Schools should be a place our children can go to learn and feel safe. Society should be a place where we all feel safe.
But it is not. I’m not sure that enough is being done to deal with the problem. There are policies and discussions, and systems in place, yet bullying continues to escalate.
The attacks on those who seem vulnerable and different are done in order to take the focus off the perpetrator and their friends.
No one wants to be singled out and picked on, better to get in there first. Bullying is the exertion of one’s power over another in order to feel more powerful.
Therefore, the simple solution would be then to raise empowered children - those who are aware of their own power so they do not have to steal it from others.
It all comes down to self-love
It should be the priority for every parent to raise children who love themselves, those who have their cup full so love can spill over on to those who enter their path.
Our schools are not doing enough to combat bullying because they are trying to deal with the symptoms. Putting rules and systems in place that further imprison people. True liberation comes with self-love.
Teach our children to love themselves. Teach them to believe in their own goodness and the power they hold within them to live their best life and practice kindness.
To many this may sound so Utopian and unrealistic. Why do we think that? Why is it so difficult to think we can’t teach our children self-love? They are born not really knowing anything else. They come from love.
We love them to a depth that cannot be explained the minute they are born. We need to show our children they are beautiful and important, even when they mess up. They need to know they can make a difference, they can learn and grow, and when things go wrong for them they can turn to their own inner strength for guidance, they can turn to mentors and a source of higher power.
They don’t have to steal it from others
I try to spend every day building this foundation for my daughters. But, I know they are going to be met with people in their life who have no self-love and so don’t know how to show it to others.
I also know that my own daughters will mess up and hurt someone else. We have to teach our children how to handle the hurts and how to do better so they don’t negatively impact another person’s self esteem.
Bullying is not a one-off mistake; it is the consistent persecution of another. So, until my Utopian world exists, what can we do if our children are being bullied?
- Have conversations with our children. Help them to know they can come to you for anything. You must keep those channels of communication open.
- Always put the power on your child. If my daughter tells me something another child does to her, my first statement is, “Did you say: Stop it I don’t like it?” They must believe they have the right to say this.
- Talk through the incidents with your child. Be open to hearing all sides of the story including the possibility your child is not innocent. If it is not, and you know it is a case of bullying then speak with your child’s teacher to discuss the issues.
- Have a strategy plan in place with your child. Discuss all the possible solutions to the issues.
- Be very careful that your child is not continuing to place themselves in the line of fire. I have seen it over and over again in schools. A student will be having difficulty with another child, yet they will continue to try and befriend them. They must stay away from the attackers. Help them to see they are not their friends and they don’t need them in their life.
- Help your child to build strong relationships with other children. They only need one or two good friends. Arrange play dates and talk positively about the relationships they are developing in school.
- Discuss ‘friendship’ with your child. What makes a good friend and why? How can you be a good friend? What can we do if we argue with our friends? What can we do if we see someone not being a good friend to others?
- Work on building your child’s self-esteem. Think about self-defence classes. We all know about Karate Kid-that stuff works. Self-defence teaches more about discipline and inner strength than it does using your hands as weapons.
- This is the hardest thing of all for you to do, but it is ESSENTIAL. Ask yourself why your child could be being picked on. Bullies will always pick on those who are vulnerable. It’s the only way they can get power. It is so important that you take the time to think why your child could be vulnerable and then work on strengthening that. This doesn’t mean changing your child. They could be vulnerable merely because they are different. Keep building their confidence and self-love.
- Teach your children to be independent thinkers and to stand up for others and for what is right. A lot of bullying occurs within a group—people following the herd in order to not be singled out. We want our children to feel confident enough to be the leader that says no and demands the fair and compassionate treatment of all people.
- Be an outstanding role model. Bullying is not just a school issue, it occurs in every aspect of our society. Ensure that you are using kind thoughts and words to every one that crosses your path, so your children learn that true empowerment comes from interactions that are based on love and compassion.
