Melon Scrapings

OK,  I’m usually pretty mellow about this since I live in a town – and a condo complex – that has a lot of “winter visitors” i.e. SNOWBIRDS, but these ones just totally take the prize. 

First, the woman who owns the place behind me is totally fudging the rules with renting.  Minimum stay is supposed to be 30 days.  HA!  She’s had a slew of morons in here these past few months and it looks like she’s been fined out the butt for this.

Now my question is, where does she FIND these people?  I mean, hell, it takes all kinds… but we live here year-round and a few of the visitors make me want to put on my super-heroine suit and shove a lightening bolt where the sun don’t shine… I’m just sayin’.

First, there was the woman with the small dog that crapped like it was a Wolfhound.  She steadfastly refused to pick up the dog crap.  I reminded her when I was taking my dogs out, and she stated, “Oh, I don’t have to do that.”  Yeah, right.  So, we just started leaving it on her porch.  She came out one day and asked what I was doing, and I told her.  She was beside herself, and I let her know that she was lucky that I didn’t 1) Put it in a bag, light it on fire, and leave it on her doorstep or 2) report her ass to the homeowner’s Nazi party.  Fortunately, she left after that for princess-land and I didn’t have to deal any longer.

So, there was a lot of traffic in that “30-day” rental over the next few weeks.  The latest takes the proverbial German Chocolate Cake.

So… this guy who looks like G. Gordon Liddy’s mini-me and his wife (who actually seems pretty nice – she likes the puppies) showed up a little less than a week ago.  He’s managed to majorly piss me within a few hours after his arrival.  First, he keeps walking around, looking at my Honda Element like it’s his… touching it, trying the door handles… you know; WEIRD.  I asked him what in the HELL he was doing and he ran away.  I don’t have Fort Knox in there, but if he was coveting the copy of my “BeeGees Greatest Hits” I would have gladly ripped a CD for him to keep him away from my freakin’ car.  Idiot.

Then my sweetheart has the dogs out for a poop.  Steve is a man of few words, but he was civil to the guy (before he heard of his weird Element-coveting behavior) and tried to say hi.  The schmuck was apparently snarky and just smirked at him and gave dirty looks to our two doggies.  Bastard.

Next, on Monday night, he’s down in the pool.  Not a big deal, but he’s there with two young boys and a woman who doesn’t appear to be his wife and they are whooping it up.  Now, I’m all for whooping.  But he was 1) there after curfew (it’s midnight and the pool closes at 10:30 PM) 2) being a loud, drunk fucker, and 3) had glass bottles all over the pool area (big no-no, broken glass + pool area = stitches, ouchies, lawsuits).  I went down and politely asked him to keep it down and he got all belligerent on me.  I maintained my calm and told him that it was fine if he wanted to act like a total asshole but that he could take it up with the PD because if he didn’t STFU in the next 30 seconds, that’s who he would be talking to.  His only defense was “well, I’m on vacation.”  Well, that’s nice that you can afford one.  But if I acted like an ass on vacay and someone pointed that out to me – especially a FT resident – I’d be embarrassed, shutting my pie-hole, and apologizing.  What a jerk.

Last, and my latest favorite, he’s taken to using our recycling and trash bins rather than his own.  Our recycling bin is always full, and if it’s bursting, the City won’t pick it up.  We are good lil’ recyclers…  His recycling/trash should be included in his rent, but he’s obviously too lazy or too cheap. Wow, rolling a bin to the end of the driveway is such a total drag. He may even break his ego. OH NOES! So anyway, he’s assuming that WE are to pay for his own recycling and trash.  Sorry dude.  (Oh, and did I mention he’s driving a high-end car?  Beauty – think I’ll go key it before he leaves… BAD SHEILA! BAD!!!) Anyway, I caught him in the act tonight, muwahaha, stuffing up our recycling bin with his stuff, so I took all of the items out and handed them back to him while he was in the process of filling up our (and my neighbor’s) bins with his crap.  He started protesting but I let him know that if he kept it up, we’d just leave it on the front porch of where he’s staying.  Luckily, he doesn’t have a dog with him, otherwise he’d also be a recipient of the famous “flaming bag of poo.” Whee!

I guess all I can say at this point is what is WRONG with some people?  I wish karma was instantaneous.  I think Mr. Lennon had it right.