Sex on the first date: can we teach teens enough self-respect not to do it?

According to a panel on Channel Ten’s A Can of Worms, first-date sex is fine.

But good luck with trying to explain to your hormonally-charged teenage daughter, surrounded by boys too cute to ignore, that it’s actually NOT fine.Model Jennifer Hawkins showed a little more restraint in a magazine interview, saying a mere two dates were enough before having sex with a new partner. ‘’For self-respect and for the relationship to move forward,’’ she explained.

Move forward to where?  Learning he can’t hold a conversation and that his idea of fun is pulling wings off small insects? And how does keeping a lid on the libido for just two dates empower a teenage girl with self-respect as she’s flitting and giggling with undeveloped instincts from one boy crush to another?

I understand sex among teenagers today has become more of an inevitability than a liability, but I do wonder about the random sex some young girls are having with multiple partners before they’ve even left school.

While this first-date-let’s-bonk formula may prove satisfactory for older women who are a little more savvy and confident about the opposite sex, I doubt it works well for vulnerable teenage girls. Sure it’s more acceptable these days for even ‘’nice’’ girls to ‘’put out’’ and pregnancy can be prevented, but as a result the pressure for girls as young as 12 to be sexually active has increased dramatically.  Then there’s the issue of girls feeling compelled to compete with the boys at every level. Along with drinking, swearing and fighting, they believe having casual sex with as many partners as they like is simply their right of passage. What’s always been acceptable for the gander is now the norm for the goose.

Yet, interestingly, if you gather a group of girls in a room together and ask them how many sexual partners they’ve had, they’re more than likely to halve their answer. Why? Because no matter how much they believe they can match the boys, when it comes to the mating game, they know full well the rules are still set in prehistoric stone. Yes, our girls can become bankers, engineers and astronauts and have babies along the way, but they’ve gained no street cred when it comes to sexual promiscuity. Sleeping around is still only seen as impressive by the studs in the boys’ club, it doesn’t equate to the girls.

But how do we explain these double standards to our young daughters when other high-profile young women, often seen as role models, tell them sex is so unimportant it’s okay to do the doona dance after a couple of movies or shakes at McDonald’s? Forget the kiss at the door to say goodnight, go the whole way straight away. It’s empowering!

What these girls are failing to understand or learn is that their real power lies in saying no to every Tom, Dick or Harry who takes them on a first date. In an age when sex has become almost an expectation, it’s vital we teach our girls how to harness and develop this power instead of behaving like a goose and giving it and their self-respect away.

More reading about teens and sex:

What would you teach your teenager about sex on the first date? More importantly - do you think they would listen?