She was the first neighbour we had in Australia. She left us place settings for two, two tea towels, and a kettle on our doorstep after she learned that our things wouldn't arrive from America for another month and a half.
It was the holiday season. A tough time to make cross-continental moves.
On New Year's Day, she had us over for "a cup of tea". I can't remember if she was born here or an immigrant from Scotland, but she was certainly proud of her Scottish heritage. She explained that we were her first guests on New Year's Day, a detail of significance in her culture. Something called First-Footing.
A custom of Hogmanay: the first guest over the threshold on New Year's Day, it was hoped, would bring an assortment of humble, symbolic items of food and drink in order to procure good luck for the host in the coming year.
Since we had none of these items, our neighbour had them ready for us to give to her: salt, coal, whiskey, shortbread, and a fruit cake of some kind sat upon a plate on the entry table near her front door. She let us choose the items from the plate that we wished to give her, and then we handed them back to her as we stepped inside.
While we sat in the foyer of her terrace house and enjoyed her homemade shortbread cookies, she proceeded to tell us about "The Neighbourhood". The neighbours on the other side were an "eyesore", she said. Italians. "Always talking loudly in Italian on their phones, leaning out the windows. I have to ask them to be quiet five times a day or keep my windows shut. And they hang their laundry across that upstairs balcony. The council really should do something about it. I've reported it more than once," she said.
The loud-talking Italian neighbours were one thing, but the Chinese who fed the pigeons in the small park behind her house seemed to be an even greater source of agony. According to our neighbour, the Chinese dirtied up the park. They left litter and food around for the pigeons to pick at, and eventually the seagulls would come and really make a mess of things. "Those birds, they just spread garbage and disease. It was discussed at the last council meeting. Something will be done about it."
She gave us the lay of the land. The Woolworths on the corner was where the Aborigines gathered. "But they're relatively harmless. Just drunk. Don't give them money." There was a butcher a street over who sold turkeys for the Americans at the holidays, and if I ever needed any jewellery or watches repaired, she knew a good repairman: "He's Greek but trustworthy."
My husband and I listened and smiled politely and tried to get out of there as quickly as possible. Our neighbour was kind in her intentions, but her blind unawareness of her basis of judgment of other human beings was disturbing, and in large quantities, a potentially dangerous thing.
Since then I've realised that our neighbour introduced us to more than the neighbourhood; she introduced us to normalised racism in Australia. And over the years, I've seen it worsen. As it has globally, the anti-Muslim sentiment has grown stronger here. Worrisome generalisations like, "There's no such thing as a peaceful Muslim" are becoming more common.
Most people reading this would dismiss that statement for what it is: an uninformed prejudice. That said, there are a lot of people who believe mainstream fearmongers and think that Muslims are dangerous aggressors determined to infiltrate a country and convert its inhabitants to Islam.
These people can't differentiate between a general belief system and the extremists of that ideology.
Because it's the extremists of any religion or movement that are the true threat to peace. And we create those extremists ourselves. They are the manifested response to our divisive rhetoric, our mob mentality, and the unopposed false statements and prejudices that are allowed to circulate within our cultures.
A UN special rapporteur on racism, Mutuma Ruteere, in his recent visit to Australia, fingered Australian politicians as a whole as being influential contributors to the xenophobic hate speech that fuels the rise of racism and anti-Muslim sentiment here. Ruteere warned that those who refuse to denounce such speech serve to normalise it within the culture.
Like Peter Dutton, who recently said that "of the last 33 people who have been charged with terrorist-related offences in this country, 22 are from second- and third-generation Lebanese Muslim backgrounds".
Head of counter-terrorism policy at the Australian Strategic Policy Institute Jacinta Carroll replied: "Fortunately in Australia to date the numbers of supporters of Islamist extremism and terrorism are very low; so low, in fact, they're categorised as cases and clusters rather than being statistically useful," she said.
But Dutton doesn't explain that. Truths like that would contradict his xenophobic agenda, but it's truths like that that should be shared loudly.
It's the holiday season again. I'm digging out family decorations and going through customs and traditions that are foreign here but age-old in my family. Australia-wide there are people like me, like that first neighbour, enjoying the customs of our diverse backgrounds, and I find myself wondering about the word "assimilation", how it stands in such stark contradiction to the multicultural society Australia touts itself as being. How can we be multicultural if we're all the same?
Muslims are regularly criticised for "not assimilating" into Australian culture, and I wonder what that means. Why are Muslims expected to trade in their customs and traditions for Australian ones yet my neighbour feels she can freely cultivate and share her Scottish traditions and racist judgments of others, with strangers? Surely, that kind of bigoted, hypocritical thinking is far more dangerous to society than a headscarf.
Aubrey Perry is a Fairfax Media columnist.
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