Fake garlic, bin lids and umbrella stands; Masters have a lot of lacklustre products that people won't buy, no matter the price.
Sunday is the last day of trading for the home improvement chain, a failed multi-billion dollar experiment for Woolworths.
The big-blue-box store has been having a fire sale, trying to dump stock for whatever few shekels it can get. Discounts have been upped to 95 per cent for the last two days of trade before the stores close for good.
Nearly all the stock is now gone. Shelves are empty. But what is left behind - what people still won't buy, even at 95 per cent off - tells an important story about how Woolworths and Masters got it so wrong.
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Fairfax visited the Hawthorn East store on Friday afternoon. The business's vast car park was nearly empty. Inside, everything left had been dumped on a few tables. Each item was priced individually - or the whole table of items (including the table) could be bought in bulk for about $30.
Here are the weirdest, saddest things left.
1. Plastic fake garlic
All the other members of Masters' fake-fruitbowl family have already gone, but sales for the garlic have, well, stunk. For the price you could... probably just buy real garlic.
2. Wooden blocks
These are hand-rail fixings - "builders love em", the box says. Sadly, customers did not. The handrails had all gone, making it unclear what these could be used for. As you can see, there were plenty of these left. They are selling for $1.97 a box, down from $39.95.
3. Flags, so many flags
No mast-haves here. But if you need flags, Masters has a lot of flags. Boxes and boxes of red safety flags. The possibilities are endless.
4. Bin lids
Plenty of bin lids for sale, but no bin bodies, which makes them a bit useless. What happened here? Did people buy bin bodies and not the lids? Or did Masters order more lids than bodies - in the belief there was a higher level of demand for them?
5. Umbrella stands
This falls into the same category as the bin lids. Huge amounts of umbrella bases for sale, but not an umbrella in sight. Why did Masters have so many of these in stock? Useful for anyone looking for... a stand.
6. Bathtub hand holds
These looked reasonably useful. You clamp them on the side of the bath so you don't slip over. However, they were not selling. Possibly because the box art hasn't been updated since the 1960s - or because no one uses baths anymore. The boxes were sufficiently battered to suggest Masters may have had these in stock for a long time.
7. Masters' shopping bags
The pick for those looking for a Masters souvenir. There are pallets and pallets of plastic shopping bags, which at one point Masters' management presumed would be filled with purchases made by customers. Instead Masters staff now have to work out how much to charge for a box - and how to run them through the cash register.
8. Cash register tape
The unused receipt tape for sales Masters never made, and now never will make. Presumably there are some business-owners who would find this quite useful. There are rolls of it left.
9. Resuscitation signs
Woolworths tried to resuscitate Masters, but sadly the patient died on the table.