I am looking for a male PA. He must be handsome, have classy and immaculate presentation and a medium-to-large penis. How do you blokes feel after reading my ad? Objectified? Vulnerable? Angry?
Well, that just about sums up my reaction to a high-end London recruitment firm called Matching Models which is advertising for "attractive" women, specifying their bra size. A job for a PA advertised on the company's website insists candidates must have a "classic look" and "brown, long hair with a B-C cup"
![In those unenlightened days, we female employees had to put up with this daily dose of condescending misogyny.](/web/20161122075708im_/http://www.theage.com.au/content/dam/images/g/s/s/q/k/j/image.related.articleLeadwide.620x349.gsqa64.png/1479449376257.jpg)
And it's not just a storm in a B cup. Giving new meaning to sex drive, another ad on the site asks for a "sexy female driver" to chauffeur a Porsche. Apparently a "flamboyant aristocratic figure" (who's clearly in the middle of his menoporsche) is looking for a "lady with no commitments", "immaculate and classy presentation" and a "flexible approach". The £140,000 ($225,000) salary also involves working on a private Learjet as his flight attendant.
At that price he's no doubt hoping she'll join the mile-high club the minute the captain turns off the "you may now unfasten your pants" sign.
Britain's 2010 Equalities Act made gender-specific recruitment ads illegal, and yet clearly sexism persists. Reading the company's website, I felt I'd fallen into a Tardis and turned back time to the 1970s, when this kind of casual sexism was mandatory.
I recently interviewed media tsar Tina Brown and we recalled the misogyny endured during our early days in the workforce. Tina remembered the time she was sent by her newspaper editor to go-go dance in a G-string. Editors referred to all the female reporters as "the wombs" and only used them for stories about missing cats. A womb with no view, let alone a corner office.
I recounted my job interview to become a television presenter in the early '80s. Four male executives sat across the desk from me. Th e most senior of them slapped a $10 note on the table, bragging, "I bet I can make your tits move without touching them." He then lunged forward, mauled my breasts and shoved the money at me, guff awing, "You won."
As the men smacked their thighs with matey mirth, I slapped $20 on the table and announced, "I bet you 20 bucks I can make your testicles move without touching them," and kicked the bloke between the legs. Yes, I got the job, but what an initiation.
In those unenlightened days, we female employees just had to strap on our bulletproof bras, grit our teeth and put up with this daily dose of condescending misogyny.
Today a woman subjected to that kind of abuse would just slap a sexual harassment suit onto the desk rather than dollars, or so I thought. But with Matching Models' adverts and Donald Trump defenders dismissing his blatant, brutal misogyny as "locker-room chat", chauvinism is clearly creeping back into the mainstream.
Some male employers just don't realise that commenting on a woman's appearance makes her feel preyed upon and vulnerable, and little more than a life-support system for her sexual organs. This kind of facial prejudice and shapism is bullying behaviour and should be officially recognised as harassment.
But maybe a faster way to get equality in the workplace could be to simply dish it back and see how much the bullying blokes like it?
So, yes, I'm looking for a drop-dead sexy male PA who can pole vault to work on his own huge appendage and then take a lot of dicktation. Any takers?