Journos Behind (small) Bars: Decanter sorts the dudes from the men

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With so many small bars popping up on the drinking landscape of Perth, WAtoday journalists decided to go "behind bars" to soak up the new scene, evening out the playing field with our own (slightly unorthodox) rating system.

Decanter opened on the Causeway end of Victoria Park's ever-better cafe strip a few months ago in the spot formerly occupied by That Little Mexican Place.

Though there's plenty of good eating around, bars have always been thin on the ground so the addition of another is a welcome diversification.

The name Decanter led me to expect a swanky small bar with a wine list as heavy as a Bible and tapas light as air.

But my guest was my Mum, famed for her ferocious hatred of pricey wine lists conspicuously lacking in chardonnay, and for her merciless treatment of waitstaff if she cannot have said grape.

So it was a relief to find a cosy American-themed lounge bar with a manly brown interior, a solid and sensible booze list (with chardonnay), obliging but basic service and a menu positively dripping with bacon fat.

Tosser Factor
It's a Wednesday but as the evening wears on the place fills to a respectable level with a clientele mostly under 40, but not notably hipster. The coolest cat in there is a guy who looks like the owner or manager, sporting an impressive pair of tattoo 'sleeves'. 

Food For Thought
'Dude food', fare with a strong American influence, fancified through small portioning and share-plating, was first popularised in Perth by the Merrywell at Crown and is spreading like wildfire through the bar scene. 

Menus feature over-representation (or for some, appropriate representation) of bacon, pulled pork and sliders - miniature burgers more deadly than normal burgers as their adorableness causes you to eat 18 in one sitting.

Decanter is dude food on steroids, dude food with a capital D, a thick neck and bulging veins.

Menu examples: bacon and cheese balls with honey-salted mayo; cheese-stuffed jalapeno with sour cream; mac and cheese; wings; spicy wings; pork belly with honey bourbon glaze; jerky; 'bacon bombs' (mince wrapped in bacon with barbecue sauce); the obligatory slider menu and pulled pork, which our friendly waitress explains is a heart attack in waiting, sorry, I mean a Canadian dish of chips slathered in pulled pork, cheese and pork jus.

We ordered pale ale-battered fish with baja cream and pea puree (fine, but batter slightly bland, condiments great but meagre) and eggplant parmigiana (do not fool yourself into thinking this will be healthy, but rather inches of crispy crumbs, cheddar, sauce and mayo; more than enough for a full dinner for one). We also, stupidly, ordered chicken waffles, deep-fried chicken pieces atop syrup-soaked waffles.

Mum sensibly stopped at one and I gutsed the other three. WARNING. DO NOT GUTS THREE, no matter sweet and sticky and tender and pillowy and crunchy they are.

In essence, if you are a person used to lean protein and nice steamed vegies for dinner as I am, I recommend you limit yourself to one to two of the larger share plates between two and supplement with salad or vegetable sides. The food is delicious but rich, heavy and generously portioned.

I staggered out awash with piggy remorse.

Quirky Artefact 
Again, hipster factor low. No jam jars. My martini came in a martini glass and Mum's chardy in a wine glass. There were decanters, but charmingly repurposed as light fittings. Also, Decanter has pioneered a new interiors category: dude design. Furniture, chairs, couches, everything dark wood or in shades of brown. I love it. I want to curl up with a glass of (amber) liquid and a book on the (brown) leather couch on a (dark) winter's day. May I make an all-important note, the toilets are also nicely redecorated with nice (brown) dresser and pretty light fittings and the whole place is wheelchair accessible. 

Signature Drink 
My only gripe. My gin martini was watery. Flavour and dryness OK, but watery. Having said that, I'm sure the staff would have happily tried again but I don't tend to give second chances with martinis so I downed it with a grimace and moved on to a glass of American chardy. OK, but not the best. There's a biggish list of cocktails but this is really a place you come to for the menu and location, not the drinks. 

Bogan Beer Factor
Medium. There's no Carlton Draught here, but the list is reasonably husband-friendly with nothing overly intimidating. There's Peroni, both Leggera and not, which pleases me, and variously coloured ales, Bud light, Stella, Corona, Millers, etc, nothing startling. 

Location, Location
Excellent. An easy 10-minute stroll from the Causeway Bridge bus station - and you're gonna need that stroll back to justify what you just ate - or a 5-10 minute bus ride from the city to right outside the door. Plenty of on-street and side-street parking around as this is the quieter end of the strip.

Price Gouge 
Very reasonable in comparison to many. We got our outrageous meal, cocktail and two wines for $90. Beers average $9-$10, wines by the glass $8-$14, cocktails $12-$16. Share plates $9-$30 according to size, but as I say, you can get by with one medium-sized plate per person plus a side.

Overall, the place is not spectacular, but it's promising and a safe bet for a nice night. 

14/20

0-4 – Scraping the bottom of the barrel ·        
5-9 – Like a pony of midstrength  
10-15 – Worth another shot
16-20 – Make this your new local. Now

Decanter
279 Albany Highway, Victoria Park
Sun-Thurs 11.30am-10.30pm
Fri, Sat 11.30am-midnight
*Takes reservations – a win in my book. There's nothing that grinds my gears more than being told I can't book a table in a restaurant, but that's a rant for another time.

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