You wouldn't want to be Barnaby Joyce's doctor.
One look at him dragging himself off the Parliament House touch football ground, sweat pouring off him like the ocean off a walrus, face the colour of a baboon's bum and breathing like a steam train….why, you'd call an ambulance and take to the golf course.
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Joyce: Just 'eat less'
Personal responsibility, not the Australian Tax Office, should determine how much sugar Australians consume, says Barnaby Joyce.
Often as not, Barnaby's recovery program involves half a packet of Marlboros, which he calls bungers.
We don't want to get into any kind of health shaming here. In truth, Barnaby looks like an Olympic athlete compared with some of his colleagues in the Nationals.
![Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce says a special tax on sugary drinks would be "bonkers mad".](/web/20161123100914im_/http://www.smh.com.au/content/dam/images/g/s/v/t/t/7/image.related.articleLeadwide.620x349.gsvt6o.png/1479881062227.jpg)
Still, on those days he's gone for a run or played touch footy, he looks to be a bucket of fries away from a cholesterol attack, which makes any advice he might have on public health to be a matter to be taken seriously. The man's a living miracle.
Barnaby was much agitated on Wednesday about the suggestion by the Grattan Institute that a tax on high-sugar fizzy drinks might go some way towards alleviating Australia's obesity problem.
"This is one of the suggestions where right at the start we always thought was just bonkers mad," he declared, adding his party would not be supporting a sugar tax.
This shouldn't knock you cold with surprise. Barnaby is the leader of the Nationals. Name a sugar-growing area and you'll find a Nationals or a Liberal National Party member at the local school fete knocking back a mug of raw sugar-cane juice and proclaiming it God's food.
![Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce during a touch footy match at Parliament House.](/web/20161123100914im_/http://www.smh.com.au/content/dam/images/g/s/v/q/5/i/image.related.articleLeadwide.620x349.gsvt6o.png/1479881062227.jpg)
But Barnaby wasn't simply stopping at political solidarity with his northern MPs.
He had some Barnaby-advice on how you might lose weight without taxing sugar.
"People are sitting on their backside too much, and eating too much food and not just soft drinks, eating too many chips and other food," he lectured.
"Of course it's unsurprising, and everybody is standing around right here now looking at everybody else's stomach.
Is it too early to predict Barnaby's Push Back Weight Loss Program will become a viral worldwide hit?
"Well, so the issue is take the responsibility upon yourself. The Australian Taxation Office is not going to save your health, right. Do not go to the ATO as opposed to go to your doctor or put on a pair of sandshoes and walk around the block and...go for a run. The ATO is not a better solution than jumping in the pool and going for a swim. The ATO is not a better solution than reducing your portion size.
"So get yourself a robust chair and a heavy table and halfway through the meal, put both hands on the table and just push back. That will help you lose weight."
Is it too early to predict Barnaby's Push Back Weight Loss Program will become a viral worldwide hit?