Interview that will chill every parent: Social workers accuse Christian family of 'emotional abuse and homophobia' because they refuse to let their teenage daughter undergo a sex change at 14
- Peter and Kate Wilson's daughter was a 14-year-old wanting to be a doctor
- That was a little less than a year ago, but today, she threatens suicide
- Social workers believe behaviour shift is due to her wanting a sex change
- Parents have given a harrowing interview lifting the lid on their experience
Little less than a year ago, Peter and Kate Wilson’s 14-year-old daughter was a sweet-faced, happy-go-lucky child, whose only ambition in life was to be a doctor.
She enjoyed games of tennis with her dad, surfing in the sea near her childhood home and sharing in the charity work this decent, Christian family believe to be part of their duty.
In short, the girl we shall call Melissa (all names have been changed) was a rounded, well-mannered girl who’d never given her parents a day’s trouble in her life.
Britons Peter and Kate Wilson (aliases) have lifted the lid on their experience of social workers saying their daughter's mood shift is due to her wanting to be a boy in a powerful interview
Fast forward 11 months: Melissa is surly, rude, self-harms, threatens suicide and is being monitored by social workers, who insist that her sudden change in behaviour can be attributed to one extraordinary fact.
Melissa, they insist, wants to be a boy.
Not only that, but they are accusing Peter and Kate of ‘emotional abuse’ and ‘homophobic’ behaviour and putting them under extraordinary pressure to call their daughter ‘Mark’ as a first step towards changing her gender.
The Wilsons, who believe their daughter is far too young to make such a momentous decision, fear that if they don’t toe the social services line she will be taken into care.
‘Can you understand how we feel as parents?’ asks Peter.
‘We’ve known our daughter her entire life, but after meeting her for just a few months the social services say they know her better and she wants to be a boy.
‘They’ve told us if we don’t allow her to be called “Mark” and give permission for her to be assessed at one of these centres that’s pushing the transgender agenda, we’re emotionally abusing her.
'I said: “It’s not going to happen, not now. When she’s older she can make her own decision, but not at 14.”.
‘She’s not even old enough legally to have a sexual relationship.
'How can she be old enough to decide to start hormone treatment that will change her life?
'I fear that’s what the social services are pushing for and I am more than mortified. I’m . . .’
He shakes his head in despair.
Peter, in truth, is at his wits’ end.
He concedes that, as a Christian, he is uncomfortable with the growing trend of youngsters who want to change their gender (the number of children undergoing sex-change therapy has more than quadrupled in recent years), but maintains he would stand by his daughter should she make such a decision as an informed adult.
Indeed, neither he nor his wife thrust their beliefs down their children’s throats.
Take, for example, Melissa’s older sister, who is studying at university.
She has rejected her parents’ faith, but they remain extremely close.
Peter says: ‘We believe everyone has the right to come to their own decision.
Just as we as parents have the right to bring our children up as we see fit.
But the social services don’t see it that way.
Everything we say and do — from the time we want Melissa home in the evenings to the parental controls we put on the computer — is seen as absolute rubbish.
‘We expected her home from school in time for her supper at six o’clock.
They said: “Oh no, you must let her come back at 8pm.”
I said: “What? She’s 14 years old. You’re telling me she should be hanging around the streets until eight o’clock at night? Would you find it acceptable for your children to stay out that late?".
‘These people are terrible.
'They’re filling Melissa’s head with all this rubbish and undermining us as parents to push their liberal agenda.’
Peter’s sentiments are, of course, those of a deeply distressed father. As well he might be.
For in documents seen by the Mail, social workers maintain their intervention is informed by a fear that Melissa is ‘at risk of significant harm both emotionally and through self-harm due to being a young person of transgender with unsupportive parents’.
There are, though, other statements in the social workers’ notes that appear to support the Wilsons’ allegations of a liberal bias, particularly the contempt in which they seem to hold the couple’s Christian values.
Take, for example, this statement: ‘Mr and Mrs Wilson articulate their strong beliefs and this at times is difficult for Melissa to accept, this being considered a homophobic and bigoted viewpoint within liberal circles.’
Or even this part of the referral which ‘raised concerns with regards to parents’ strong Christian values and the impact of emotional harm’.
Kate is deeply distressed, more so when she shows me paperwork from the social workers referring to her daughter not as ‘she’, but as ‘he’.
‘As far as they’re concerned, Melissa is a boy.
But how can someone change so drastically in such a short time?’
She scrolls through her smartphone to a photograph taken of her daughter only a year ago.
It shows a clearly happy child with styled, shoulder-length hair and an easy, open demeanour.
You’d be forgiven for thinking this was an entirely different child to the sullen 14-year-old with cropped hair and haunted eyes whom they see today.
‘Sometimes I wake up not being able to believe any of this is actually happening,’ says Peter.
‘Melissa was such a loving, caring child. She was full of energy and we were close, so close. She was a real daddy’s girl. Now she just ignores me. It’s as if the world’s gone mad. How can this be happening?’
The agonising question ‘How?’ crops up time and again during this utterly draining interview.
For, until May this year, the Wilsons didn’t have a clue that their beloved daughter had, to borrow the social worker’s words, ‘feelings for quite a long time that she wants to be a boy’.
Like many girls throughout the country, Melissa played with Barbie dolls, experimented with make-up and, although being ‘a tomboy’, relished her weekly netball club.
Things began to change last year, however, soon after Melissa, who had been home-schooled until that point with her siblings, began attending a local school in November.
Following a meeting, Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services sent the Wilsons a leaflet about the Tavistock Centre (pictured) in London, which assesses children for sex change therapy
The switch to formal education was necessitated by her parents’ realisation that she would need to study a broader range of subjects if she was to fulfil her hopes of becoming a doctor.
Melissa went off on the bus on her first day with her parents’ full blessing and, as related at the first parents’ evening in January, seemed to be flourishing.
‘All the teachers were incredibly impressed, particularly as some of the subjects like geography she’d never studied before,’ says Kate.
‘They said that she was a pleasure to teach, and that her attitude and standard of work was really good.’ But, privately, her mother had misgivings.
‘Melissa struggled going into school at first because of the noise,’ she explains.
‘It also took her a while to get used to the new structure.
'At home we’d do school work in two hours and then the children would do their sports or just go out to the park to play.’
Her daughter became increasingly withdrawn and began to develop an eating disorder.
Three months after that parents’ evening, Peter discovered cuts on her arms.
‘I called Kate straight away. They weren’t serious cuts, but I could see there was blood.
'To Kate, it was the end of the world.
'She was distraught. I said: “We’re going to have to do something about this straight away.”.'
They called the school, who referred Melissa to a counsellor in April, and they also contacted CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services) at the recommendation of their local GP.
At the end of May, the Wilsons were called to a meeting at the school with the deputy head.
‘He told us Melissa had been seen walking hand in hand with another girl in the street.
Then he said she’d been presenting herself as a boy and wanted to be known as Mark.
We were shocked, really shocked.
This was the first we’d heard of her wanting to be a boy.’
However, paperwork reveals that the school had been aware of it for several weeks. In notes taken at that meeting, the deputy head states the subject was first raised in a telephone conversation with the mother of Melissa’s friend, who was also self-harming.
A flurry of discussions with social services followed.
Unbeknown to the Wilsons, the counsellor employed by the school had been referring to Melissa as ‘him’, using male pronouns and also using the name ‘Mark’, apparently at Melissa’s request since the beginning of the month.
Peter concedes that, as a Christian, he is uncomfortable with the growing trend of youngsters who want to change their gender
‘I can’t believe it was kept from us,’ says Kate. ‘Don’t you think as parents we should have been informed? We’ve gone over and over together if there was an sign, anything we should have picked up on. But there was nothing.
‘For some reason she got it into her head she wanted to be a boy once she was referred to a counsellor and her CAMHS worker at the end of April.
‘If we’d known earlier, we could have sat down and talked it through with her. We had an open relationship with her and she’d usually tell us if she was struggling with something.’
That evening, the Wilsons drove their daughter to a nearby park to discuss their meeting with the deputy head.
‘We were very loving,’ says Peter. ‘We said the school had called us in and told her what we’d been told. I said: “You know you’ll always be our girl.” That’s all she heard. She jumped out of the car and bolted.’
They eventually found Melissa with her older sister. Under- standably concerned about their daughter, the Wilsons arranged to drop her off and collect her from school in future.
A furious Melissa ran away from them a second time, which was when the school referred her case to social services at the end of May.
‘We believed she was a teenager trying to push the boundaries,’ says Peter. ‘Our daughter was self-harming and involved in a close friendship with another child who was self-harming. What parent wouldn’t want to drop and collect their daughter from school in such circumstances?
‘But the social services accused us of being too strict. They began to almost pander to her.
‘Kate and I have always presented a united front to our children. Suddenly, when we said she couldn’t do something, she had someone else to go to.’
Melissa became increasingly argumentative and wilful. When her parents stood up to her, Melissa responded by self-harming.
While they argued that her actions were those of an emotionally disturbed teenager, her case workers maintained it was because she was distressed over her parents’ refusal to accept she wanted to be a boy.
‘They’ve said we refuse to discuss it with her,’ says Peter. ‘But we’ve tried. Every time we raise it, she says she doesn’t want to talk about it and that we wouldn’t understand.’
‘Her sister even said to her: “Do you want me to call you Mark?” She said: “No.” It seems she only wants to be Mark at school. At home, she’s Melissa.
‘The social services began investigating all our children. You feel as if you’re treading on eggshells — one wrong move and they’ll take them into care.
‘Everything is interpreted to push this transgender agenda. Like, for instance, the fact when she used to do her water sports she preferred wearing boxers and a sun vest to a bikini. Kate bought her a pink pair and a vest with flower on, which she loved.
‘We thought it was irrelevant, but to social services it’s not irrelevant. They say because she wore male clothing and liked to climb trees, it points to her always wanting to be a boy.
‘I truly believe Melissa is only doing this to manipulate us as parents. If one of us contradicts whatever idea she has, she wants to speak to her CAMHS worker. She’s told us: “He always gives me what I want.”’
The Wilsons continued to try to enforce their rules as caring parents, particularly about what time they expected her home. In the middle of June, Melissa was admitted to hospital after taking a handful of paracetamol.
‘She didn’t need her stomach pumped or anything and wouldn’t say to anyone why she’d done it.
'I felt straight away it was part of the manipulation process. She was trying to elicit sympathy so she could push the boundaries further.
‘The next day, social services spoke to us.
'They said: “Aren’t you shocked?” I said I was, which was when they said we were too strict. Then they reiterated: “You do know your daughter wants to be a boy.” I said: “It won’t happen until she’s older.”
‘They said: “Well, what will happen until then?” I said: “We’re not going to badger her. We don’t want her running away every week. We just want her to settle down because, once she’s settled, maybe she can think more rationally.’
The Wilsons say that during the summer, with little contact with social workers and CAMHs, their daughter did, indeed, settle down. ‘We began to see glimpses of the old Melissa,’ says Kate.
Which is why they were plunged into further despair when they met the school and social services in September to be told she still wanted to be called Mark at school and had been allocated a changing area separate from the other girls.
Following the meeting, CAMHs sent the Wilsons a leaflet about the Tavistock Centre in London, which assesses children for sex change therapy.
‘Then, last Tuesday, the psychiatrist who’s been assessing her and who was recommended by the social services department said: “I’m being pressed for this diagnosis. I just want to warn you the CAMHs worker has said if she is told she can’t be Mark at school she may be at a serious risk of committing suicide.".’
Peter interjects: ‘Basically, what they’re saying is: “If you don’t play ball, you are going to endanger your daughter’s life.”
'That’s why we knew we’d have to start trying to find some way to fight this.’
The Wilsons are now represented by a solicitor allied to the Christian Legal Centre, and the next meeting with social services is expected to take place in November.
‘We’re not doing this because we’re bigots and certainly not because we’re homophobic. We’re not,’ says Peter. ‘We’re doing it because Melissa doesn’t know where she’s going.
‘She doesn’t understand the seriousness of what’s going on. Even the NHS website warns that hormone therapy will make you less fertile and, eventually, completely infertile.
‘Even if the treatment’s stopped, there is no guarantee that fertility will return.
‘How can a child of 14 make that sort of life-changing decision? We sent her to school so she could study to be a doctor. Not for this.
‘Surely as parents it’s up to us to act in what we believe to be our daughter’s best interests, not some social worker pushing their liberal agenda. After all, it’s us who love her. We are her family —not the State.’
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