![I couldn't help thinking how all the kids who didn't get an award were feeling.](http://web.archive.org./web/20180611204630im_/http://www.essentialkids.com.au/content/dam/images/g/t/9/n/w/h/image.related.articleLeadwide.620x349.gt9nuk.png/1481573699692.jpg)
My seven-year-old was up on stage, a laminated certificate in her hand and a huge grin on her face. Her hard work throughout the year had earned her enough merit points to earn a coveted 'gold' award and boy was she proud of herself.
The principal gave a short speech to acknowledge the kids on stage. "These kids have worked so hard," she began. But as she went on I stopped thinking about my big girl on the stage and started to worry about my little kindergartener in the audience.
Unlike her big sister, my little one didn't earn enough points to get a gold award. And although she understood that not everyone gets one, I knew she was disappointed.
The principal continued to sing the praises of the kids on stage. She reminded us again about how hard they had worked, how committed they had been to the school's values and how proud she was to have them in the school.
It was a lovely tribute to a group of kids who have undoubtedly worked their socks off. But I couldn't help thinking how all the other kids in the room were feeling. Hadn't they worked hard too?
It is a tricky balance – of course students that have excelled in achievement and effort should be rewarded. But on the other hand, shouldn't all students be acknowledged for getting through the school year?
Family therapist Martine Oglethorpe agrees that it can be difficult. "We need to be encouraging reward for effort and personal achievement and growth rather than how one performs against peers," she says.
Oglethorpe also notes that children need to have confidence in their abilities so it is important to acknowledge individual achievements. "Every student who works hard does need to be rewarded and have their achievements recognised so they can continue to improve," she tells me.
While some parents may feel that this approach rewards mediocrity, Oglethorpe says that on the contrary, it is about acknowledging the significant achievements of individual students, however varied they may be.
For my five-year-old kindy girl, it has been a massive year and I couldn't be prouder. She made the transition from pre-school to Kindergarten smoothly and has become a very independent little girl. She has made new friends, navigated her way around the school and learnt valuable life skills such as looking after her canteen money.
So how should we celebrate her achievements? I asked other parents in my community how they acknowledge their children's end of year successes.
"We go out for a family treat, like ice cream and a movie," says mum of two Lou. "We don't focus on school reports or awards, we just say we are celebrating the end of the school year. I tell my kids that I am really proud of them too – I think that is just as important to them as the treat."
Likewise, Alice says: "starting school was massive for my son, it took him ages to get used to the new routine. So now that he has made it to the end of the year I want to celebrate with him. He definitely wasn't top of the class academically, but he has come such a long way since January."
As well as celebrating and acknowledging her successes, I wanted my little one to feel proud of herself. We talked about how she felt going to school on the first day and looked at some photos to remind her. Then we talked about all the things she has achieved from learning to read and write to mastering her shoe laces.
Of course there is a place for special school awards, but they shouldn't ellipse the hard work and effort of other students. We all want our kids to try their best, so let's acknowledge them for their individual achievements – whatever they may be.