name all of your stuffed animals.
- O: Organize your closet.
- P: Play with a pet, paint a picture, piece together a puzzle, plan out your dream house, pop bubble wrap, practice deep breathing (5 counts in through your nose, 5 counts out through your mouth), play a board game or cards, play a video game, participate in sports, paint your nails a new color, print out your favorite bible verse (or quote if you aren’t religious) onto a card and memorize it, play a musical instrument, put on your favorite outfit, practice dance moves, punch a pillow, pull weeds in the garden, pop balloons, put on boots and stomp around, play with silly putty or play-doh, put together a scrapbook.
- Q: Quietly take some alone time to breathe, calm down, reflect, and relax.
- R: Read a good book, ride a bicycle, rock climb, read inspirational quotes, rearrange your bedroom furniture, rip up paper.
- S: Spend time with friends, sing, stretch, smile at a stranger, snuggle up in a warm blanket with a cup of hot chocolate or tea, squeeze a stress ball, surf the internet, smell lavender, send a handwritten letter to someone you love, sit outside in the sunshine, style your hair, string a necklace, smooth nice body lotion over your legs and arms, splatter paint, scribble on a piece of paper until the whole page is black.
- T: Take a relaxing bath or shower, take pictures of something pretty, tidy up your bed, toss confetti, throw a foam ball at an empty wall, try your hand at a Rubik’s Cube, treat yourself to some ice cream, tourist a city, travel someplace new, take a walk through the woods and breathe in the scent of the trees.
- U: Use positive affirmations (such as ”I can do this,” “I am a capable person”).
- V: Visit with a friend, visit your local animal shelter and play with the animals, volunteer for a cause.
- W: Watch your favorite movie or tv show, write poetry, window shop, watch cute animal videos on Youtube, work on a crossword puzzle, write down your feelings on a piece of paper and then rip it up.
- X: eXpress yourself through art or writing.
- Y: Try yoga, yell into a pillow.
- Z: Zzzz’s - take a nap! Rest is important.
Additional resources:
hey anon,
some feel good movies i like are disney classics of course–i think my favorite ones to watch are tarzan, the princess and the frog, and tangled.
i also personally love inception and captain america 2: the winter solider but i’m not sure those are really ‘feel good’.
maleficent is another personal fave, i always end up crying. the most recent the great gatsby film is another fave, me and my partner ended up crying over it. i like watching movies that make me cry when i’m feeling terrible because it gives me an excuse to cry for someone else.
and i’m going to open this up to our followers: what are some movie recommendations you have for anon?
stay safe,
kei
hey mice,
recently we’ve been getting the same questions submitted to us over and over again. please remember that it can take us up to three weeks to answer your question, and that submitting your question again and again only confuses the moderators and increases the amount of asks in our inbox.
if you’re unsure if your question went through ask us and we’ll let you know. if it’s been more than two weeks since you asked your question then please let us know, and we’ll let you know if it was answered or is still in our inbox, or if we never got it.
when asking questions it can help if you include a special tag that you’d like your ask tag with so you can locate it on the blog!
when asking questions please keep multipart asks to 5 parts or less.
don’t send us graphic descriptions of gore, self harm, sexual violence, sex, or medical procedures. these can be triggering to moderators.
and most importantly: please check the helpful resources page before asking questions.
–kei
Mice,
Thank you for your patience during this time while our helpful resources page was down. We know how frustrating this must have been, and we want to thank you for your patience!
We were sadly not able to fix the issue that lead to the resource page going down, so we had to come up with another solution. Our solution is this: we’re going to host our helpful resources page off tumblr to prevent this from happening again.
You can now find it here on wordpress and it’s linked on the blog as well!
In addition to moving our helpful resources page to wordpress, we’re also going to start hosting answers to frequently asked questions there in addition to just questions we like that we think people should read through.
We hope this change benefits everyone!
–MIM Staff
How to handle your panic attacks and anxiety attacks, step by step.
- Retreat. If you feel phobic, exit the situation until anxiety subsides. Retreat is a temporary leave until you feel better. Escape can reinforce your phobia.
- Talk to another person. This helps get your mind off of symptoms and anxious thoughts.
- Move around. Dissipates extra energy/adrenaline created by fight-or-flight reaction. Instead of resisting, you move with it.
- Stay in the present. Focus on concrete objects around you in your immediate environment. Try actually touching objects.
- Engage in a simple repetitive activity.
- unwrap and chew gum
- count
- snap rubber band
- sing
- wet towel on face
6. Do something that requires focused concentration.
- read a book or magazine
- puzzles
- knit/sew
- write
7. Express anger. If you can physically express anger rather than just talking, you may be able to stop the panic attack before it blows up.
- pound on a pillow or your bed
- beat a pillow or cushion with a bat
- scream into pillow
8. Experience something immediately pleasurable.
- be held
- pleasurable snack/meal
- hot shower or bath
9. Visualize a comforting person/scene.
10. Practice thought stopping.
- take a deep breath then internally or externally say, “Stop”!
- replace anxious thoughts with calming and supportive statements (“I am calm. I am strong”).
- snap a rubber band or splash cold water to disrupt thoughts
11. Practice abdominal breathing. Breathe slowly and deeply from your abdomen.
12. Practice muscle relaxation.
- clench fists. Hold for 10 seconds, release and repeat.
- tighten/raise shoulders up, hold 10 seconds, release.
13. Repeat positive coping statements.
14. Use breathing or relaxation in combination with coping statements.
Source: The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook by Bourne
Tips for Those Who Find Self-Affirmation Super Difficult:
•Use other people to see yourself. Think about your best friends, favorite characters, etc who have flaws and think about how much you love them anyway. Think about how a friend or someone reading a book about you would describe you
•Take it slow. I love those posts telling everyone to think of themselves as strong beautiful precious land sharks or whatever, but some people aren’t ready to believe that yet and saying the words just feels like something you’re supposed to say and not something you mean. You can work up to big affirmations by starting with little ones; “I’m pretty good at math and I have nice eyes” might be easier than starting off with “I’m beautiful and a genius”
•Start off deconstructing negative thoughts. It can be hard sometimes to convince yourself that you’re great when your head won’t stop screaming “but I’m useless and gross!!” or whatever. Try to rephrasing those thoughts so you can continue to self affirm- remind yourself that most people aren’t completely awful and that there are many things that you do well
•Make lists. List your positive traits, and then think about one specifically and convince yourself of them one at a time. List your goals and then the ways that your positive traits can help you achieve them. List all the times in your life where you’ve felt proud or good about yourself and use them like little Patronus memories to ward off bad thoughts.
•Visualize your affirmations. It can be infinitely more effective to think about all the times you’ve been generous in your life than to merely say “I am generous.”
•Spend time around people who talk to you the way you should be talking to yourself. It sounds kind of dumb, but at times even people who insult you in a completely friendly way as a joke (“are you coming to the party bitch?” etc) can contribute to you being able to say those things to yourself, even if it’s harmless. Conversely, being around people who talk to you positively can really, really help it sink in.
•Figure out what tone best relays self affirming information to you. For some people, it’s the cute and non-threatening pictures of animals telling you to be kind to yourself. For some, it’s imagining the affirmations to be coming from a person or character you think of as wise. For some, it’s trying to make it sound as logical an argument as possible so that there’s no room for self-doubt. Sometimes you need them all at different times.
•If using words at all to self affirm is difficult or problematic for you, try other ways of reinforcing the information. Do things that make you feel good about yourself and highlight positive qualities you have, like volunteering or creating or whatever it might be. Reward yourself when you do something good or reflect on something that makes you good. You can even self affirm through movies and music.
•Sometimes broad definitions help. Try to remember that your definition of being a good person has to be flexible; it doesn’t hing solely on being a good parent or friend or boss or writer. For most people, being able to define themselves as a good person is the basis for their positive sense of identity, so try to remember that there are MANY different ways to be a good person that are not contingent upon never screwing up
Hey anon,
I would recommend talking to your dentist about a mouth guard to wear at night. This prevents grinding/clenching while you sleep.
As for when you’re awake, try to set an alarm for a certain interval. every time it beeps you, do a quick body scan to check if you’re clenching your jaw or tightening any muscles. Actively relax those muscles that you’re straining.
It would also be a good idea to talk to a doctor about your anxiety and using some self help techniques to treat the underlying anxious feelings.
Stay strong.
–roboraptor
PT.2] would be beneficial for me to have a service dog. I’ve talked to my mom about it and she said she’d be fine with me having one, and so I’m definitely able to get a service dog. I’m kinda just nervous abt how having the dog around in public
[PT3] would draw some attention. It’s literally the only con that I can find, bc having strangers stare at me makes me wanna die, but I know I’d benefit so much from having a SD. Any advice?
Hey anon,
It sounds like this would be a great idea. It might be a little weird to get used to having a service dog in public, but most people will probably only be interested in the fact that you’ll have a cute dog with you.
You can also choose when and where to bring your service dog with you vs leaving it at home, so if your anxiety over people staring is greater than your need for the dog one day, you might not bring the dog with you.
I hope that you’re able to come to a decision and that this benefits you.
Stay strong.
–roboraptor
Hey anon,
I would recommend talking to HR about accommodations. Try to find a place where you can go that’s quiet and not around other people in case you have a panic attack.
If you can, try to go there before having an attack, as sometimes this can help you prevent one. But keep in mind that in the US your company has to give you reasonable accommodations. Most places this is figured out through the HR department.
It’s also important to keep on top of self care outside of work. This can really help keep your anxiety down at work. try to take at least a little bit of time every day to do something soothing, and try to eat nutritious food as much as you can.
Stay strong.
–roboraptor
-what that man did and obv not okay with my mum seeing as how she suffers so bad with mental illness. it’s just, i feel awful having these thoughts, and for even thinking it might be true.
hi anon,
I’m sorry you are dealing with these thoughts. They sound like they are exhausting and scary and I can’t imagine dealing with those sorts of thoughts; especially when they are about someone that you love and care for.
It’s important to remember that we are not our thoughts. A thought is just a thought and you don’t have to believe them or let it turn into a belief. It’s OK to accept your thoughts and acknowledge them, but then try to let them go and let them pass. It’s a DBT skill that I have to constantly remind myself to use, as I also struggle with intrusive thoughts. I try to let myself acknowledge the thought, as pushing it away or adding judgement to the thought is what causes the suffering, not usually the thought itself. Accept that you have the thought and then watch it pass. If you think it would be helpful, maybe try to think of the evidence you have to disprove the thought. Sometimes writing it out so you can go back to it in the future can be helpful. Most of all remember that these thoughts are not you and they do not define you. You have the power over the thoughts; not the other way around. These thoughts do not make you a bad person, or change who you are; they are just thoughts.
Is there anyone you can talk to and process these thoughts with? Holding it in and suffering on your own makes things more difficult and you deserve to not be alone with these things. I know there may be some fear with talking about these thoughts, but I really think you should try to talk to someone about them. Would you be open to talking to a therapist or professional so you can learn skills to cope with your OCD and cope with these thoughts. You deserve the help and support with this anon.
We also have the following resources that may be helpful to check out. People deal with intrusive thoughts in different ways so my suggestions above are simply from my own experiences and what has helped me. It can take some time to find what helps and works for you.
Intrusive thoughts
OCD, Obsessions, and Compulsive Behaviors
Good luck anon. We are here to remind you that these thoughts do not define you and you are not a bad person. We want to support and help you however we can.
Lina
Hey anon,
We did get them, and one of the mods is either working on them or recently answered them.
–roboraptor
I’m not aware of any, so i’m opening this up. A divorce support blog sounds like a great idea, so if anybody knows of one/starts one, let us know!
–roboraptor
Part2 (tag Arnold) in a way he is a reincarnation of my younger brother that passed away. I can’t go anywhere without him because I have regular hallucinations and without him talking to me I believe they’re real, but ppl hav tried to tell me
Part3 (tag Arnold) ppl have told me that he is also a hallucination, so I don’t want to take meds for them. I would rather suffer and have him telling me it’s okay than constant silence. Though sometimes I get very bad episodes and Idk what to do
hi anon,
This sounds like a tricky situation and it’s very hard when others are telling us something is wrong or not real or bad. That can feel invalidating and hurtful. You deserve people who will validate you and listen to you and try to work with you where you are at. The reality is that the desire to change and the work needs to come from you.
To me it sounds like the stuffed animal is the way that you cope and I don’t think that’s a bad thing. It sounds like you have used this stuffed animal to help get yourself through some tough times, and that he has become a coping mechanism for you. Sometimes coping mechanisms that start out healthy can become maladaptive over time and maybe that is what other people are trying to say and communicate to you; I can’t judge that from this message, but I do know that it does happen. Maybe with time and learning new skills you won’t be so reliant on the stuffed animal. Like I said though, you don’t have to do anything you aren’t ready to do or don’t want to do. It has to come from you and you have to want it.
I would encourage you to seek out professional help for this. A good therapist or doctor will not force you to do anything (like take medication) that you are not willing or ready to do. It sounds like you could use the help and the support anon. Please don’t be scared of it, because like I said they will work with you and help you achieve your own goals. You don’t have to go through this alone and it sounds like you are struggling alone right now so you deserve the help.
We are here to help and encourage you however we can, but I would encourage you to seek out help and talk about this with someone you trust.
Lina
Hey anon,
That does sound normal with depression. When I was doing badly, I would go for days barely eating and then eat a ton on other days.
Good and bad days are pretty common, and the good doesn’t invalidate the bad. I would recommend that you seek the help of a professional; you deserve it.
Stay strong.
–roboraptor
Hey everyone, I’m back! BPD didn’t beat me yet! I had a pretty major relapse and I’m still trying to get back up to where I know I can be, but I just want you guys to know that I’m here for you. I’m still in the trenches, but I think I can start to help again. Please feel free to ask me anything! Helping you guys helps me feel better :)
Thank you to all you loyal followers of MIM. You guys are all great, I love you all, and I hope I can help some of you :)
Hang in there, Jessi
Meanwhile I’ve had hallucinations and paranoia and other symptoms of psychotic depression. Do I believe that professional? Even if it doesn’t feel right? (2/2)
Hey there,
It’s important to talk to your doctor about ALL the symptoms you deal with. That helps them get a better feel for what they (and you) need to do to help you feel better.
If you told your professional all of your psychotic symptoms, and they still don’t take you seriously, it’s 100% okay to go and get a second opinion elsewhere. YOU are the patient. YOUR care is what is most important.
I will say, though, that a lot of doctors don’t like to focus on diagnoses, rather than just treatment plans. He might not even take the “diagnosis” itself seriously, rather he’s just trying to deal with YOUR symptoms,
I also know that dysthymia versus major depressive disorder or something to that degree has something to do with time. They might have said dysthymia simply because of the timing of your episodes or something.
Anyway, It’s important to tell your doctor EVERYTHING you are struggling with so that they can help you with all of those things. That’s their job, to help you get better. And that’s your job, too!
My personal advice would be to not focus on the diagnosis so much and just be open with your doctor. You can even talk to them about your worries about the diagnosis. You’re paying for their time. So feel free to use it and ask questions. You’re the number 1 priority while you’re in your doctor’s office. And you can’t get any better information than from a professional. Even if you decide to talk to several.
I hope this helps!
Hang in there, Jessi
(Prt.2 to the thoughts about death) my anxiety attack was really bad and now any time i try to talk to anyone or bring it up, I feel it coming on. I’ve been really, really trying to get better but i just can’t seem to do it. Do you have any tips??!!?? Thanks -please tag this -elidk
TW: Suicide
Hey anon! I’m so sorry you are going through this. I know how hard anxiety and panic attacks can be, especially in a new situation.
Focus. On. the positive. If things were getting better, than there is a way to get back to that. Grab a notebook or cute journal and start writing down everything you’re thankful for everyday, a gratitude journal. That’s a CBT skill that could easily apply to your situation if you make good use of it!
If you’re feeling homesick, just douse your phone or apartment walls or wherever you want with pictures of home. It might make it feel more relaxing once your inside your own walls. Make your home a sanctuary away from the business of the city. Scents, candles, lighting, atmosphere, colors—whatever you need to relax. Living in a city can be hard and overwhelming, but coming home shouldn’t be.
I know it’s so hard to talk to people about these feelings, but it’s really important that you do. I’m so proud of you for reaching out to us at least. The more you talk or write about it the less anxiety or control it has over you. YOU be the one in control of your thoughts, not the other way around.
I know suicidal ideation is so hard to deal with, especially day after day. It feels so hopeless. But you can hang out one more day, I know you can. And if you can do that, you can hang on every day. Just one day at a time. Until it gets easier…because it will :)
Radical acceptance is another DBT skill you could use here. Just accept the fact that you are where you are, and there’s nothing you can do to change that. Just accept it and make the most out of it. Worrying about how it would have or could have been will only make your anxiety worse. Look up radical acceptance online and I’m sure you will be able to understand it and apply it here :)
Don’t be afraid to talk about it, anon. Doctors, friends, therapists, family—whoever you can find to talk to (or feel comfortable with). That should really help relieve some of the burden of the anxiety you’re feeling. Talking gets things out. It releases negative emotions. If you’re still having a hard time actually verbalizing what you’re feeling, just write it down in your journal. Getting those thoughts out of your mind and somewhere else is what is most important.
I hope this helps a little! I hope you really start to turn around and enjoy your new place. The city can be really fun, as well :) (This coming from an introvert).
Hang in there, Jessi
Hey anon,
I would recommend contacting your school’s disability services and seeing if they can help you out, or if the counseling center on campus can help you find a professional.
At my school, public safety offered rides to appointments students couldn’t get to on their own. Something like that might be a possibility. There are often mental health clinics if you don’t have (good) insurance.
It really sucks that you were let down like that, but I’m proud of you for seeking out help.
Browse through our blog looking at the tags for the issues you’ve been having to get some links for self-help in the meantimes. But you will make it through this.
–roboraptor