The politically correct posse ride in to clean up a Wild West town in Antoine Fuqua's awful remake of The Magnificent Seven.
NEW RELEASE MOVIE REVIEWS - 30 September
THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN 1/2 (133 minutes) M
So, just how bad is this remake of the 1960 Western classic? A fair question, given how Antoine Fuqua's politically correct take on John Sturges' stirring film - itself a remake of Akira Kurosawa's 1954 film Seven Samurai - redefines just how far off-track remakes can go.
To put it mildly, this remake of The Magnificent Seven is so bad it makes the recent remake of Ben-Hur look like the 1959 Ben-Hur. The only good thing about it is that it might prompt those unfamiliar with the original Seven to check it out to see what all the fuss is about.
The big problem with the film is that it has no real reason to exist. The key to any worthwhile remake is motive. What's the reason you're remaking this classic? If you don't have a compelling response you're in trouble. In the case of this flatulent, overlong crap, there appears to be no reason at all.
The characters are lifeless, the pace is slow, the villain is a wimp and the dreary action scenes comprise of predictable gunfights full of the type of blood-splattered excess that has made Fuqua (Training Day; Tears of the Sun; The Equaliser - his one good film) Hollywood's leading proponent of "blood pudding" cinema.
The premise of the story across all versions is simple: a town being exploited by bad guys hires a gang of gunslingers to protect their town. In Sturges version it was a Mexican village that seeks the help of Yul Brynner, Steve McQueen, James Coburn and the rest of the crew (Charles Bronson, Brad Dexter, Robert Vaughn, Horst Buchholz).
This time around it's a town of white wild west farmers who attract the attention of a gold mine-digging robber baron (Peter Saarsgard). He wants to buy their land and is willing to shoot anyone who doesn't agree. To make his point he shoots a farmer and sets fire to the church to prove what a godless heathen he is.
Cue, the diversity-in-Hollywood committee approved posse of good guys lead by Denzel Washington (as a black badass) and including Chris Pratt, Ethan Hawke, Vincent D'Onofrio, Manuel Garcia-Rulfo (as a Mexican badass), Byung-hun Lee (as an Asian badass) and Martin Sensmeier (as a Native American badass).
Now, even allowing for how desperate the townsfolk are, it seems odd how nobody makes even passing mention about how ethnically diverse these rogues are. Though the film is set post-Civil War in 1879, there still surely would have been cause for somebody to remark on how a black guy, an Asian, a Mexican and a native American had come to their aid.
Yet nobody does. Seems that as well as being poor farmers, they are also the most forward-thinking liberal and socially progressive farmers in the Wild West.
Couldn't have Fuqua used this to spin a more interesting version of the story, perhaps making some of the townsfolk resent their saviors? Or having some of the gang argue that they should abandon them to their fate?
Not even the villian - a businessman who wants land to expand his mine - is interesting. Why not make him more seductive, dividing the town against itself with the promise of shared wealth? Where's the tension?
These are the sorts of thoughts that run through a critic's brain in an effort to fend off slumber during a film as uninspired and unimaginative as this dross. Not even the cinematography by Mauro Fiore (a regular Fuqua collaborator and Oscar-winner for 2009's Avatar) is much chop.
As for the famous theme, it doesn't kick in till the very end. If only it had been left out entirely, just out of respect.
MISS PEREGRINE'S HOME FOR PECULIAR CHILDREN ** (127 minutes) M
Another gloom-laden fantasy film intended for kids, this one featuring drab direction from Tim Burton and a time-travel storyline that will have you scratching your head. Asa Butterfield plays a boy who, on the wishes of his dying granddad (Terence Stamp) travels back to wartime England and the house where shape-shifting Miss Peregrine (Eva Green) presides over a house of oddball children. Overlong and hard-to-follow - there's even a Groundhog Day concept you're supposed to decrypt - there are some nice visual effects sequences, including one where a sunken ship is brought to life. Even Burton fans should wait for the DVD.
LIFE, ANIMATED ***1/2 (92 minutes) PG
Remarkable documentary chronicling the life of an autistic boy who finds his voice through the mimicry of Disney animated films. Directed by Roger Ross Williams, the film often comes to animated life itself as Owen Suskind recites his extraordinary journey with the help of real-life Disney magic. A most unusual, touching doco, strongly recommended.
