Bunnings announces takeover bid for polling booths to regain control of sausage sizzle market

SATIRE

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Wesfarmers, parent company of Bunnings, today launched an audacious attempt to take control of all 8,390 polling booths in Australia, in a clear play for the lucrative charity sausage-sizzle market.

Bunnings once controlled 80 per cent of the sausage-sizzle market (SSM), but figures today showed its share had fallen below 10 per cent as consumers flocked to competitor SS operators at polling booths.

In what would be seen as a reverse takeover (Bunnings has just 324 outlets), Wesfarmers would take control of election-day operations at schools, churches and community halls around the country.

“People only come to polling booths because they know they’ll be rewarded with a sausage, which is also the only reason they come to Bunnings. So it’s a natural fit,” a spokesperson for the hardware chain said.

He believed Bunnings could add a lot to the voting process.

“No-one puts an oily sausage in white bread like we do – we think we can bring a lot of efficiencies. Get your sausage, vote for your favourite candidate, and walk out with a compound mitre saw you never wanted”.

This story first appeared at The Shovel.