THE DATING JOURNAL | BACK TO REALITY
Why, hello there. Welcome back to The Dating Journal.
Finally! We’re done with 2016. See ya, wouldn’t wanna be ya! What a year, hey? I think you know me well enough by now to know I’m not one to beat around the bush. I’ve got some stern advice for you heading into 2017. So please, take a seat, pour yourself a wine, hair of the dog and all that, and let’s get down to dating business.
Some of you may not like what I have to say. It may ruin reality TV for you forever. But what is The Dating Journal if I’m not openly, blatantly honest with you all about all my dating experiences – the good, the bad, the very bad, and the ugly, right? So, I’m going to start the first journal of 2017 by addressing the elephant in the room. Why didn’t I acknowledge the big-eared mammal earlier? Simple – I just so could not be bothered. This is why.
For me, 2016 was filled with so many highs, got my face on national television, and so many lows, got my face on national television while wearing a wedding dress for a fake wedding, to say ‘I do’ to a complete stranger. Now, I can’t say that I entirely regret committing myself to the unrealistic experience of reality television. You wouldn’t be here reading The Dating Journal if I did. What I do regret, however, is using up all of my accrued annual leave on a ‘honeymoon’ to Fiji with someone who was not quite the match-made in heaven I was expecting #anotherpinacoladathanks
To cut a five-week ‘love’ story short: It became very clear early on in the piece that the ‘marriage’ to my TV husband was doomed. Destined to fail. Crash and burn. I know – shut the front door. Here’s the cold hard truth. Every reality ‘TV star’ has their own reasons for wanting to put themselves out into the public eye. Of course, each to their own. For me, though, when I received the phone call to say my perfect match had been found, after six months of filling in tedious questionnaires, I honestly thought that my single days were over. In my defense, I had a slight case of sunstroke that day. My brain was slightly fried. It’s quite unfortunate for all of those involved – you, me, my family and friends, but especially me because I am the bride. We all held such high hopes for my love life, and single lady parts. Truth be told, my TV husband did not don a tux for love, or my single lady parts, despite sweating like a gypsy with a mortgage while waiting for me at the altar.
Reality television, being the usual conniving, clever thing it is, caught hundreds of hours of footage of ‘married life’ and cut it down to a mere thirteen minutes per episode, per couple. Needless to say, our relationship, however it turned out, would have never been portrayed to its full authenticity. Not even close. Conversations and events were cut, copied, and pasted. I walked down the aisle four times, said my vows three times, and we kissed at the altar twice. My faith in the ‘match-making’ process dwindled away somewhat when my TV husband shared with me immediately post-wedding ceremony that he hadn’t dated for years and never actually applied for the experiment. He was recruited from a local cafe and thought, ‘Yeah sure, why not?’ Just to kindly let you know, I’m no ‘yeah-sure-why-not’ kinda girl. You’re either all in or all out. No middle ground. Particularly if I’m going to ditch my usual black attire for bridal get-up.
So, when did I know the match-makers had really failed at their one job? One job! It became clear as day when my TV husband took great pleasure in asking the sound crew, camera crew, producers and what-have-you about potential front-of-house sports presenting gigs. When merely the thought of him talking about a black and white ball rolling across lush green grass for a living turned him on more than me presenting myself half naked in nothing but black lace underwear, I knew I was fighting a losing battle. Let me just open that door. I’ll see myself out. Truth be told, he just wasn’t that into me, the experiment, or sharing his humble man cave with a random single girl. He didn’t want a bar of it. Nothing. Nada.
Problem was, nobody knew. Nobody but me that is. Week two, day three, of the five-week experiment, while folding a pile of bathroom towels during a filming break, he said to me, and I quote, ‘I’m just not that into it’. Needless to say, it just snowballed from there #doyouwannabuildasnowman
Sure, the guy had a great rig, but unlike the casting crew, who obviously aren’t suffering as single members of society and actively dating themselves, I feel young single men with abs are as common as flies at a picnic. Just because a guy dons a washboard stomach and arms strong enough to crazy-Swayze you on a dancefloor, the result of an addiction to F45 and hard boiled eggs, does not mean he cuts the mustard in the ‘husband material’ department.
Once filming wrapped, I was more than over it. I was over the forced conversations that ended abruptly when the cameras switched off. I was over the staged dinners, literally, set-up by producers only to have to pretend my TV husband had done them himself #ohyoushouldnthave I was over overhearing his one-on-one interviews in the next room where he expressed his ‘growing’ feelings for me #vomit I was over being asked if I was in love yet. I was over being asked if I consider being taken to a soccer match romantic. Welllll, obviously not. I was over doing all the grocery shopping and cooking dinner for two. Every. Single. Night. But more than anything, I was over feeling like I wasn’t good enough. I was emotionally exhausted.
I wanted nothing more than to go back to my ‘old’ life. Real reality. But I couldn’t. I may have been single AF but at least I was genuinely happy. So why didn’t I leave? Simple. It wouldn’t have made sense to our ‘story’. How could I walk away when everything caught on film was nothing short of a blossoming ‘marriage’ starring the perfect ‘husband’? It was, in one word: fucked.
The day I moved out of his apartment was probably one of the happiest days of my life to date. No exaggeration. Once we broke up, yes, with each other, decision day, brilliant editing right there, I was ushered into a taxi, and that was that. The ride home was surreal. I remember staring at the back of the passenger headrest, asking myself, ‘What the hell just happened?’ In a matter of seconds, I went from being the most important person in a room of fifty-plus people to nothing but old news. I handed five weeks of rollercoaster emotions on a silver platter to the untrusting reality TV gods and now, it was only a matter of time before Australia would have free reign to judge my ability to hold down a relationship #projectilevomit
I stepped out of the taxi, gladly carrying my own bags up three flights of stairs before arriving at the front door of my apartment. I left my bags in the hallway and immediately entered my bedroom, collapsing face down on my soft, clean, white pillows of my bed. I was home. Home alone. All by myself. Just me, myself and I. I’d never been happier to be all alone, isolated, in my quiet, empty, apartment. I was single again. I was free. I clearly remember, I went out that evening, got tip-say in tha club, celebrating my returning freedom, and at the hands of fate bumped into “Flatmate Finders” Charlie. When one relationship closes, another relationship opens. That’s the saying, right? Thank you, Universe. I needed that pick-me-up. Pun intended.
So, what is the point of me sharing all of this with you now, just as I’ve erased all remnants of his blow-drying technique from my memory? My point is this, hope you’re taking mental notes:
Never stay in a relationship if you feel the need to convince the person to be with you. You should never have to persuade someone that you are worthy of their time.
Never stay in a relationship if you begin to question your self-worth. You should never feel like you’re not good enough.
Never stay in a relationship merely because you can’t handle the thought of having to wait around for the real deal. You should never feel the need to wonder, what if?
Let me end on this note. In the words of Bianca’s Dad in 10 Things I Hate About You: ‘I’ve got news for you. I’m down. I’ve got the 411 and you are not going out and getting jiggy with some boy, I don’t care how dope his ride is.’ Dump his arse, get back to reality and move on – there’s plenty more washboard abs in the sea.
SLB.x
You can catch up on past posts of The Dating Journal here, including:
Flatmate Finders? More like Boyfriend Finders!
I’ve Got One Word For You… WAG!
32 Responses to “THE DATING JOURNAL | BACK TO REALITY”
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Simone Lee Brennan
Welcome to Sydney makeup artist and Married At First Sight bride Simone Lee Brennan's blog, where she shares her obsession with all things beautiful and bridal.
Simone specialises in bridal and editorial makeup, and she's especially interested in the care and cover of acne-affected skin, having managed her own skin condition and scarring for the last 10 years.
The Simone Lee Brennan beauty blog covers KitList posts (her all-time fave products and and reviews), Love Now posts (trend watch) and Speak Now (interviews with Simone's idols: strong, smart women with style).
Read more about Simone here.
I absolutely loved the programme, watching it in Ireland I enjoyed the Australian version so much more than our own version. Maybe it’s because I want to visit Australia yet reading your insight has given me a real view on the programme and dating. I hope you have a great 2017 😊
Hi Jemma
Oh yes, the show reached all the way to Ireland too didn’t it?! It obviously has its pros and cons, ups and downs. Hope you enjoy future installments of TDJ, thank you for your support! S.x
This article/blog/honesty piece was amazing to read! I always wondered what really happened in that relationship. My Mum and I felt so sorry for you….he is a massive hottie…but as I get older I am also realising all those truths and wise words that you wrote at the end. Sometimes we need to experience things to then reflect and see what reality says…thoroughly enjoyed this. Please write more things….about anything really…you are brilliant.
Hi Chealsea
Thank you for reading! And yes I will be continuing to write and addin to TDJ! Stay tuned! x
Hi. I never thought he was right for you. Thank you for being so honest. I wish I was more honest with myself when I got married as 2 years later we were divorced. He just wasn’t into it even though I do think he loved me. He decided to not even wear his wedding ring to our marriage counselling sessions. How devoted is that. 15 years later it still hurts even though I got remarried. It is hard when one person is willing to give it ones all & the other is more into their own agendas. Hope 2017 is great for you!
Hi Elle
Thank you for reading! Glad you have found your happiness, but yes – it most definitely still hurts at times – hence why I got upset while talking about my ex from four years ago in the first episode of MAFS. It’s not that you’re not over the person, it’s the amount of hurt they caused that is hard to fathom. I hope 2017 is a great year for you too. Can only get better from here! Thanks for reading once again, hope you enjoy the future installments. x
Hey Simone,
You have a really funny and fresh writing style! I watched the show and instantly thought that guy was way more into himself than you… definitely his loss though… your funny and beautiful! What a noodle he is … 😛
Cheers,
Max
NOODLE! I’m going to use that one!
Refreshing read Simone. I love your writing style! I watched the show and felt you started off so well and how compatible you seemed…but then yes reality stepped in and even through the editing painted it a certain way, I knew you were better than whatever that was. Deserved way more. But boy did you represent so many of us genuine, loyal women who have so much hope for something real.
I’ve been single well over 8 years now and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I’d rather be alone than in the wrong relationship and settling. Thanks to my ex, I have travelled the world, started my own travel site, changed careers, lived abroad twice (currently in Vancouver, Canada on a working holiday) and have no idea where I will be in 6 months. I am almost 32 and I don’t worry. I may be back in Melbourne, may be freelancing or may be still over here in something else, see what happens. Unfortunately, the dating game is shite no matter where you are-quite horrible here as well. But i’ve stopped caring so much about meeting mr right, and appreciate the journey i am on-no hookups required. It’s out there, and when the timing is right it will present itself. It’s lonely, and not always easy, but i wouldn’t trade nights in watching the Bachelor (the American one) for anything right now haha. I look forward to watching your journey through your blog. It feels good to know I am not the only one out there with standards and hopes that the real thing is out there.
Hi Simone,
Thank you so much for your honesty. I just took part in the UK Married at First Sight and can relate to a lot of what you have written. What a massive journey we all put ourselves on! I certainly have learnt not to settle for something that isn’t everything we all deserve in a relationship!
Sending you lots of love from a very cold London.
Sara
X
Hi Simone,
I have a few friends that have featured on Australian ‘reality’ programs so I know how fabricated they can be. I always wanted it to work out for you and I’m sad the guy turned out to be a dick and the story got so twisted but I thought you came across as authentic, intelligent, reasonable and kind.I’m really glad I came across your blog and heard your side of the story. I look forward to catching up on your other entries.
All the best 🙂
Honestly after watching season one I don’t understand how any future contestants could think that the match makers and producers had their interest in heart. It’s reality T.V. It uses people who are looking for something in life, very unfair of them but at the same time, people should have been able to know that for themselves.
From one bride to another I hear ya sister. Been there done that same thing happened to me. When his just not into you get the fuck out!!
So very proud of you for speaking out so eloquently.
Love Roni
You’re suppose to cook dinner for two. Every. Single. Night.
This ain’t the 1950’s Joan. I ain’t cooking Every. Single. Night. for anyone.
Wow ! Your honesty is amazing ! Like a lot of people who watch the show I thought that the producers would be fair dinkum in trying to match couples up – I hope your blog inspires a lot more girls to aim high !
Hi Simone,
Stumbled across this from a news.com.au article. Very well written. I am recovering from a similar experience, though it took her 5 years of marriage to decide she’ just wasn’t that into it’ which was news to me.
I remember about 2 weeks before she left she had had a bad day so I left work early, came home, cleaned, cooked dinner, ran her a bath and left flowers and chocolate on the counter and lit her some candles and gave her alone time. Now, I can’t tell if things like that were the wrong thing to do, because of the many facebook posts proclaiming how happy she was.
I know I wasn’t a perfect husband, i don’t think one exists but I tried my hardest. Which is why I never noticed the things that I should have. She had started getting back into sports training, and had a coach, who she thought the world of… and spoke often of. Too often. When she began gushing about ‘how good he was with kids’ I had a twinge of ‘something isn’t right’ but I dismissed it because I was happy, and I was happy for her because she was passionate about what she was doing and she seemed happy with me, and us.
Then all of a sudden, my birthday was here, and she was leaving. ‘I want a divorce’. ‘No, you can’t, why? if there is a problem tell me, we can work through it’, ‘no, I’m done’ was the reply. How could someone just be done all of a sudden. Over the next two weeks, i was presented with many reasons why I had failed as a husband. ‘I wasn’t athletic anymore, I don’t look as fit as I used to’, or ‘things have been rough for a long time’ They have? I wish that had been known so I could have worked on that, and the reasons kept coming.
I didn’t eat for two weeks. I cried. I know they say men don’t (or shouldn’t) cry but I did. I bawled like a child. I couldn’t sleep because her face was there. I would wake and cry. I still do. I didn’t find out until about a month later that all of the late nights ‘training’ weren’t all about training. My father in law told me there was someone else and promptly, after telling me that I had exceeded their expectations with their daughter, I was cut off. The family I had built my life around were gone. All ‘our’ friends were gone, and my plans for a life with her, and my entire world were shattered. How do you recover from that? I have no idea. I haven’t figured that out yet. Through a messy divorce process instigated by the one person who you used to face life’s challenges with, through a move of states, through finding all the notes you used to leave each other through the house talking about being together forever, I am not sure how I kept going.
I started dating, I tried tinder, I had been out of the dating pool for so long, had I forgotten how to date?
I was still an emotional wreck, of course, so I tried to be upfront, which sometimes was well received, sometimes not. To some, I was damaged goods. “Oh… you’ve been married? Sorry but if I am going to date someone I want it to be the first time either of us have been married”. I can understand that… a little premature, but that’s ok.
I also had to deal with the problems that other men had caused. Unfortunately, a lot of men in the dating world are exactly as you describe. Unwilling to commit, or commit just enough to get what they want. String women along until they find someone better. I made a lot of good friends on Tinder. I found women who were separated also and we helped each other, I think that’s the only way I coped. But dating was hard. I wanted to move on with life but it was too early wasn’t it? Dating is a hard thing, and its often made worse by men, because they aren’t what they used to be. There is a lack of caring, a lack of chivalry and a lack of protectiveness that used to be extended towards women. I don’t want to tar everyone with the same brush, I hope there are some kind decent men out there who are doing their best to represent our gender in a proper manner, and the same with women. But I unfortunately dealt with the aftermath of the scummy ones.
In any case, I am unfortunately left here, at 29… struggling to rebuild my life. Starting from scratch is never easy but whether you are forced to or not, its possible. So I remain optimistic yet cautious, so thank you for your blog, and while it may not be specifically targeted toward men, I appreciate the contents and find myself relating to a fair amount of it.
Thanks,
Justin
Simone
Like all relationships, good and bad, it takes two to tango. You need to have a look at yourself.
I watched the show and I’ve read your blog. You write well, are intelligent and good looking but as a bloke, I wouldn’t go near you relationship wise because you come across as a self-centered narcissist. No ones wants to be with anyone who is so focused on themselves that there is no room
for the other party to have their own identifity or self worth.
If you want a relationship (and I think you desperately do), try to be a little more accommodating of your partner, warts and all.
Best of luck
Chris
Hi Chris
Thanks for taking the time to comment on my blog.
Like many people who indulge in reality TV, I feel as though you feel you know me, based on what you see and hear about me on social media, and evidently my blog. I’m sorry to hear that you feel the focus I place on myself – my two jobs, sole business as a makeup artist, and full-time university studies – results in a lack of room for someone with “self-worth”. Although a healthy relationship would be lovely, I feel settling for a boy with “warts and all” isn’t really what I’m after at this point in time. Thanks for the hot tip, but I’m pretty sure my “self-centred narcissistic” persona is working just fine for now.
Thanks again.
Simone
I love this! I too watch the show and even contemplated applying for it but its not until you put the cold hard truth on it all the flaws are just so clear. Your groom agreeing to being on a show that you spent months filing out applications for seems you were destined to fail from Day One! Well done for doing your bit I thought you handled everything with grace and dignity. Never settle for less! I too am over washboard abs, and blinding tooth whiting – especially when more often then not its teamed with little else.
Hi Simone
My partner and I loved you from the very start of the show. You were transparent and kind on the inside with that understated elegant classic Royal beauty on the outside.
It was clear you and that hottie (we r gay btw) weren’t a good match. So my question is. Why did u stay? I know u said that it wouldn’t have made sense and that the “marriage” was edited to look blossoming, but that wasn’t the case at all! Not for most of the time anyway. We saw you unhappy..your eyes said it all. Others left the show half way through..Claire and Jono..the gay couple (from the following season)..so why stay longer and suffer when u knew from the start and in your heart (and by the guy’s words) that he’s not into it?!!!
Hi there
Thanks for your comment.
Right, well, I will answer this because why not? Why did I stay?
There are so many layers to this response. First one is, sounds very cliche, but I guess you had to be there. The whole experience is so emotionally charged. It’s not just two people in that relationship – it’s two, plus two producers who you see every day, who have “producer bosses” who have a boss… it’s not just, right I’m going. It’s not that easy.
Secondly, I spoke to my main producer week three and told her the truth – what they had on camera wasn’t exactly the truth and I wanted to leave. She called her boss and they said they needed more to the story. It didn’t make sense. They weren’t happy. That night we filmed the scene in the kitchen – she told me to bring up the upcoming weekend – our last weekend together, to spend time together and how he felt about it. The scene was cut in half, the first half thrown in the bin. What you didn’t see was me asking him to spend time with me – to go paddle boarding – his response was that he can’t spend two days in a row with me as it’s too much. My producer said it was perfect. They cut it in editing and simply showed me saying “If you asked me to spend time with you I’d be excited”. It was to made to look as if I was complaining – needless to say, I knew come the airing of decision day, i’d be screwed over.
Thirdly, I spoke to my producer again, told her he wasn’t into it. What did they do? They suggested filming a catch-up with my sister where I could tell her how I was feeling and explain the story. We did this. Shot at a local cafe for two hours. It was part of ‘my’ story. It would give the audience reasons as to why it didn’t work and why I left in the end – it was never aired.
And lastly, in week four, 5 days out from decision day, my ‘husband’ and I agreed to both say no come decision day. We spoke about this in his kitchen, off camera. With us both on the same page – to go our separate ways, I thought I was fine. For the next five days we went to work as normal, did what was asked of us and broke up with each other on decision day. You didn’t see his breakup speech. That too went in the garbage. Of course, that’s editing, bound to happen.
And that’s why I stayed. I was assured I’d be fine, producers tried to get their content and I’d be all good… which I am now! At the time, not so much.
Hope that answers your question.
Thanks for your insightful response. It definitely says a lot about how scripted this whole experience was. I’m sorry it turned out that way. But I’m happy you r in love with a city now 😉. Enjoy the land of the holy coffee. I’ll be following your stories, gorgoeus!
It’s a reality show, what did you expect?
When you come to Melb’s i’l take you on a real date.
🙂
Thank you for the TRUE insight that is the BS of so called reality TV. Had no idea it was so staged.
BTW, that dude is probably gay, and like other comments here, totally his loss. But it does make me think, why someone that is absolutely beautiful would go on MAFS. Did you also want to further your career? 😉
Anyway, looking for love is like searching for a cashew in a world of mixed nuts and you have to be a bit nutty to go on MAFS I guess 😉
Wow, who would have thought getting married to a complete stranger for television would have turned out to be a bad decision. Thanks for putting us on the right path.
And also, do you really think someone such as yourself who voluntarily committed to this concept should be dishing out relationship advice. i don’t
Hi Tim
Thank you for your comment.
I do think someone such as myself who voluntarily committed to this concept, along with many other Tinder dates, blind dates, dates with friends of friends, dates with randoms, should be dishing out dating advice. Sure, my advice may not be suited to everyone, but I’m going to serve it up anyway – because I enjoy it.
Thanks for clicking on The Dating Journal.
Simone
Hi Simone,
I have just read through your entire blog. It was very entertaining but it was also very inspiring to read about how much of a strong and independent, successful woman you are. Even though I am in a relationship (with someone I met on Tinder!) I hope that I can incorporate your attitude into my life as I start my career this year.
Reading through the comments of this post make me very angry, and I just wanted to say that you must be an amazing person for handling the negative comments on this post so maturely. I wouldn’t have. Good luck and can’t wait to read more from you.
Hey Sarah
Thanks for reading them ALL! I feel like I could do with a refresher myself! Oh, you caught a good (Tinder) one and kept him! Good for you! I’ve caught some great catches via the app, some I still consider friends and acquaintances, others I let go quicker than you can say “reversal swipe”! It’s all part of the fun really!
And thanks – I find a lot of the negative comments are either from grown women (who for some reason or another feel it’s okay to slander other women) or grown men (who I think feel insecure about a woman speaking her mind – shock horror). If you think these are bad, you don’t want to skim through my social media and personal email inboxes (although those ones go straight into the little silver bin, no ones got time for that)!
Thanks for reading Sarah and I hope TDJ provides you with some sort of guidance, advice, positivity or giggle in the near future.
S.x
I am SO glad I read this.
I applied for season 2 of Married at First Sight UK but by the time the recruiters got back to me I’d met someone. Fast forward a couple of years: season 2 aired, I find myself single again and see they’re recruiting for season 3.
I’ve seen I think just about every episode of the show, UK; US and Austrailia at least, and I’ve seriously thought about trying out again. I genuinely have no desire to ever be on TV whatsoever, I just figure they can’t do a worse job than I have! I really know how to pick ’em…
I’m naturally prone to having a bit of an inferiority complex at the best of times, and the idea of being stuck with someone for 5 weeks trying to convince them to want to spend time with me just sounds like a total nightmare. I have no idea HOW you did it and I think you’re so brave for being up front and talking about your experience.
Thanks for putting this out there 🙂
I watched the show and you were such a class act throughout! I hope you hold your head up high and are very proud of yourself as a woman!! Not sure how anyone would do so well in a situation like that xx