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Why Margaret Cho was justifiably angry over Tilda Swinton's demand for emotional labour

Recently, comedian Margaret Cho revealed that actress Tilda Swinton reached out to her over the controversy surrounding her casting as The Ancient One – originally an Asian character in the comics – in Marvel's Doctor Strange. In the TigerBelly podcast where she talked about this, Cho joked that the exchange made her feel like a "house Asian", someone summoned to the heel of a powerful white master to serve in some capacity.

In response to Cho's description of a contentious exchange, Swinton's reps released all the emails the two shared, evidently to show the discussion was cordial. The implicit message, made explicit in the coverage that followed, was clear: Cho is a liar grandstanding for attention.

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It is particularly revealing that the substance of the conversation has not been the focus of the debate so much as the framing of it. Cho described it as a fight, whereas the emails show it was actually a polite discussion. It ought to go without saying that comedy involves exaggeration to highlight the problems or strangeness in a given situation. It ought to go without saying that people of colour are used to laughing off pain.

Of course Cho was polite in her emails; if people of colour weren't polite every time we're confronted with problematic behaviour by powerful white people, we'd be rioting every hour of every day.

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Instead, we do our best to present our case, hope we're actually listened to, and then later vent to our friends about the latest round of extracurricular emotional labour we've had to do in our workplace, in our school, on the bus ride home, or wherever it occurred. There is absolutely nothing surprising about Cho's emails or her account on the podcast; both will be familiar to anyone from marginalised backgrounds or who faces systemic discrimination.

Moments after this much-talked-about segment of the podcast, host Bobby Lee and Cho talk about the danger of being vocal about the shortage of quality roles, and the discrimination they face, because it can lead to a backlash in the industry. This is the context through which the emails should be read – one which acknowledges the playing field is in no way equal.

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With that in mind, let's turn to the emails themselves. Plenty of people have come to Swinton's defence with variations of the line, look how genuine she is, isn't this what we want to see?

Personally, I think a privileged person approaching a member of the underprivileged, whom they don't even personally know, to say "please explain to me how I've participated in your oppression" isn't something to champion. Especially when it comes after the fact. I'd be a lot more generous in my reading of these emails if they'd taken place before Swinton accepted the role, for example. Coming as they do, however, the whole thing reeks of white guilt seeking to be absolved.

In the first email, Swinton says "the diversity debate has come knocking at the door" of Doctor Strange, but also that she is "unaware of what exactly anybody has said about any of it." Obviously, she was aware enough to have her arguments ready in the following emails; and equally obvious, despite saying she wanted to listen more than speak, she had plenty to say.

Having plenty to say despite openly admitting you haven't read anything on the subject surely sums up the white condition in 2016 (see: Trump) - in addition to expecting random people to educate you. This, perhaps more than anything, is the most aggravating part of the exchange. The articles, essays, books, and speeches written by people of colour already exist, and the arguments have been made a thousand times. Breezily saying you haven't bothered with any of it is the epitome of privilege.

Now there are some who will say, don't "shame" Swinton, she was earnest in seeking to understand more. Don't discourage others from wanting to learn. These are the same people who probably say "don't call racist people racists", because it turns them away.

I have news for you: if the idea that you could be wrong about something discourages you from learning, you probably weren't that interested to begin with. Besides which, I'm not interested in coddling the feelings of powerful and the privileged. I have neither the time nor the energy, which is devoted to trying to survive the near-constant attacks on my sexuality, my culture, and my rights, and to protect other marginalised communities from the same.

I will say this: if you do something shameful, that is not the end of you. If you say something racist, that is not the end of you. We should not feel guilty for criticising shameful or racist or ignorant behaviour. If we don't name it, we can't possibly correct it. Own your errors, and try to improve.

If these emails show anything, it's that being polite doesn't help. Both parties walked away with a markedly different impression of the nature of the exchange, and nothing changed.

We need to move away from this idea that simply being polite toward problematic behaviour or overt racists will make them less problematic or overtly racist. Believe me: we've tried. And we've tried. And we've tried. The opposite of politeness need not be rudeness either; what is required is that we acknowledge in full the extent of these systemic issues, and work hard to dismantle them.

Omar Sakr is an Arab Australian poet and writer. Twitter: @OmarjSakr

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