Over a six-day period in mid-November, I learnt of three cases of young rugby league players seeking to take their own lives.
Tragically, one young man died. None were reported as a suicide attempt.
Officially, only three contracted NRL players have taken their own lives in recent history – two with the Cowboys and one with West Tigers – but this ignores the victims in the tier below the NRL and those who had retired.
My local Men of League chapter, an ex-players' welfare organisation, has helped families of four suicides the past three years with $28,000 and emotional support.
Despite the seven cases with which I am familiar, the percentage of past, present and future rugby league players who have taken their own lives is on par with figures for their commensurate age group in society.
Given my experience of only two players I coached over a 10-year period subsequently taking their own lives, these recent figures are frightening.
Of the three recent cases in six days, two were at a club where I have some association and the players were yet to be contracted. The third, the grandson of a player I coached, had finished his NRL career.
I haven't permission of the families to write about two younger players – a 17-year-old and a 20-year-old, both with multi-sport backgrounds – but all of the questions I have asked lead me to the conclusion suicide is a highly complex issue, complicated by myth and misunderstanding.
Social media lauding it as something "cool", or a vehicle for bullying; excessive use of prescription drugs and alcohol; dependence on illicit drugs; pressure to fund large, dependent families; fear of not being contracted; issues of sexuality; family depression ... all are factors but I couldn't find any commonalities in the three cases I have agonised over for a month.
I can write about the former NRL player because his family has come forward to detail all of the factors that contributed to the four attempts he has made on his life, in the hope it helps others.
It began with a phone call from Lynne Dowling, wife of John who played for St George and Queensland's State of Origin team.
Sobbing, she asked me to do something about grandson Jamie, saying, "We are at wit's end and we don't want to see him die".
Jamie was the Titans NYC player of the year in 2010; Burleigh's player of the year in the Intrust Q Cup in 2011; a full-time Titans player in 2012, playing with the NRL club until released when he was one of five Titans charged with cocaine use.
I immediately contacted the NRL and the reply was prompt: "We will speak to his mother and organise help for Jamie."
Jamie flew overseas this month to be treated at a specialised clinic, with the $12,000 fee paid by the NRL.
In the interim, Jamie's mother, Hayley, wrote me a long email, attempting to explain her son's deep depression, while not excusing herself from blame. It follows in abbreviated form:
"In Jamie's last year of high school, he witnessed one of his closest friend's breakdown because of the death of his older brother. Jamie was a smart, well-rounded teenager, receiving a full entrance into Griffith University to study his chosen subject of PE teacher prior to admissions.
"Jamie started his university degree, however was signed to a full-time contract and could no longer travel to Brisbane, for his studies.
"He suffered some major traumas, including the suicide of his best mate and his grandfather [John] injured in a hit-and-run accident.
"Jamie also witnessed my own breakdown with severe depression and anxiety, which led to two hospitalisations. He lost further players through suicide, young men with whom he associated in the football community."
(Six Gold Coast rugby league players have suicided since 2012, including four last year.) "From personal experience and my own research of depression, I started to notice the signs of the behavioural changes in Jamie. I urged him to speak with the Titans doctor who prescribed him medication.
"After a car accident on his way to training, he blew low [alcohol] range. That day was his first attempt of taking his life. I spoke to [coach] John Cartwright personally and expressed my distress about the changes in Jamie. "After my call to Cartwright, Greg Bird [club captain whose later charges for cocaine use were dropped] appeared at my house for a period of two minutes before leaving."
Cartwright cannot recall speaking with Hayley but says, "I had Jamie in my office a number of times and spoke to Jimmy Lenihan [Jamie's stepfather and coach of Burleigh Bears] often about him. It's not fair to say the club didn't do much to help him. I was aware of his issues, particularly at the time he stacked his car and was breathalysed. The club kept him in the system with full-time employment. We actually gave him another [contracted] year because we were aware of his problems. We could have cut him loose but didn't." Lenihan agrees he spoke with Cartwright about Jamie but says the conversations were of a general nature.
Hayley continues: "Jamie was admitted to Currumbin Clinic to treat alcohol abuse, not to deal with his mental state. Jamie stayed in the clinic for approximately eight days.
"The club doctor came to my house and I spoke to her of my concerns for Jamie's mental health. She advised that Jamie should be away from my house because of my depression and placed him to share a house with Beau Falloon."
Falloon was charged with possessing cocaine, but the charges were later dismissed. Jamie's stepfather and coach, Lenihan, says, "Putting him with other players was probably well intentioned but not the best move".
Hayley continues: "My mother [Lynne] called Greg Condon, the Titans physio advising him of the copious amounts of medications Jamie was using, fearing he was becoming dependent on such addictive prescription drugs."
Condon says, "I spoke to Lynne a number of times and I like Jamie. We have a lot of structures in place regarding mental health. It's not a case of giving a player drugs and saying, 'here, take this and you'll be all right'."
Of club doctor Nicci Drew, he says, "She is a really good doctor".
Hayley continues: "The second time Jamie tried to take his life, Cartwright was advised of the situation as he would be unable to make training. He was held at Robina Hospital in the acute mental health ward for young persons. Not once did a Titan official or player make a visit to the hospital.
"Upon Jamie's return to train he was allocated mentors, Greg Bird and Nate Myles, and my mother pleaded with Greg to talk with him.
"We approached many of the Titans officials asking for help. It has now been four times that Jamie has tried to take his life and has put strain on my family's mental health. I believe that if the Titans had intervened with his mental health, he would never have travelled down a road of needing cocaine for a high."
A welfare officer with the Titans at the time declined to speak to the Herald on the grounds of confidentiality. Dr Paul Ohmsen, who was the Titans doctor during Jamie's years with the club and Burleigh, was shocked to learn of his four suicide attempts, saying, "I have a 77-page report on Jamie. I saw him more than any other Titans player. But sometimes, despite the best of intentions my myself, our other doctor Nicci and Greg Condon and no matter how much help we give, some slip through the cracks.
"Our failings with Jamie came from the lack of communication from different people inside the football club. We didn't sit down together enough and communicate directly with each other."
Hayley also concedes: "As our family, we broached Jamie's mental health problems with him but he pulled back from us emotionally and physically. As parents and grandparents, I can guarantee we tried to seek help outside of the Titans, to which Jamie declined.
"I know Jamie is not innocent in the Titans cocaine scandal, however please explain why a young man that has a contract of $60,000 per annum can afford to purchase cocaine on that income."
In September Dowling was sentenced to 200 hours community service and fined $500 after pleading guilty to possessing and supplying cocaine in 2014. He was also sentenced to two years of probation.
Cartwright says of the Titans cocaine scandal: "Drugs and the Gold Coast go hand in hand, so we went outside the parameters to do more tests than any other NRL club. We continued to do this until the money ran down and then we did the bare minimum."
The Burleigh Bears team Jamie captained won the Q Cup but he was not allowed to travel to Sydney for the national grand final because his probation prevented interstate travel. While Hayley is grateful for the help the NRL has provided her son, her thoughts are also with others.
"What about the regular Joe's who do not have the contacts within their son's club or know someone of influence who can obtain them help?
"I'm afraid that if we did not have a complete family unit working around the clock for Jamie, he may not be here and this is not acceptable to the present and past players who are experiencing issues. We have been told by the Titans to keep quiet about Jamie going to the facility and the NRL's involvement. Is this because they can't be bothered spending money on players who have trained their arses off, dropped blood sweat and tears?
"These men are bringing in the money for the game. Without the players there is no game and I won't sit back and watch the fringe players being treated with the disrespect."
I showed the relevant NRL official the email, challenging him on the accusation his administration sought to keep the matter quiet, lest it involve similar requests for costly treatment.
To the NRL's immense credit, he said, "We will help any of our past and present players who come forward".
He made it clear the help for Jamie was not conditional on anything in the email being deleted from publication and welcomed transparency, except in areas of patient confidentiality.
I have never been more proud of a rugby league official.
The NRL believes Jamie's recovery will take longer than the initial cost and will stand by him. The Titans' welfare officer, Peter Smith, will escort him home when Jamie is released.
Hayley said of Smith, a former first-grade forward, "He's been an incredible help and only took the gig because of the failure of others".
Cartwright, now an assistant coach with Manly, says, "It's important to note that Jamie has not been in the Titans system for two years and Smithy, who was his under-20 team manager and the current welfare officer, is still assisting him".
Titans' chief executive, Graham Annesley, a former NRL operations manager and NSW sports minister, joined the Titans two years ago and has dedicated himself to the club's resurrection, including a major turnover of the playing group and coaching staff.
He said he had no knowledge of the club's failings towards Jamie and only became aware of the cocaine culture when the five Titans were charged.
Annesley said: "This is a very different club to what it was two years ago."
For crisis or suicide prevention support, please call:
Lifeline 13 11 14, lifeline.org.au
Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467, suicidecallbackservice.org.au
MensLine Australia 1300 789 978, mensline.org.au
beyondblue 1300 224 636, beyondblue.org.au