Metallic Storm

I think it's about time for another obscure compilation of spotty Heavy metal. Metallic Storm first dropped in 1982 courtesy of Ebony Records out of the UK. As far as I can tell, Ebony's sole output was a myriad of slapdash samplers of lesser known NWOBHM and Hard Rock, usually peppered with a few hidden gems, Metallic Storm, however, packs a lot of rough diamonds, and an early appearance by a young band from Denmark calling themselves Mercyful Fate. Following the King and his plucky pack of Danes comes the Econo-Judas Priest via Sunset Strip coke pablum from Tantrum, no thanks. Scimitar deliver an awesome charmer of a NWOBHM style tune called "That's The Way I Want It To Be." The unappealingly named Tarot Sutra contribute a clumsy 70's rocker that brings to mind images of wood -paneled dens, dirt weed and high school talent contests. Mean Machine are a hot mess of AC/DC-esque biker drool. I fucking love them. Confessor (not that one) are up next with an oddball keyboard and flange-slathered number that kind of comes off like W.A.S.P. meets The Stranglers. Jury show up in a glittery coke chariot of AOR schmaltz, but still not terrible. Wells Fargo (the band, not the bank) are pretty bad all around, but still better than Tantrum, they sound kind of drunk, I dig 'em. Mercinary are the blandest of the bunch, no real magic. Wykkyd Vikker are as corny as their name would indicate.  Pentapus kind of sound like the younger brothers of those dirtbags in Mean Machine with their very NWOBHMish bath tub amphetamine scooter bitch rock. Detroit border on some cummy booger sugar mean street meandering with a confusing number called "USA Light," but even this one is pretty enjoyable, sleazy, poorly recorded... what's not to like. Moby Dick aren't nearly as heavy or dicky as their name might indicate, but their peppy AOR inspired pop metal is pretty infectious. All in all, Metallic Storm is a ridiculously fun listen, with every band (with the exception of Tantrum) offering something of value in their material. Also it almost seems that every band (with the exception of Mercyful Fate) are drunk. Metallic Storm may be a great album to get absolutely blotto blackout with. I fucking love this record. I think you will too.

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Mystery Girl

Storyteller, a rather low rent NWOBHM concern managed to eke out one awkward one single called Mystery Girl.  The A-side is a catchy but utterly inane song about a mysterious female that you see at a party and a nightclub, she dances, you see her, she disappears. Nobody knows her, she's a fucking mystery. For a band called Storyteller, they completely fail to spin any kind of tangible yarn with this song. The B-Side is a neon-beer sign scorcher called "Easy Living." Storyteller dropped this little bit of generica in 1985, a bit late in the game for the NWOBHM scene. No real mystery why Storyteller didn't rocket to superstardom.

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Solid Rock

Bollweevil's contribution to the growing list obscure NWOBHM relics by bands that only released one single is this plucky little gem. The A side is a rookie rocker with great fuzzy tones and lyrics about rocking. The B side is a more 70s hard rock number with a mellow intro. Bollweevil have an amateurish charm in their clumsy and overly stiff playing. Rock Solid!!!

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Smokin'

Smokin' Roadie had a stupid name and were often associated with the NWOBHM scene, but musically, these guys played pretty awesome AOR/Power Pop with fantastic hooks. Their short run only yielded this great single and an incredible demo. Then the band opted for a better name (Tempest) for one more single before calling it quits. If anyone has that Tempest EP, please please please upload and send a link. Midnight just may be one of the greatest NWOBHM singles ever. Don't take my word for it.

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Savage Killer

Here's another rare as hen's teeth NWOBHM EP for you. The band Burner hailed from the bullshit town of Ashby-de-la-Zouch, Leicestershire, a town known mainly for leather (cool) and hula hoops (not cool.) Fortunately this little one off record negates the hula hoop thing a bit. The a-side is typically fun NWOBHM rocker about a killer who is savage in his killing. And thankfully Burner doesn't puss out with a ballad on the b-side. Rather the band issues forth another clunky charmer (very similar to the a-side) called "Lay Down Your Arms." Yeah nothing mind-bending here, it's not really hard to understand why Burner couldn't contend with the Maidens and Leppards of the day really, but this still is not without its merits. Cool.

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After Dark

You need some NWOBHM right about now, I can sense it. Your bird ain't right, your boss is a fucking cunt, and even the berks down at your local boozer got you a bit mithered. Fear not, you bloody minge bags, After Dark is here to make everything pukka once again, with their one and lonely little record, a real roister doister of a disc for your bloody saft earholes.

Crikey!

Sacred Alien

Here's a rare NWOBHM single that is sweet as diabetes and hotter than a poop. Sacred Alien hailed from the bullshit town of Manchester. A town known mostly for football hooligans and Joy Division. Both songs on this single are worthwhile rockers made better by the charismatic voice of a jerk named Sean Canning. This is one of those rare instances where both sides leave me wanting more. Shame these lads didn't make a full length.

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Oysters & Wine

China Doll is the next entry in our seemingly endless parade of NWOBHM bands that never seemed to rock their way out of the sweaty pubs and cobbled alleys of whatever bullshit shire they called home. These lads hailed from the dreary seaside town of Poole in Dorset County. Besides China Doll, other notable Poole partyers include Greg Lake of ELP, Edgar Wright, and even J.R.R. Tolkein saw fit to live there briefly during his retirement, he did of course eventually return to Mordor where he was cast into the fires of Mount Doom. Anyways, China Doll, like so many of these fucking bands, released one single and then sat back and waited over pints down at the local boozer for the hairy knuckles of fame and fortune to come knocking. The a-side "Oysters and Wine" is a boogie woogie bar rocker that really gives the what for to some painted lady who thinks she's some kind of high society fancy-fanny bint. The b-side "Past Tense" starts off like a typically cornball ballad but jumps into gear and yields some passable shepherd's pie and darts rocking. Pretty cool little record, wouldn't really want much more China Doll than this. Go for it.

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Bright Lights

Trespass were another NWOBHM band that managed a modicum of success in their day, with a few decent singles and EPs. The third (and best) of these records was Bright Lights, which contains three tracks. The standout title track tells the all too familiar story of a city kid running afoul of the local constables between the neon and the urban filth. "The Duel" is a gallopy number about, what else, a duel. The EP ends with "Man and Machine" is about a man's love for his motorcycle. So there you have it, in just three songs Trespass cover three quintessential NWOBHM topics: City kids, heroic deeds, and motorcycles. That sort of makes Bright Lights a kind of NWOBHM cliff notes, and so highly recommended.

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Target

More obscure NWOBHM from a group of rockers calling themselves Target UK. As usual the band only released one single that failed to rocket them to superstardom. This little record that could was released in 1985, which seems a bit late for this type of party. "Alive and Kicking" the A side, gets the pub rocking, while the B side, "F.B.I." is a bit more serious. Nothing that will change your life but still worth the time.

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Tractor

Tractor were one of the more polished power pop-leaning NWOBHM bands. No real info on these lads on the ol' interhole. The A side, "Average Man's Hero" is decent (if not a bit AOR) track, while the B side "Big Big Boys" is a weird early '70s throwback boogie rocker that almost sounds like an entirely different band. This record wasn't enough to catapult Tractor into the big leagues, but it is enough to entertain you for ten minutes. I like it.

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Dealer

These pub-weary blokes hailed from Cirencester, which also happens to be the home town of Cozy Powell. In 1983 Dealer dealt their first single "Better Things to Do b/w Suspected Foul Play," and it is an awesome bit of NWOBHM that doesn't contain that pesky AOR ballad b-side that we've come to expect. Pretty cool deal, Dealer.

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Ambitions

Dragster were a well regarded NWOBHM act cutting their crooked teeth in the grimey pubs of some fog-clad shire. These blokes managed to crank out one single before fading into legend. The a-side, "Ambitions" is a straight up NWOBHM rocker, and the b-side is the same sort of tepid ballad that usually plagues the back of these types of records.

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Lions in Winter

Here's another favorite NWOBHM EP, Bleak House's Lions in Winter. Bleak House's career can be traced back to 1972 when they operated under the name Rasputin and favored a more acid rock sound. Lions in Winter, however, is about as NWOBHM as a record can get. The opening track "Chase The Wind" sounds like slower Diamond Head. "No Reply" utilizes that slunky "city at night" groove and some lyrics about some sketchy bird that has run afoul of our protagonist, Graham Shaw. "Down to Zero" is a stomper that is sure to have all the punters down at the pub banging their heads and raising their fists. "Flight of the Salamander" is the ambitious closing epic instrumental. Lions in Winter gives a an accurate picture of what NWOBHM is all about in just under fourteen minutes. It is a great place to start if you are unfamiliar with the scene.

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Charged For Glory

Here's a brief, but utterly charming, single from Turbo, another unsung NWOBHM band that wallowed in obscurity and pubs. Turbo kind of remind me of a less doomy Witchfinder General, especially on the b-side "Race For The Dawn," which may be the coolest NWOBHM song ever.

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Call Your Name

The 1983 single from Seducer, one of the few NWOBHM bands that managed to get out some albums and singles before calling it. The a-side "Call Your Name" is a clumsy, but endearing stomper. The b-side "Survivor" is a mess, but isn't that usually the case with these records? At least it isn't the standard AOR type turd.

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Badge

Badge, another unsung NWOBHM band that only managed to eke out one single during their run. The A side, "Silver Woman" is an infectious bar rock stomper, while the B side contains the obligatory chick ballad that found it's way on so many of these rare NWOBHM singles and demos. I think many of England's young hopefuls at the time self-released singles, of varying quality, in hopes of landing a deal, and being the next Maiden or Def Leppard. Listening to this one in particular, it isn't hard to understand why Badge isn't a household name. It doesn't really stand to reason that their anthemic songs aren't blaring in every titty bar from Manchester to Manchuria, they simply weren't all that good, but this little record is worth it for "Silver Woman" alone.

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Alverna Gunn

Alverna Gunn were one of many hard rocking bunches of Anglo youngsters immersed in the NWOBHM scene. Being from the bullshit town of Lowestoft in Suffolk county, Alverna Gunn didn't enjoy the notoriety of some of their peers, despite being quite a good band. Here I present Alverna Gunn's 1982 demo. The first two tracks are strong typical NWOBHM rockers. The final track, "Once Bitten Twice Shy" is the sort of throwaway AC/DCish bit o' pub band tripe that mars so many otherwise perfect NWOBHM demos and singles. This demo is worth it for "Mad Dog" alone.

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Filth Hounds

A long time ago I found myself dating this girl outside of my tribe. She was a square. She was nice enough, and she was having sex with me so, even though I knew it was futile, I stayed in longer than I should have. She would have dinner parties, and I hated them. I hated her friends, I hated the food they ate, I hated the music they listened to, and I hated the shit they talked about. At one of these parties I had too much to drink, and found myself talking with a smug marina douchewand named Connor or Mason. I can't recall what the discussion was about, but before I knew it, I had bitch-slapped him hard. The look on his face was priceless, but when I saw the expression on my date I knew it was over whether I wanted it to be or not. With a rush of adrenaline, I grabbed a bottle of Glenfiddich, stuffed it into my bag, and headed out the door, never seeing her again. I got home and told my housemates what had happened. I pulled out the bottle and we drank it while playing dominoes and listening to Tank's Filth Hound of Hades. I had somewhat of an epiphany at that moment. I knew that I was exactly where I belonged. This album is the workaday everyman, the young joskin with a poorly rendered Grim Reaper tattoo who finds himself up against the stodgy status quo, buttondown dickbag squares and guys named Connor or Mason at a fucking dinner party. Why was I at a fucking dinner party?

Wakey Wakey!!!

Yeah Right

These tough New Wave of Brit lasses weren't content to push prams or be mere spadgers in some cold, grey slough. These birds were leather-clad femme fatales on a collision course with the Lad-dominated world of 'eavy, and Hit and Run was the pinnacle of their recorded output. Evokes images of fast cars, hot city nights, and leather-pantsed yeast infections. Critical shit.

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