You know why you're sitting here reading this. You're marking time until the email arrives and the APS officially takes off for Christmas and stays off for shutdown. We all know Christmas really began last Friday when half your branch started holidays. And we all know that though the shutdown period theoretically ends on January 3, nobody worth their salt actually turns up on that day – and nobody with a family comes back until mid January. Hell, let's just say shutdown really ends in February.
But still, here you are. And here we are. So let's run through the pre-Christmas rituals in the public service.
The Dress Code
The summer heat, the waning of the year, and festive season means that public service dress standards take a sudden descent into the colourful and the attenuated. There's normal office attire (lanyards and pinstripes).
Then there's casual Friday (lanyards and jeans). And then there's last day before Christmas, which is Hawaiian shirt and board shorts. If in doubt, a silly Christmas button that lights up and spins around while playing Jingle Bells makes everything seasonal and appropriate. And you'll be justified in wearing that getup out of the house and into the office because at some point the office air conditioning will break and the person who can fix it will be on holiday leave.
The Morning Tea
Most branches or floors have a semi-epic Chrissie morning tea, brought in by the hard core of EAs and baking types who keep morning teas going when the going gets tough. We say semi-epic because the early run on Christmas leave means there are far fewer people around to enjoy the bounty this week, so the odds of overdosing on cupcakes are well in your favour. But it's the last week before shutdown so the odds of elaborate, reality-TV-worthy cupcakes are not in your favour.
In fact, morning tea is likely to be extremely hit and miss and possibly composed mainly of rejects from the Crisco hamper that nobody in the bringer's family wanted to eat. On the plus side, the event is likely to run a little longer than usual as people discuss how they will be spending their next week. There's also likely to be a solid discussion of the potential fortunes of the Boxing Day Test - especially with so many new faces in the Aussie side.
The email
This is really the reason we all came to work today – to be told to go home in a department-wide email from the secretary. Public servants anxiously watch their inbox for that golden missive from the secretary, wishing everyone a happy Christmas and encouraging them to go home early, with all the usual "subject to operational requirements" caveats.
What time will you get yours? Will there be a hilarious gif or meme attached? Some secretaries have a real flair – one departmental email featured a Lord of the Rings meme in which Boromir told public servants that "one does not simply work on Christmas Eve".
For those departments with newer, inexperienced heads, there will be a palpable fear of missing out: "Do you think they know about the email?" In fact, the email is so much of an institution now that some almost treat it as a convention. There's a point around 2pm where even the most stoic of public servants can be convinced to assume that their services are no longer required and they should, subject to operational requirements, head out of the office.
Will you "work" on Friday?
Believe it or not, some work does get done on the last day before shutdown. The worst case scenario is that you, for some reason, have a piece of work or a project that absolutely must get done and pushed through before Friday at 5pm (because there will be heaps of people in the office by then...).
This can lead to very frayed tempers. No morning tea for you. No joy from the email either – just a very long night and a great deal of gnashing of teeth against the people who managed to arrange their Christmas leave before the insanity of this project's deadline became clear. Say hello to Santa for us.
But in most cases it is simply impossible to get much done. You might be able to do some reading. You might even prepare a few drafts. But most of the work needs to go to someone else for approval or comments and every time you send an email you get showered with out-of-office replies. With a skeleton staff on board, it's highly unlikely that the stars will align enough to allow you to actually complete anything. It's disruptive enough in any workplace, but in an organisation as hierarchical as the APS it can be completely stifling. Huge holes in the organisation structure means that most work can neither be delegated nor completed.
A time to think
Given the recent election, this will likely also be a time in which public servants have a chance to stop and talk through the policy issues that are emerging. With the APS becoming increasingly more efficient and frantic, it is rare nowadays to be able to find a good couple of hours to sit down and talk with your colleagues about an issue, without being distracted by a piece of daily process.
A time to read
But, if you're stuck alone in a pod or an office and just need to while away those last crucial hours, here's our top tips. You could try losing yourself down the Buzzfeed rabbit hole. Or try the upmarket delights of Longform. Or you could read a think-piece on everyone's favourite (admit it) Christmas movie, Love Actually.
This is an updated article. It was originally published in 2013 - but shutdown time is still shutdown time, right?
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