Prescription medications undergo rigorous rounds of testing and approval before hitting the consumer market. The Onion breaks down the steps involved in this process:
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STEP 1
Cage full of mice killed
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STEP 2
Human test subjects selected from representative group of subway passengers looking to make $250
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STEP 3
Clipboard time, baby!
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STEP 4
Lucky bastard manages to reap psychological benefit from sugar pill
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STEP 5
Research destroyed when trysting young lab assistants knock over entire tray of blood samples
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STEP 6
7-milligram group starts to act pretty weird
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STEP 7
Third phase of trial expands testing outward from group of 100 healthy adults to water supply of Topeka, KS
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STEP 8
Voice actor splinters under pressure of cramming 17 side effects into final six seconds of radio ad
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STEP 9
Trials taken back to the drawing board after medication’s profitability remains inconclusive
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