Why shouldn't adults get the chance to write to Santa? We have wishes; we have dreams. On radio this week, some adults were penning a letter to Santa, so here is mine.
Dear Santa, I'd like elections to have a cooling-off period. When I swap electricity providers, I'm afforded a few days of change-my-mind time, so why not with elections? This would be enormously helpful for those who voted Trump before adding: "yes, but no, but yes, yet I never imagined he'd win." Ditto: those Brits who voted Brexit with the same sense of surprise, and all those Australians who voted Turnbull, imagining he was still the groovy-leather-jacket-guy featured on Q&A;. (Actually, what happened to that guy? Is he in peril? Should you, or I, ring Triple Zero? Should the police, or the elves, mount a search?)
![Illustration by Michael Leunig](/web/20161225101408im_/http://www.smh.com.au/content/dam/images/g/t/g/k/0/o/image.related.articleLeadwide.620x349.gtepxq.png/1482414699453.jpg)
Dear Santa, I'd like the media to stop printing lists of all the things that will kill me, usually accompanied by updated guidelines on how much I can "safely consume", the quantities cited so ridiculously minuscule the only response is to stick your fingers in your ear and go "la-la-la". Two drinks a week? One scraping of butter? One chop every second decade? Oh, kill me now. And while we are on the topic, could the elves include a bottle of craft gin in my stocking – the Yarra Valley one is startlingly good – plus an appropriate supply of olives? PS: I've been good.
Dear Santa, I'd like technology companies to stop developing products just because they can. It may be possible to have a machine sitting in the corner of your bedroom, towards which you can shout instructions – "order pizza"; "tell me the date of the moon landing"; "remind me why I love my children" – yet it's unclear whether this is helpful. Human beings may benefit from the necessity to arise from their sweat-encrusted bed, pick up a phone and order their own pizza. Ditto the new egg boiling app, in which you take a photo of your egg, allowing the app to determine its size, while the GPS works out your altitude, and thus calculates the perfect boiling time, accounting for the fact that the boiling point becomes lower as you increase your distance from sea level. Both pointless and brilliant in equal measure, I'm hoping the egg boiling app will earn the contempt of every one of your elves.
![Richard Glover's Christmas wish is for fewer deaths of his favourite artists – such as Prince – in 2017.](/web/20161225101408im_/http://www.smh.com.au/content/dam/images/g/t/e/q/x/6/image.related.articleLeadwide.620x349.gtepxq.png/1482414699453.jpg)
Dear Santa, I'd like everyone to be a little less nazi about their views, other, of course, than those who are nazi about the Nazis, who deserve all the nazi they get. Almost every topic – except the Nazis – has two sides. I have fixed views about a few things – gay marriage, the Nazis (who were horrible), plus the need for Australia to invest more in weed control (we should!) – yet it's surprising, bracing and sometimes challenging to hear the other side. So how come, at events such as Christmas lunch, no one ever says: "Really? I admit I think the opposite, so help me understand why a great person like you has the other point of view." Listening is free, can be done by everyone, yet it's the most underpractised skill in the world. Santa, get the elves onto it. I'd like to see a patented hearing aid, given to those who simply choose not to hear.
Dear Santa, I want people to appreciate books, but not only on Christmas Day. It's a weird fact, but almost all the books sold in Australia are sold about now. They are a great gift. They are a way of saying to your friend or relative: "I know you are smart, and interested in life, plus you like history." Or you like cooking, or cats, or high-end poetry. Books are narrowcast: unlike Hollywood movies, they are made in quantities – 5000 here, 15,000 there – that mean they don't need to suit everybody. They can be the perfect expression of me, or you, or Auntie May. That's what makes them great presents. But it's also what should make them sell all year long. Could the elves make a second delivery in July?
Dear Santa, I would like, during this current party season, to be granted the gift of memory. I would enjoy walking into a room and being able to remember the names of all those I'd met before. I would like, when I approach them, to be able to also recall the names of their children, so that after they have politely inquired into the progress of my own progeny, I might politely respond: "And Gemma? Is she still going strong on the cello?" rather than my current strategy which is to squeak out a desire for another drink, or a visit to the loo, before running towards my wife with the urgent, whispered query: "Who is that bloke, and what are the names of his kids?"
Dear Santa, most of all: could 2017 to be better than 2016? I'd like fewer deaths among my very favourite musical artists. I'd like fewer wars. And I'd like fewer lurches towards fear rather than hope. I do hope your mates, the elves, might be in the position to make some of my wishes might come true.