Damaged Women Stage Drunken 2 a.m. March On Washington
The Damaged Women's Coalition angrily marched on the capitol this afternoon before returning later drunk and crying.
Prescription medications undergo rigorous rounds of testing and approval before hitting the consumer market. The Onion breaks down the steps involved in this process:
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STEP 1
Cage full of mice killed
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STEP 2
Human test subjects selected from representative group of subway passengers looking to make $250
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STEP 3
Clipboard time, baby!
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STEP 4
Lucky bastard manages to reap psychological benefit from sugar pill
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STEP 5
Research destroyed when trysting young lab assistants knock over entire tray of blood samples
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STEP 6
7-milligram group starts to act pretty weird
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STEP 7
Third phase of trial expands testing outward from group of 100 healthy adults to water supply of Topeka, KS
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STEP 8
Voice actor splinters under pressure of cramming 17 side effects into final six seconds of radio ad
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STEP 9
Trials taken back to the drawing board after medication’s profitability remains inconclusive
