This was published 5 years ago
The art of cosmetic up-selling: would you like your lip lasered with that?
By Celeste Barber
Would you like a lip wax with that? I understand that times are tough and the guys and galz of the retail world are forced to hit targets, and that up-selling is all a part of this, but suggesting I get a side of upper lip laser with my bikini laser is taking up-selling a little too far.
I used to be one of those retail ladies and remember those days quite fondly. Most retail places I worked at had monthly, weekly and daily targets, some even had hourly targets, but I was too busy reliving that Pretty Woman on Rodeo Drive scene to worry about those.
Actually, I took on these targets like it was my job because, well, it was. We were advised and heavily encouraged to up-sell. A reasonable retail play.
If someone is buying a top, suggest they match it with a scarf – UP-SALE! If a customer is looking to buy a smart handbag, suggest a matching wallet or a fun key ring. UP-SALE! If someone is looking at a pair of red heels, you might suggest they match it back with a royal blue baseball cap, just to mix things up. UP-SALE!
What's wrong with my upper lip anyway? Credit:Instagram
I try to get my bad self lasered within an inch of my life every six weeks. It's quick, easy and what I believe to be the least gross option for that type of thing.
The first time I went I was a little nervous.
The lasering feels like being flicked with a hot rubber band. Delightful. Splayed out in weird positions; you know you're friends when a lady in a lab coat and gloves asks you to roll on your side and lift a cheek.
So it took me by surprise when making my first appointment that she booked me in for only five minutes. I thought I'd be in there for at least half an hour talking and giggling over a lovely glass of wine and soft cheeses, then we would get into it. But they're quick, really quick.
It makes the whole hot rubber band thing rather exciting. The actual procedure isn't so bad; it's what came next that was rather puzzling. As the laser wizards are so fast they quite often have time to spare.
This is when I thought the wine might be brought out, we would clink glasses and I'd make her pinky-swear not to ever tell anyone what she just witnessed.
But instead of ushering me out and giving herself an early mark, she up-saled me. She offered to laser my lip, toes and TOP OF MY FEET!
Now, I have dark hair and fair skin, so I understand that I need to keep areas in check but TOP OF MY TOES and FEET!?! Lip? Sure, it's one of those things that women get to look forward to as we grow older – well, that and lady nappies. But TOP OF MY FEET? Who am I, Frodo?
The most disturbing part is my laser wizard was nowhere near my feet. She was focusing upstairs on the mezzanine level. Top of my feet is way down in the basement. Did it catch her eye when she walked in? Will she laugh about me with her other laser wizards at Thursday night drinks? It freaked me out.
Up-selling in the retail world makes sense, much like attitude and Qantas flight attendants or chocolate and my face. But up-selling at a beautician is a bit more of a square-peg-round-hole situation. I don't embarrass easily, but every time I have laser now (I've changed clinics, obviously), I do as I'm told. I de-robe, but leave my shoes and socks on.