Wedding budget breakdowns: The cost of love soars in Victoria

In that instant the bride isn’t thinking about whether she should have spent less on flowers and more on the bomboniere. And she’s certainly not thinking about the wedding debt that she and her new husband may well be paying off for years to come. In that moment, it’s all about who, and what, awaits her at the end of the aisle.

But the cold, hard, post-wedding fact is that many Australian couples do go into debt to marry. Even if the bride and groom’s families have contributed financially, the modern couple tends to bear the bulk of the cost.

CALL ME GROOMZILLA: LEHMO TAKES THE LEAD IN WEDDING PLANNING

DIY WEDDINGS: THE RISE OF THE CRAFTY BRIDE

The latest official figures from the Australian Securities and Investments Commission estimate the average cost of a wedding in Australia is $36,200, but anecdotal evidence suggests it’s likely to be ­much higher.

One Fine Day wedding fair co-director Jessica McLeod says it is more likely to be $45,000 to $50,000.

“The cost is justified because it’s seen as much more than a day and there’s a sense of sending a couple off into the future with a big celebration as they move forward as a couple,” McLeod says.

“It’s a great opportunity to hold an event, to style an event and to show your personality. It’s really an excuse to celebrate life and is a very happy occasion.”

Peter Rowland wedding consultant Fiona Scanlon says recent trends have seen couples spend more per head on food but spending less overall by keeping numbers down.

“Everyone is a foodie now and that trend has been coming through over the past two years,” Scanlon says.

“People are so much more food and wine conscious that they want the wow factor. There will always be the $100 a head wedding receptions with chair covers and sashes and chicken or beef, but there’s definitely a movement towards on-trend menus that might cost a bit more but couples prefer that with a more intimate guest list.”

Melbourne University social scientist Dr Lauren Rosewarne says part of the motivation in spending up on weddings is narcissism, which is fuelled by social media.

“I’m really supportive of people making whatever choices they want to make but when they say their wedding is ‘their day’ it’s really very public and that is where the element of performance comes in,” Rosewarne says.

“Certain things are staged in the hope it will go viral because that is seen as a sign of success. The very idea that something private would go viral would have seemed obscene 10 years ago.

“If it’s really about ‘my love’ or ‘my joy’, why does it need to be done in such an ostentatious way? The fact is, a wedding is a public display. It’s a party for others, which doesn’t mean it’s bad.”

A US study released last month found the bigger the wedding, the bigger the chance of a happy marriage. The report suggests a public ceremony in front of at least 150 guests puts more weight and significance on the occasion and the commitment. That would also suggest that the more money is spent on the wedding, the more successful the marriage should be. But some are disputing the report.

“There is also a trend in the US for people marrying and divorcing before they turn 30,” Rosewarne says.

In Australia, Choice magazine recently released its own report finding that couples pay pricey premiums to wed, known as wedding tax. A bride and a party planner each contacted 36 businesses in Sydney and Melbourne and the bride was quoted higher — often much higher — prices in half the cases.

As the trend turns away from cookie-cutter weddings and celebrity weddings are less inspiring, couples are intent on creating their own style.

McLeod says we should watch out for looming Groomzillas on the horizons as hipster young men take more of an active role in their wedding — having way more say in what they wear, what they eat, what music they will listen to and what they will spend.

“It’s a good starting point because that is the way a marriage should be,” McLeod says.

But more personality often equates to more money, too, with event planners and wedding venues taking advantage of the trend by including only the bare minimum in the venue cost.

Only 30 chairs are supplied at a ceremony and each extra chair costs $20, or turning on external lights for an evening ceremony costs more or exorbitant corkage fees are charged on BYO.

“There is a constant emphasis on originality and a wedding being an extension of your own personality or an attempt to be unique but all of these things cost money,” Dr Rosewarne said.

HOW MUCH DOES AN AVERAGE WEDDING COST?

Food, alcohol and venue $18,683

Wedding, clothing and accessories $4271

Photography $3983

Entertainment $2896

Flowers and decorations $2896

Ceremony $941

Other (cars, hair, make-up, accommodation, stationery) $2534

HOW DID THEY PAY?

Used their credit card 18%

Contributions from parents 56%

Got a loan 60%

Used their savings 82%

SACRIFICES MADE

Moved back in with parents 5%

Didn’t marry due to high cost 6%

Sold car 10%

Put social life on hold 20%

Delayed plans 25% (12% buying a home, 7% having a baby, 6% having the wedding)

Had a cheaper wedding 32%

Supplied: Australian Securities and Investments Commission, April 2012

THE COST OF LOVE CASE STUDIES

JESS AND MATT BROWN

Total wedding cost: $21,109

JESS and Matt Brown didn’t initially know what style of wedding they wanted, but the Mornington Peninsula couple always knew they wanted to spend about $20,000 on their big day.

Having been together for eight years and with a mortgage to pay, they wanted their wedding to reflect their personalities without causing undue financial stress.

“We wouldn’t have wanted to spend any more than we did because there’s more to life than that one day, as much as we loved our wedding and making a public commitment of our love,” Jess says. “We worked hard for the money and that made us appreciate everything we put into it.”

Their wedding in April was held at Coolart Wetlands and Homestead in Somers and the reception was nearby at The Heritage in Balnarring.

Jess, 28, grew up in Gippsland and Matt, 27, grew up in Somers and they lived together for five years before buying a house in Mt Martha 18 months ago.

In choosing a country wedding, they eschewed formalities for a relaxed, fun style that blended

DIY with paid services. The quality of the food, while excellent, was less important to them than the portion sizes, knowing that their guests would appreciate decent servings.

The flowers were not as great a priority as the music, and they booked the Baker Boys to entertain their guests. Jess and her sisters-in-law did the table centrepieces themselves and to save money on bomboniere, she made and wrapped her own cookies to give to guests as a parting gift.

She also wrote her own invitations, which saved a considerable amount.

Jess’s Maggie Sottero wedding gown was sold

to her for half price from a friend of a friend who had worn it recently to her own wedding.

“We were conscious of the cost when making style decisions and there were certain things we couldn’t avoid such as photography and the band, but we were really glad we spent on both of those,” Jess says.

“We both enjoyed making a lot of the decisions ourselves. Matt was very involved so it wasn’t just me making all of the decisions.”

Both sets of parents contributed about the same amount of money to the wedding, with the bulk

of the costs carried by the couple.

Jess, a nurse, and Matt, a firefighter, say it was hard work at times preparing for their wedding

but they would not change anything.

“We don’t have any regrets,” Jess says.

“The closer we got to the wedding date the

more I realised it was our day and we couldn’t keep everyone happy.

“I wanted it to reflect us.”

COST BREAKDOWN

Coolart ground hire $339

Reception:

Food $7355

Bar tab $3175

Band $2570

Flowers $1000

Cake $600

Cake delivery and set-up $190

Invitations $100

Postage $30

Photography $2000

Decorations and bomboniere $150

Celebrant $300

Bridesmaid jewellery and shoes $150

Hair and tanning for bride and three bridesmaids $430

Make-up and nails $310

Bridal shoes $80

Bridal jewellery and hairpiece $50

Dress alterations $80

Bridal gown $1250

Groom and groomsmen’s suits and shoes $850

(groomsmen paid $750)

Ties $100

TOTAL: $21,109

RUSSELL AND AMY LIPTON

Total wedding cost: more than $89,100

THE moment Russell Lipton saw his future wife about to walk down the aisle to the sound of a 15-piece orchestra will stay with him forever.

“I’ll never forget it,” Russell says.

Along with 150 guests, Russell, 43, watched Amy, 27, approach him in a J’Aton silk, pearl and tulle gown under the clear span marquee in a paddock filled with gum trees on her family property at Elphinstone in central Victoria.

The spectacular wedding was a big investment but the couple says they wouldn’t change a thing about their black tie wedding that combined traditions with modern touches and combined their Jewish and Anglican religions.

They are grateful there was little need for compromise on their dream wedding where style and quality was more of a priority than cost.

“In saying this, cost is always a consideration no matter what your budget and you must always do your research,” Amy says.

“Keep in mind that because our wedding was on a private property. We literally had to build the event from the ‘ground up’. This, in itself, required a large investment.”

The emotion of the occasion still resonates with the couple. Their 13-month-old daughter, Grace Elizabeth, was a flower girl in the ceremony, carried down the aisle by Amy’s mother wearing a Dior gown and a headband of rosebuds.

Grace’s flowers were just some of the magnificent blooms featured in the lavish wedding. Flowers were the greatest, though undisclosed, cost because they have a particular significance to the couple and featured throughout. Giant silver urns of David Austin roses and silver suede stood at the entrance to the marquee to create a sense of grandeur. Gypsophila was threaded throughout the event, from pre-drinks and ceremony, along the aisle, to post drinks, bar tables, with the orchestra and at the property’s gate.

“Buttery David Austins and birches hung from the ceiling above the centre table and bunches of David Austins, silver suede and hydrangeas lined each of the three tables along with hundreds of tea lights and mirrored table runners,” Amy says.

“Foliage covered the back wall of the marquee and huge bunches of flowers decorated the bar area.”

Food was supplied by Blake’s Feast and chef Andrew Blake served market fresh food with no alternating plates.

Guests enjoyed a post-ceremony specialty cocktail named Shadwell and after-dinner espresso martinis, and the alcohol served at dinner was personally selected and imported.

While the day was perfect for the Liptons, they were always conscious of giving back to their guests.

“Our wedding day was the most memorable day of our lives,” Amy says. “On your wedding day, you are marrying your best friend and nothing else comes close to this, no matter your budget or the way in which you get married.

“We believe the commitment on the day and sharing this with your friends is the most important aspect of it all.

“We wanted this to be an experience for all of our closest friends and family. We wanted to share with them, incredible food, wine, champagne, cheeses, music.

“We wanted the day to be one that not only we remembered, but also something they would cherish.”

SOME OF THE COSTS

Cake $1000

Bridal shoes $800

Photography $4800

Orchestra $6000

Marquee $18,000

Food $120 a head

Alcohol $50 a head

Dress More than $15,000

Flowers more than $18,000

TOTAL: More than $89,100