Argument over wall ruins friendship on The Block00:08:23
Argument over wall ruins friendship on The Block
REALITY TV ratings don’t lie. The Bachelor’s high ratings showed we love the idea of falling in love — especially when fake babies, sumo suits and washboard stomachs are involved. Zumbo’s Just Desserts low ratings showed we don’t care much for idiotic desserts that float around the room.
And this top-rating season of The Block showed how much we love the idea of renovating even though most of us can barely operate a photocopier, let alone a nail gun.
Sadly, hospital admissions data don’t lie either, showing how risky is our love of DIY. (Particularly the 14 per cent of amateurs who like to do their own electrical work.)
So what is it about The Block that continues to appeal while other reality franchises are dying a slow death? Or, in the case of Zumbo’s Just Desserts, a fast death.
I think The Block has worked for this long because it’s the ultimate in aspiration over actual.
We may dream about our renovating nous, but most of us struggle to get a quote to fix the leaky backyard tap, let alone transform the garage into a rumpus room.
So there’s something quite cathartic in watching other rank amateurs get blasted by bogan Shaynna for choosing the wrong taps while we’re sitting on the couch sipping chardy.
It is why we end up enjoying the couples’ mistakes as much as the masterstrokes. Who’d put a coffee table that far from the sofa? Who’d make a power room that poky? Who’d put black leather sofas on the terrace? Actually, it’s not a mistake. Judge Neale Whitaker calls it a “rookie styling gaffe”.
Inspired by my faves Karlie and Will, I can’t wait to renovate my own place. It’s going to be a fusion of industrial meets loft with a touch of Art Deco and Scandi on the side.
I have been watching The Block for so long now that I know what these terms really mean.
For instance:
Industrial = unfinished.
Heritage = falling down
Minimal = ran out of money
Scandi = ran out of money for paint.
Glamorous luxe = lots of curtains, not that many windows
New York loft = no floor space.
And I have all the lingo down pat. Thanks to The Block, it’s not a main bedroom, it’s a master suite. It’s not a hallway, it’s an entrance space.
And you don’t have a patio, you have indoor-outdoor connectivity. Or, as Jamie Durie’s new book calls it, a “transterior” home.
Walk-in wardrobes are also in demand on The Block, especially the one done this season by Julia and Sasha, which had display shelves for fancy designer shoes and bags. It’s very different from the way I’ve always done it, which is hide new shoes and clothes in the back of the cupboard. “These old things?” I’d say, hoping the price tag wasn’t visible.
It all makes me want to redecorate right now. I am not sure what a tonal braided jute rug is, but I know I need one. Same goes for “statement artworks”, “linear bricks” and “task lighting”.
Yes, I do need a revolving shoe rack, even if I only use it for Hush Puppies and Dunlop Volleys. Yes, I do need a pop-up in-built induction cook top, even if I can’t ever be bothered to learn how to use it. Yes, I do need a vertical garden, even if I have a horizontal one as well.
Part of the show’s success is the show’s producers are also expert in picking good on-air talent. Women are mouthy, men are long-suffering and there are lots of perfectionists doing their nana because they’re teamed up with a laid-back larrikin.
This year the couples received high praise from Foreman Keith, who said “no one was a real pig”. It’s not really high praise, now, is it?
They declared this group “the best they’ve ever had”.
They say that every year.
In the beginning, contestants had to keep their day jobs and renovate only at night.
They had budgets of $20,000.
Now it’s a fulltime job and one bathroom alone can cost $20,000.
In the past some of the properties were affordable to the average viewer — not that anyone much wanted to buy them. Now the properties are all expected to go for well over $2 million and it’s a legitimate competitive process that can net contestants hundreds of thousands of dollars.
It has always surprised me that anyone would want to buy something that’s primarily done by amateurs.
I’ve walked around most of the The Blocks over the years and in person it’s easy to see the hurriedly-painted walls and the last-minute furniture movements to cover some major boo-boo. And of course, all the reno fails are broadcast for buyers to see on the show.
So it’s extraordinary that the show has now been running 12 years.
That’s 12 years of tantrums, dummy spits, paint fights, “wow reveals” and “standout moments”.
Let’s hope we get to do it all again.
I can’t wait to see what inanimate designer object will be making a statement in 2017.
