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Reaction to Steve Smith catch proves Australia's cultural cringe is alive and well

Peter FitzSimons

The Steve Smith catch! Did you see it, did you SEE it? Against New Zealand, in the first one-dayer at the SCG, the Kiwi SMASHED it, and the ball flew by Smith to the left. You or I would have been aware of it when we heard the smack in the fence. But not Smith. Like a champion, he hurled himself to his left, flashed his arms and fingers out to a point that would have done Inspector Gadget proud, and ... hauled it in! A truly magnificent catch, deserving of sincere congratulations.

But, sports fans, you still haven't heard the best part! The Americans saw it, too! And they, like, not only know who we are, but were impressed by the catch! A USA Today journalist wrote about it! And a Sports Illustrated columnist, too! A CNN commentator even talked about it in glowing terms! Oh, the glory for our nation!

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Steve Smith's outrageous catch

BJ Watling fell victim to an incredible diving catch from Smith.

Such has, I kid you not, been the tenor of much of the coverage since the catch. I cringe, you cringe, we all cringe. When an American baseballer or footballer takes an amazing catch, and we talk about it in Australia, do you really think that in America they give a flying fark? It's great that they're impressed. We are, too. But why do we fall all over ourselves, and only think something is truly valuable, if it has the imprimatur of another nation stamped upon it? It is the last bastion of the cultural cringe. What next, for us? Will we reserve the prime spot on our own flag, for the flag of another nation? I say we are better than that! 

Life on another planet

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I bow to no one, and I mean no one, in my admiration for David Pocock. As morally courageous as he is physically fearless, as brilliant a player on the field as he is a great ambassador for rugby and the Wallabies in the wider community, he is the player of his generation and my pick to lead the Wallabies to the next World Cup, good Lord willing and the creeks don't rise. But ... pay him $750K to have a sabbatical next year, as part of the three-year deal he has just signed with the ARU? Finance his gap year to that extent, just to ensure that he stays with Australian rugby in the long-term. That is a mistake and entirely unsustainable. At a time when Australian rugby is bleeding across the board, when registrations are down, when interest is low, when Gloom and Doom are in the centres, and Down and Beat are anchoring the front-row, we are putting that amount of money towards one player, with troubled knees to do ... nothing.

I quote the Leader of the Opposition, Brett Papworth on the subject: "What planet are they living on?"

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Those who defend the move, make the point that Wallabies the calibre of Pocock are the ones who make the turnstiles click, and drive the viewers towards the TV sets, and so they must get the lion's share of the revenue, leaving whatever crumbs fall off the table for the grassroots game. I understand that logic, just as I get that Pocock has negotiated brilliantly and has secured himself his worth – what the market will bear, once all the laws of supply and demand come into play. (Demand for players like him are enormous, while in terms of supply there's only one or two players in the world you'd let tie his bootlaces before a big match.)

EDINBURGH, SCOTLAND - NOVEMBER 11: David Pocock of Australia is seen during the captains run at Murrayfield Stadium on November 11, 2016 in Edinburgh, Scotland. (Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images)

Paid sabbatical: David Pocock. Photo: Getty Images

But please take my point in return. If you are talking market value, when do the grassroots get their commercial share? They create the environment that produces these players and without them there would be no players, no games and no fans. It is those clubs that are the true lifeblood of the game and they who must be sustained on more than crumbs. It is well-documented that those clubs are in serious trouble right now, with player registrations down across the board. Do we really say to 10,000 teenage players, we want $75 registration fees from you, to give to one player, not to play, but just not to go elsewhere? Friends, it is un-rugby.    

Give me an N, give me an O 

Cheerleading as an Olympic sport?

No. No. No. And again I say no.

And yes, I know that, particularly in the States, many athletic, skilled and highly driven people are involved, both men and women. I know that many really do consider it a highly competitive sport. But nothing changes the essence of it. The idea of the thing is to, yes, lead the cheers for others doing sport, not getting out on to the field, the court, or the rink themselves. For young girls, particularly, the more you pump up the volume on cheerleading, the more likely you are to steer them towards pouring their energy into systemised cheering for men, rather than getting involved in myriad female sports themselves. In Australia, do we really want to go down that path? I say no, no, no, a thousand times, NO!

Tell me which part of this I have got wrong?

To die for

Gawd I love this.

Reader Tim Chapman was back home in Newcastle for a family barbecue last Sunday, to be told by his elderly mother, "Your father went to Merewether Ocean Baths this morning to the 'Diddidi' Swimming Club."

"What's that?" Tim asked.

"It's a group of very elderly gents who swim at the baths every day. If one of the group doesn't turn up the conversation quickly turns to 'did he die did he?' Hence the naming of the club!"

Apparently club membership is going well.

Gotta love that city, and that spirit!

Paying it forward

Bravo Rod and Liz Macqueen. Our former World Cup-winning coach, and more particularly his wife Liz, proved to be the prime movers behind raising the money to build Sargood on Collaroy way – essentially a one-stop shop for those on the long journey back from spinal injury, boasting state-of-the-art facilities and medical staff who are the best in their field. With the help of the northern beaches community, most particularly including Collaroy Beach Club, Collaroy Surf Club and the Long Reef Golf Club, the Primary Club and the help of Bunnings, Harvey Norman and Domayne, not to mention a private benefactor they raised $22 million to make it happen.

TFF attended the opening last week, by Premier Mike Baird, and was stunned by how magnificent the whole facility is. If I might say, particularly impressive was the gym, in large part financed by TFF's own Cauliflower Club, whereby rugby people kick in $50 every time a Wallaby front-rower scores a Test try. It is precisely the kind of thing our money should be going to.

THEY SAID

Ben Cousins will appear in Armadale Magistrates Court on Wednesday.

Down and out: Ben Cousins.

Former West Coast Eagles star, Ben Cousins, after a decade battling drug addiction: "I am living out of a backpack at the moment. I move between three mates' houses, spend time on different couches. There's a lady I knock around with these days who I stay with, otherwise I just move on to another place."

IOC spokesman Mark Adams, wraps up Rio: "Someone called them the most perfect imperfect Games. It's actually quite a good characterisation. As you remember in the lead-up to the games, we are all going to die of Zika or poisoned water or we were all going to be mugged in the streets. As it turns out we find out that the Games were the most universal, the most consumed ever." 

Khloe Kardashian is dating Cleveland Cavalier Tristan Thompson and responded savagely on Twitter to a fan who suggested she was adversely affecting the team's whole game: "They are #1 in their conference but thanks 4 sucking my d*** hard enough 2 think I have that much power. Lick on my b***s while you're at it." No, I don't quite follow it either. Must be some kind of reality show thing?

Bernard Tomic on if he and Nick Kyrgios were unfairly targeted by the media: "Absolutely, they misunderstand us. We are young, we are successful. But it turns into a bit of negative energy when we do things wrong. I think sometimes we do push it more than we should. But that is our personality, our character ... I'm not the best. I'm not the brightest, but we all have our problems. I think the main thing is I'm doing what I love and I really respect the sport."

Mark Philippoussis did not squander his ability but nor did he maximise what he had.

Can I help: Mark Philippoussis. Photo: Eddie Jim

Scud Philippoussis on how he can help Nick Kyrgios: "I'm not here to say what he's doing is right or wrong. It's just important for him right now to get a good team around him. Not someone who says 'don't, don't, don't'."

Manchester United striker Zlatan Ibrahimovic on claims he kicked an opponent in the head: "I heard one of the commentators say I kicked someone in the head on purpose, but it was a 50-50 duel and he pulled me down. Trust me, if I want to kick someone in the head, I know." 

Port Adelaide chairman David Koch on one of their young players, Jarman Impey, who hit some cars while driving, abandoned the car with his phone and wallet inside and then walked some 17 kilometres: "It was just stupid – plain stupid. He's been dealing with some personal circumstances which is absolutely no excuse."

Baseballer Huston Street on the tobacco ban from Major League Baseball parks, including, now, chewing tobacco: "I think the smokeless tobacco ban is both logical and I am thankful. I understand choice, but choosing to die sooner is not one I support."

Brazilian political scientist Mauricio Santoro, of Rio State University in the wash-up to Rio: "What we can say is that it was a bad decision from a financial point of view, and that giving these tax cuts did not result in jobs or economic growth to Rio. And now the state is broken, and it has to cut salaries and pensions, so hundreds of thousands of people are going to suffer very negative impacts because of these decisions." Olympic cities left with devastating bills that impoverish their populations is now the rule, not the exception.

Nico Rosberg retires after winning the Formula One world championship: "It's mission accomplished as far as I am concerned.  I'm so proud to be here. It's been a pretty intense period but it was my childhood dream. When I saw this trophy for the first time today, I immediately went and found where my Dad's name was on it. It's very special and emotional to share with him what he did 34 years ago. When I was six, I wanted to be world champion and I have done it. Now on to other things – family first, see what the future holds and just follow my heart."

Team of the Week

England rugby team. They beat the Wallabies for their 14th win on the trot. If they can go through the Six Nations undefeated, they will beat the All Blacks' record for most consecutive wins, at 18.  

Eddie Jones. See above. After not making it out of the pool stage of the 2015 World Cup, under Eddie they are yet to register a defeat. Deep sigh. Thousand-yard stare, in a 10-yard room.

Tom Brady. Became the winningest quarterback in NFL history.

Nico Rosberg. Hangs up the keys although I'm pretty sure Formula One cars don't have keys.

Nico Rosberg is waving goodbye to Formula One.

Nico Rosberg is waving goodbye to Formula One. Photo: Getty Images

NSW Breakers. Our state's women's cricket team have just won their 18th championship.

Barry O'Farrell. Our former Premier is about to become Racing Australia's CEO.

Ricky Ponting. Is about to be installed as assistant coach to Justin Langer, running the Australian Twenty20 team.

Kenny! Signed off from Channel Nine sports anchoring, after a lazy four decades in the saddle. Go well, good man, and see you soon.

Spiro Zavos. After 30 years of rugby columns for the SMH, Saturday's is his last. On ya, Spiro. At your best, you were the best.

RIP Paul Bert Elvstrøm. The legendary Danish yachtsman who won four Olympic gold medals and 11 world titles in eight different types of boat – the finest sailor of his generation, across the globe – passed away on Wednesday, aged 88.

Twitter: @Peter_Fitz

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