Five awkward conversations you'll have at your office Christmas party, and how to deal with them
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December is officially upon us, and for many, the change in season brings with it a change in the vibe of our workplace.
Suddenly people are dressing like it's a sweltering Sahara outside purely because it's technically summer, even though they live in Melbourne, where it's 19 degrees and overcast.
You might find some colleagues feeling increasingly stressed about end-of-year budgets and targets, whereas others, in anticipation of their upcoming holidays, have completely switched off and have already set up their 'out of office' email reply (even though they don't leave for Bali for another fortnight).
December is also the month of the Work Christmas Party.
For some, these three words bring on a feeling of dread: does anyone remember last year's shindig, when you stood on a chair and rapped the entire opening theme of Fresh Prince of Bel Air?
Social gatherings at work can be a little awkward, particularly if you have absolutely nothing in common with your colleagues aside from receiving the same payslip each fortnight.
But as Scar sings in The Lion King, it's good to Be Prepared, and if you don't take advice from villains in 1994 Disney films, then just who do you think you are, buddy?
So to help you 'be prepared', here are the five conversations all of us will likely get caught up in at our work Christmas party this year. Take my advice and navigate them as smoothly as possible.
1. "HEYYYYY! You!!! So glad you're here!!! I have always loved you, you legend, it's Phil, isn't it? Ahahaha, blaaaahdjkdloo [unintelligible sounds]..."
Yes, there is always one person who drinks too much, too early … actually, one seems to be the absolute minimum.
We must simply accept that Australia's enthusiastic drinking culture combined with people who repress feelings of stress at work will result in a handful of drunken employees. X + Y = heyyyyy! It's basic mathematics.
Offer your colleague some water and some food, and have some yourself to avoid being this person.
2. "My partner and I broke up / I didn't get that promotion / my cat was diagnosed with diabetes and I have to give her little injections every day and she just doesn't understand and I wish Pebbles spoke English, you know?"
A colleague of yours may feel the need to engage in a deep and meaningful conversation. This isn't always a bad thing — we are all human beings and, for some people, the facade of "everything is fine" is too difficult to put on all the time.
Don't be a jerk about it and give them some support. If you are the person who accidentally spilled the beans about something personal, don't be embarrassed. You made yourself vulnerable to someone you felt safe with and that is not a failure.
Be kind to yourself (today and every day).
3. "GIVE ME A HUG!"
Ah, the personal space invader — every workplace has one.
Hugs are fine, but not everyone is keen on a fifth cuddle from Robin in Finance who you've never spoken to … and are they pushing you towards the mistletoe?
Don't feel bad about asserting yourself and stand your ground. Unwanted touching is never appropriate, and you aren't being a buzzkill to remind people of that.
4. "You won't believe what I just overhead in the bathroom."
Gossiping: everybody does it. I used to think the all-girls high school I went to would be the most gossipy place I'd ever encounter, but I have since learned workplaces full of adults can be just as excited by a scandal/news of a colleague's love affair/work mistake/honestly anything.
I know it's hard but try not to engage in toxic conversations — it isn't healthy or conducive to positive work relationships.
Step away quietly, move to the dance floor, show everyone how great you are at the Running Man.
5. "I've been meaning to discuss that case with you — did you receive my email? There are a few issues I'd like to chat to you about..."
There's always (at least) one person who just cannot switch off from work mode and will insist on talking shop when all you want to do is enjoy a fine house white and mini-quiche.
It's understandable that small talk may begin with work matters, but why not steer the conversation elsewhere, given today is your one day to relax, and not worry about those concerns?
Gently remind them that whatever niggling issue they have will still be there tomorrow when you can discuss it further.
Try bringing up a topic you know they can't resist. Do they have a dog they love chatting about? Ask to see a photo.
Alternatively, scream "what's that behind you?!" and hide under a table.
Topics: work, relationships, offbeat, australia
