Garry Linnell is a Fairfax Media columnist and the co-presenter of the 2UE Breakfast Show.
Take your hand off it for a moment. Please. Hard to do, I know. The damn thing is the bane of my existence as well. It's like being the better half of an evil siamese twin. No matter where you go it's always with you, nagging, nudging, distracting and, even worse, playing with your mind.
Must we really state the bleeding obvious and point to a fact almost everyone on this planet has surely come to realise by now?
If you crave simplicity in your life, it's not too far away from the CBD.
In the middle of next week millions of Americans will front the ballot box and make a decision that, depending on your point of view, will leave their nation on course to become a complete smoking ruin or a richer and far more relaxed place.
In March 1907, Dr Frank Seccord and third-year student Andrew Prentice from the Sydney University history department set out on a horse and cart and headed west through the Blue Mountains. It took them seven brutal weeks travelling through harsh terrain before they finally settled camp at Capertee, a small farming village north of Lithgow.
Dear HSC students, You deserve an apology. You see, every time I hear you complain about the pressure – that constant crack of the whip urging you on to a higher university admission score – I get the urge to grab you, give you a decent shake and tell you it's time to harden up.
Close your eyes and listen. Hear that tinny, repetitive noise? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe it's the soundtrack in the cafe you're sitting in. Perhaps it's blaring in the lounge room of a really boring acquaintance who won't let you leave. Could be the lobby of a hotel. The radio in your car. Or just your local supermarket.
Congratulations on pulling off the greatest public relations stunt in history.
And so it came to pass that in the Year of our Lord, 1921, the American astronomer Edwin Hubble discovered the galaxies were flying apart. Behold, he said, the universe was expanding. And so the Unbelievers declared that science was capable of explaining everything and that God - if not dead - was surely suffering a terminal illness.
Scully's crimes are beyond comprehension; he has forfeited what it is to be human.
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