By Peter FitzSimons
When it comes to television rights, Australian rugby has long been somewhere between the devil and the deep blue sea. To grow and compete, it needs to be on free-to-air television, always the oxygen for any sporting flame. But to pay its bills in the professional era it needs the money that only comes from paid television. The way forward for many and many a'moon has been to leave Super Rugby on pay TV, while ensuring that the Tests, at least, are on free-to-air as well – usually parking it wherever they can find Gordon Bray. But this Spring tour, as many of my email correspondents have informed me, with some angst, the two most popular Tests – against England and France – will be on ... neither.
That's right. As it stands, well into the 21st Century, at a time we take it as a given that if you have pay TV, at least, you can watch pretty much anything any time, somehow negotiations have broken down to the point that, as it stands, the Test against France in a fortnight will be the first Wallaby Test since the one against Fiji in 1984 – back when dinosaurs roamed the earth – not to be on free-to-air. How did this happen? In part, it is because rugby has been so on the nose of late that none of the free-to-air networks put a bid in to broadcast the spring tour. And while the Foxsports rival beIN Sports – who used to be Al Jazeera Sports – outbid them for the pay TV rights, at the moment they're not bothering to put those two Tests to air! Who's to blame? It is tempting to say Australian Rugby, but closer to the mark is Australian rugby. The real problem is that not enough of us are watching the Tests put to air, at the end of this singularly ordinary season, for the broadcasters to bid up big. These are grim times, and the solution is not obvious. But it going to have to start with the Wallabies winning more frequently, and in more spectacular fashion!
Kenny, played strong, done good
"The TV business," Hunter S Thompson once famously wrote, "is uglier than most things. It is normally perceived as some kind of cruel and shallow money trench through the heart of the journalism industry, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free and good men die like dogs ..."
Just how Kenny Sutcliffe not only survived but prospered in that world for so many decades on end – being popular with public and workmates alike – is a matter of some discussion this week, as he announces his retirement.
Retiring: Ken Sutcliffe, here with Graham Kennedy in 1988, is ready to start playing a bit of sport rather than watching it.
But I thought Channel Nine's executive producer of sport, Tom Malone, got closest when he said: "He did his homework, knew his stuff, made broadcasting look easy, and always had a kind word and a laugh for his fellow broadcasters and the production crew. He has a great sense of fun and irreverence. He's a great team man, and we'll miss him greatly. Has there ever been a greater twinkle in the eye than Ken's?"
Bingo. Everyone who prospers in TV in the long term is able to play to a coveted long suit, and that was Kenny's – that mischievous twinkle in his eyes, the projection that this next item is such a cracker, that even though he is the presenter, he is only just holding it together. Wait till you see it!
My own favourite was a few years ago, on Nine's national news, when a story was presented concerning golfer Mianne Bagger and how she had started life as a man but after an operation was now a woman. The final shot of the story showed Bagger hitting the ball awry, and on handing back to the main newsreader, Mark Ferguson, Ken added deadpan, but the eyes gave him away: "That's a very nasty slice..."
Get behind a good cause
Thank you, thank you all! The Cauliflower Club's fifth annual charity lunch will be taking place at the Westin Hotel, Sydney CBD, on Friday November 18, as we Go to Rio with the gold winning women's sevens and Para rugby coaches and players in attendance, plus the men's sevens coach and players.
Illustration: John Shakespeare
TFF's Missus, Lisa Wilkinson, will MC the lunch featuring special guests, including Eric Tweedale, the oldest surviving Wallaby, proposing the toast to the backs, while Peter Fenton will propose the toast to the forwards. Heading towards a sell-out. Call Kerry 0498 888 333 for tickets.
Sticking together
Ken Catchpole, pictured in 1967. Credit: Stuart MacGaldrie
The fifth Wallabies of 1966 have just held a reunion in Gundagai, 50 years after their amazing tour. Under captain John Thornett, they toured the British Isles, France and Canada for five months. Dick Marks planned the reunion, which saw them come together for extended lunches and unstoppable story-telling at Jim Lenehan's property, down Cootamundra way, one day and Jim Miller's nearby property the next.
The players travelled from all over Australia for the reunion, with Dick Webb even coming from England, where he now lives. The other Wallabies who attended were Stewart Boyce, John Brass, Ken Catchpole, Peter Crittle, John Francis, Paul Gibbs, Jules Guerassimoff, Rob Heming, Tony Moore, John O'Gorman, David and John Taylor, Ross Teitzel, Russ Tulloch and Richard Webb.
Journalist Jim Webster, who accompanied the team, also attended and reflected on the tour from his perspective. They beat Wales and England, and Webster reminded them all of the remarks made at the post-match dinner after the England Test by Duggie Harrison, president of the Rugby Football Union.
"I have come to know these boys well on this tour," he said of the Wallabies. "And I have enjoyed immensely the refreshing brand of football they have played, particularly what they showed us today. It has also been my pleasure to see the greatest scrumhalf the world has ever known."
The banquet room at the London Hilton then shook with applause as Catchpole smiled self-consciously. That generation of Wallabies remain convinced nothing has changed. Incidentally, during the reunion one of the (oldish) duty boys did a count and found that 11 hip and 15 knee replacements have been done ... other than that, travelling pretty well! Bravo. That generation have always been notable for looking after each other. At least a little bit better than the Australian cricket team in recent years ...
What they said
Not mincing his words: Mal Meninga.Credit: Getty Images
Aidan Shiels, owner of second-place-getter of the Melbourne Cup, Heartbreak City, gives a memorable burst of exuberance in the post-race celebrations: "I don't care! I don't care! We would have been happy with last."
Ken Sutcliffe to hang up the autocue: "I have always said you retire while they still want you and that's the case at Nine. I have worked with and alongside some of the giants of Australian television, including Brian Henderson, Graham Kennedy and Ray Warren. I can't wait to spend more time with my grandchildren, play a bit of sport rather than watch it and travel with my wife, Anne."
Matilda Alanna Kennedy reflecting on Rio heartache: "There's always the chance that we will get another chance."
Surprise, surprise, Rio drug testing was shambolic and WADA is appalled: "It undermines respect and trust among athletes in the anti-doping program, and provides opportunities for experienced and unscrupulous athletes who would want to abuse the system to manipulate the doping control process."
Michael Clarke: "I reckon I played with close to 100 players for Australia. I reckon there might be 90 other players who might come out and say Michael's leadership actually helped my game, improved my game and that I do still have a great relationship with."
Mal Meninga on his relationship with Wayne Bennett: "I know there is a perception that he and I are friends. We're not enemies, but we're not friends either. There's no bad blood – there's just no blood at all. There is no relationship there. We don't talk."
More Meninga on Bennett: "What disappoints me is that, as a grown man and a professional, he should be able to accept the decision once it has been made. It does annoy me that he is in the background chipping away, trying to undermine my authority and my position with the Australian Rugby League."
Ben Simmons not impressed with the American college basketball system: "The NCAA is really f----- up. Everybody's making money except the players ... I don't get paid to do it. Don't say I'm an amateur and make me take pictures and sign stuff and go make hundreds of thousands of millions of dollars off one person."
Sebastian Vettel in a road rage after the Mexican Grand Prix: "F--- off. Honestly f--- off. Move! Move for [bleep] sake! He's a [long bleep], that's what he is." Not happy, Jan.
Philadelphia Eagle Josh Huff on carrying a handgun: "I'm a professional athlete. What professional athlete don't have a gun? I have a wife and I have a son at home. My job is to protect them at all costs, and my job is to protect myself as well, even though I know I have security here, but I have to protect myself as well." Madness. This is not going to end well.
Brad Hogg, on the rough time he went through after his cricket career and marriage ended at much the same time: "Sometimes I drove down to Fremantle to think about what was going on in my life. I parked my car at Port Beach and went for a walk. I'd stare out at the sea and think, I could swim out to that groyne, and if I make it back, fine. If I don't make it back ... well, hard luck. I was prepared to let fate decide. I was in a really dark space." Lifeline 13 11 14. His life has come good.
Team of the week
Almandin. Winner of the 156th Melbourne Cup.
Alicia Coutts. The five-time Olympic medallist hangs up the googles.
Laurie 'Truck' Sams SC. A one-legged Vietnam veteran has arrived in Melbourne on the final stages of his epic six-month, 10,000-kilometre bike ride from Hanoi to Sydney to raise awareness of veteran suicide and post-traumatic stress disorder. Those interested in donating or finding out more can go to www.thelongridehome.com.au.
Bangladesh. Recorded their first Test win over England. And so it was written, in the future, the minnows will be whales.
Drought-breakers: The Chicago Cubs celebrate after a marathon rain-affected decider against Cleveland.Credit: Getty Images
Chicago Cubs. Their first World Series win in 108 years sees them join Leicester City, the Cleveland Cavaliers, Western Bulldogs and Cronulla Sharks in a remarkable string of teams who've nailed huge triumphs in 2016 after long droughts. Is it the Chinese year of the Flying Pig?
Kraigg Brathwaite. West Indian opener became the first player to remain not out in both innings of a Test. They were playing Pakistan.
Batting For Change. Happening at Barker College, next Wednesday to raise funds for the Foundation of Goodness, Sri Lanka. BFC XI featuring Ryan Carters, Ed Cowan, Steve O'Keefe, Alyssa Healy and Lisa Sthalekar will take on the Barker XI. The school gates will be open to the public, with a sausage sizzle, live music and a raffle. For more info go to battingforchange.com.au
Twitter: @Peter_Fitz