The question of whether I should share the name I was considering for my unborn child was never an issue. In fact, if someone asked me, I openly discussed our intended choices. It never even occurred to me that I should keep it a secret.
I would get together with my two best girlfriends and we'd flip through the 1001 Best Baby Names book (it was 1998, the internet wasn't quite the information super highway it is today) and throw around both cute and deplorable names, just for fun. Calling out variations of "Jackson Ryder Smith, put that cat down!", just to see how it rolled off the tongue.
There are also those names you just can't use because they remind you of someone you already know. You know what I'm talking about; the ex, the brat of a kid down the street, the girl who made your life a living hell in Year 7, etc.
Perhaps it was because I was the first one in my small circle to have a baby, but when I named my newborn daughter, it was one of the easiest decisions I've ever made. She was a Madeleine, both inside my belly and in my arms. Admittedly I struggled to name my son, and the poor thing went unnamed for two whole days before we could agree on Harrison. Sometimes you just need to SEE your baby before you can name them.
One of my good friends though, despite not being pregnant then, or for any time soon to come, always knew that she'd call her baby boy Jacob. This was a thing we discussed endlessly at the time, especially when she fell pregnant. I knew that if her child was a boy, he would be Jacob Thomas. As did our other good friend.
So when that other good friend got pregnant and went on to name her son not only Jacob, but Jacob Thomas, a couple of years later, it's fair to say it caused a fracture in their friendship I'm not entirely sure they ever recovered from.
Which is why perhaps, many women are reluctant to answer the question 'do you have any names picked out?' when questioned. Perhaps they're worried their friends will intentionally "steal" their baby name idea? Or maybe it's because a lot of "well meaning" people give their unwanted opinion about the name, deriding their decision and causing unwanted angst?
Whatever the reason, there are questions about baby naming that parents-to-be now have to deal with. So the debate is this:
1) Should you tell anyone about your intended baby names; and
2) Are they off limits once a friend has declared their interest?
Tricky, huh? I mean, sometimes babies just look – or perhaps, feel – like a Jackson. Or a Lilly or an Oliver. Whatever it is about them, something makes it clear to you, as their parent, that this child requires, nay, needs a certain name.
But what if, like in my friend's case, it was just a vocal desire to use that name? Does it make it off limits to anyone close to them?
The fallout from my friend "stealing the name" was significant. The women never had "words" but the silence between the two waged its own unspoken war. Eventually and years later, they did discuss it. It needed to be addressed before they could move on.
What do you think? Was my friend oversensitive or was my other friend completely out of line for taking the name when it had been so publicly been spoken for? Do you tell anyone your baby name intentions? Comment below!
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