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Area Mom Off Thinking About Princess Diana Again

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Mom Produces Decorative Gift Bag Out Of Thin Air

LEXINGTON, MA—Conjuring the item into existence along with several sheets of perfectly coordinated tissue paper, local mother Caroline Wolfson, 49, reportedly produced a decorative gift bag out of thin air Tuesday within a mere fraction of a second of her daughter mentioning she needed to wrap a present.

Cake Just Sitting There

Take It

CHICAGO—Assuring you that there was nothing to worry about and not a soul around who would see you, sources confirmed Tuesday that a large piece of chocolate cake was just sitting there and that you should go ahead and take it.

Roommate Skulking Around Edge Of Party Like Victorian Ghost Child

SEATTLE—Appearing initially in the far corner of the living room and then several minutes later on the threshold between the kitchen and the hallway, local roommate Kelsey Stahl was, by multiple accounts, seen skulking around the edge of a house party Friday like a Victorian ghost child.

Man Praying Interviewer Doesn’t Ask Any Questions

MINNEAPOLIS—His mouth going dry and his palms growing sweaty as he arrived at the offices of Regent Advertising Partners to interview for an open account manager position, local man Devin McKee reportedly prayed Thursday that the hiring manager wouldn’t ask him any questions during their meeting.

Man Had No Idea Cough Was Going To Be Wet One

MUSKEGON, MI—Caught completely off guard by the viscous lump of sputum that was dislodged and sent rocketing upward from his lower respiratory tract, area man Luke Reese confirmed Wednesday he had no idea his impending cough was going to be a wet one.

Area Man A Staunch Single-Gender Voter

JOHNSTOWN, PA—Saying it was the only factor he considered when deciding who to cast his ballot for, local man William Swanson, 44, told reporters Thursday he is strictly a single-gender voter.

Weird Relative At Family Reunion Knows How Everyone Related To Each Other

WELDON SPRING, MO—Saying she possessed a seemingly limitless wealth of information on various cousins, step-siblings, and in-laws, sources at the 2016 Webb family reunion this past weekend confirmed that weird relative Susan Amos, 73, exhibited a strikingly intricate knowledge of how everyone was related to each other.
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Area Mom Off Thinking About Princess Diana Again
Area Mom Off Thinking About Princess Diana Again
Vessel For Male Sexual Gratification Very Sad Today
Vessel For Male Sexual Gratification Very Sad Today
Nurse Reminds Elderly Man She’s Just Down The Hall If He Starts To Die
Nurse Reminds Elderly Man She’s Just Down The Hall If He Starts To Die
Man Grateful To Live In Society Where Mattress Disappears If Left On Sidewalk For A Couple Days
Man Grateful To Live In Society Where Mattress Disappears If Left On Sidewalk For A Couple Days
News Website Likes To Set Aside A Little Ad Space To Promote Own Articles
News Website Likes To Set Aside A Little Ad Space To Promote Own Articles
Phone Lifted Up By Headphone Cord Like Prize Fish
Phone Lifted Up By Headphone Cord Like Prize Fish
Mom Produces Decorative Gift Bag Out Of Thin Air
Mom Produces Decorative Gift Bag Out Of Thin Air
Wealthy Father Nervously Waits For Response After Sending Donations To Son’s Top College Choices
Wealthy Father Nervously Waits For Response After Sending Donations To Son’s Top College Choices
Report: Friend Has Been Going By Middle Name This Whole Fucking Time
Report: Friend Has Been Going By Middle Name This Whole Fucking Time
Cake Just Sitting There
Cake Just Sitting There
Man Approaches Box Of Powdered Doughnuts Like Snake Discovering Unguarded Clutch Of Bird Eggs
Man Approaches Box Of Powdered Doughnuts Like Snake Discovering Unguarded Clutch Of Bird Eggs
Reality Of Fatherhood Never Truly Dawned On Man Until He Held Newborn Son’s Hospital Bill
Reality Of Fatherhood Never Truly Dawned On Man Until He Held Newborn Son’s Hospital Bill
All-Business Adult In Halloween Shop Beelines It Straight For Pinhead Mask
All-Business Adult In Halloween Shop Beelines It Straight For Pinhead Mask
Family Hoping Mother Knows Birthday Nature Walk A One-Time Thing
Family Hoping Mother Knows Birthday Nature Walk A One-Time Thing
Roommate Skulking Around Edge Of Party Like Victorian Ghost Child
Roommate Skulking Around Edge Of Party Like Victorian Ghost Child
Third-Grader Clearly Biting Off More Than He Can Chew At Elementary School Book Fair
Third-Grader Clearly Biting Off More Than He Can Chew At Elementary School Book Fair
Man Praying Interviewer Doesn’t Ask Any Questions
Man Praying Interviewer Doesn’t Ask Any Questions
Man Had No Idea Cough Was Going To Be Wet One
Man Had No Idea Cough Was Going To Be Wet One
Report: Annie Sabatino’s Boyfriend Like 23 Or Something
Report: Annie Sabatino’s Boyfriend Like 23 Or Something
Idiotic Tree Keeps Trying To Plant Seeds On Sidewalk
Idiotic Tree Keeps Trying To Plant Seeds On Sidewalk
Area Man A Staunch Single-Gender Voter
Area Man A Staunch Single-Gender Voter
Ex-Boyfriend Just Thought He’d Check In And Throw Entire Day Off
Ex-Boyfriend Just Thought He’d Check In And Throw Entire Day Off
Badass Surgeon Puts On Fingerless Latex Gloves Before Operating
Badass Surgeon Puts On Fingerless Latex Gloves Before Operating
Woman Who Started Sentence With ‘Oh My God’ Really Needs To Stick Landing
Woman Who Started Sentence With ‘Oh My God’ Really Needs To Stick Landing
Weird Relative At Family Reunion Knows How Everyone Related To Each Other
Weird Relative At Family Reunion Knows How Everyone Related To Each Other

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