nataliewearden submitted this photo with the comment “I am a performance artist based in East London and outgrown awkward teenage goth. I’m also dabbling in clowning and serving customers at the intergalactic-punk futuristik space mega-station that is Cyberdog in Camden Town. Here is me (a goth) in Epping Forest (up a tree). My website if thats allowed?”

Does one ever really grow out of their awkward teenage goth phase?  OK, yes, we do grow out of the teenager part but do we just refine and modify our awkwardness levels over time?  Personally, I think I was less awkward as a teenage goth than I am a relative eldergoth. But that’s probably due to caring less about making other people feel comfortable *ELDERGOTH POWER* and working in IT for 14 years with a selection of colleagues who only communicate in grunts, death stares and unusual odors.  It wears off on you, I swear.

To the goth, she’s a medium height in the tree but she’s balancing on the most fragile of branches available.  She’s obviously a risk taker.  I’m also getting the risk-taking vibe from her choice of trousers.  She’s not smiling but is out in day time. It’s obviously a wintry day though so the sun exposure is lower than usual.  Bonus points for boots and hair. 

4.2 out of 5 - Clowns will always be a million times more awkward than goths.  Especially their trousers.

stevie submitted this photo with the comment “This was taken in 2000, I was at boarding school in England and my life was full of turmoil (obviously). I wrote poetry and my own musical, and The Craft had just come out on VHS, so me and my friends had a book of shadows we used to carry around, and we did spells on the jocks in class.. and yeah.. life was hard :D” 

Dearest Stevie, this is like reading a summary of how I spent grade 12 (except for the composing a musical bit). In addition to casting completely ineffective spells on jocks, I also embarrassingly cast a spell on:

• my lip gloss - to entice particular boys to kiss me (which definitely worked when used in conjunction with consuming a lot of vodka), and
  
• a rock -  to make me dream of my next boyfriend (coincidentally, I dreamed that my boyfriend looked just like a young James Spader the night after I watched the original Stargate movie - WOW insightful!). 
  

If mainstream goth clothing brands are anything to go by, The Youth™ are also now going through this fun stage of worshipping The Craft.  Good for them.  It’s being remade now so all of our memories will be shattered for no good reason.  Joy.

Back to the job at hand, our goth is high up the tree and she’s not smiling. The tree trunk is obscuring what we can see of the goth’s outfit but it’s definitely black and she’s sporting some boots and a wistful look.  It’s daylight but seems to be overcast. The goth and the tree seem to be supporting each other in this photo, which is strangely calming (or I’m coming down off all the caffeine I’ve had today).

4.5 out of 5 - I wonder if Steve’s musical was about the tree? Or jocks? Or The Craft? Or a hilarious musical remake of The Craft with a group of jock outcasts just wanting to express themselves and fix their problems through sport in a school of witches.

karkajou-automaton submitted this photo with the comment “This is me from 1999 in Santa Barbara. Throwback Thursday.”

Greetings poignant friends. Sadly, it’s been a while between goths up trees but we goths have lives too, you know.  I’ve been places (work), I’ve done things (work), I’ve been to paradise, but never I’ve never been to me. But I’m back now so you can stop doing whatever the bloody hell you’ve been doing for the last few months and get back up those lonely gothless trees and take a photo for me.

To get us back into the swing of things we have an excellent goth up a tree at night time.  They’re not smiling, look to be a decent height up the tree and the goth looks as if they’re about to pounce, cat-like, well as cat-like as you can in a dress and boots, onto their unsuspecting prey (which is most likely a group of underage kiddies sitting under the tree drinking goon).  

5 out of 5 - That’s maeeey goon noaw! *cackle*

Torny submitted this photo with the comment “here i am…. in trondheim, norway. i went to the nidarosdom to visit the grave of the great viking king Olav the Holy. a beautiful grave yard worthy of the presence of a great king. i could feel the spirits of the heathen diminish from the power of his wrath. a dark autumun evening in trondheim………”

Ah, my dear arboreal goth loving friends, I apologise for the lack of posts.  I recently undertook the Goth 2 Boss transformation at work and forgot how to do anything other than write pleading emails to service providers while banging my head on my desk and whispering the chorus of ‘Bipolar’ by Assemblage 23.

ANYWAY, here we have an excellent submission from Torny representing Norway in the best possible fashion; she’s high up a tree at night time, in a cemetery containing the grave of a viking king, not smiling, and throwing some surprisingly elegant looking horns.  Bonus points given for the menacing expression and what my very thirsty brain is interpreting as is a bottle of some sort of delicious alcohol cradled in her arms. This is some top quality goth-up-tree action.  I would have preferred a better quality photo but I understand that we’re not all in possession of cameras that can take decent low light photos. 

5 out of 5 - The Goth 2 Boss transformation leaves you very thirsty for vodka all the time. That wasn’t mentioned in the promo.

dickspagetti submitted this photo with the comment “Just me, chilling in a tree in Sydney”

Despite this person looking more metal than goth in this photo (yes, yes there’s a big cross-over between subcultures, I know) I find it difficult to not post a photo by any person called “dickspagetti”. I’m only human.  Also, they’re from my home continent and I reserve the right to discriminate on the basis of user-name and location and the fact that they describe themselves as a “Complete bogan dickhead” (non-Australians, here’s a definition of ‘bogan‘).

This self-confessed bogoth (bogan-goth) is high up her tree in an impressive metalesque pose.  She seems to have a suggestion of a smile on her face, which is disappointing.  It’s a sunny day but her tree is providing adequate shade.

3.8 out of 5 - Embrace your inner bogoth.

it-stimefortea submitted this photo with the comment “The spiffy hat returns to tree-height. Victorian Goth with a spiffy hat take 2 :D”

I don’t believe that this is the same spiffy hat making a return to our fine bloggy shores. It’s the same goth but different spiffy hat.  Lie about anything but hats, friends. ANYTHING but hats. Ok, it could be the same hat but with different stuff attached to it. It’s not important. 

You know what is important? Absinthe drinking is important; mostly because it makes me very calm and smell of anise and induces an overwhelming sense of uberness *sigh*.  Also reclining up trees is important and this goth excels in this area. She is beautifully dressed whether or not that is the same bloody spiffy hat.  She’s high up a tree that bares the scars of non-gothic tree-vandalising scum and she’s not smiling. It looks like it’s late in the afternoon on a wintry day so not much UV exposure likely.  Bonus points for pretty dress.  I would have given more bonus points if the suspect hat was actually on her head.

4.8 out of 5 - I need proof of hat.

reptilequeen submitted this photo with the comment “Back when I was 18 hahahahah”

See, I look at this photo and think, ‘When were you 18? A bloody year ago?’ mostly because it’s a long time since I was 18, and my “Back when I was 18 hahahahahah” photo looks more like this.  I think I was smiling there because I was pretty happy with my weighted, uber expensive, cat-eye contacts and, you know, my boyfriend’s golf/goth outfit.  Ah, the 90s. *sigh* 

Anyway, back to the submitted photo.  Our goth here is high up her tree at night time.  She’s looking at us with suitable levels of disdain and I like what I can see of her outfit.  I would have appreciated seeing more of the tree and more of the outfit but it was back when she was 18 so you can’t expect 19 year old levels of photographic skill.

4.99 out of 5 - You just experienced me in the midst of a bout of serious CSOG (Cranky Sad Old Goth).

izzythewitch submitted this photo with the comment “Well, there was snow on the ground, a chill in the air and the sky looked sort of bleak. A truly beautiful sort of day. What to do but climb a tree? It wasn’t a Christmas tree, sadly, since this was taken a couple of days after Christmas. But that’s because I don’t do festive, and frankly - all those prickles! Itchy! After my first attempt was posted a few weeks ago, I thought I’d submit something new for you. Personally I think in this one I look like I care much more for the tree than in my previous attempt, whilst maintaining a vague indifference to everything else.”

It’s currently snowing (ok, hailing) outside my window and I feel like this photo is appropriate to help share the enduring wintery pain of we poor Southern hemisphereites with the rest of the world (while they laugh with glee at our displeasure; sauntering around wearing less than 5 layers of clothes, swilling mojitos and eating tropical fruits in the shade).  I can tell you that if the goths are complaining about the cold weather it must be truly bad; we who appreciate an excellent coat and a ridiculous pair of boots more than any other subculture.

Our goth here is a low height in the tree; from this angle she appears to be barely off the ground.  I do like the natural looking tree-caring/vague-indifference-to-all-else pose she has gone for.  She’s not smiling and there’s little chance of UV exposure due to the overcast snowing type day.  Bonus points for pretty hairs and making me feel better about the weather.

4.6 out of 5 - I feel like I might be inappropriately using the semi-colon today but I like to use anything with the word ‘colon’ in it.

tornadogrrrl submitted this photo and one other with the comment “A friend threw a goth masquerade cocktail party.  One guest showed up with a case of wine.  Seemed like a perfect opportunity for a little late night photo shoot.”

Finally, an excellent group of goths up a tree at night time!  I’m so starved for night time shots that I don’t even care that this one is slightly blurry. 

These goths look like people I would like to be friends with.  Some of them look like people I’m already friends with, however it’s unlikely that any of my friends would turn up to a party with a case of wine.  They’d definitely turn up to a party with a bag of wine.  In fact, one frequently does (I’m talking boxed wine here, friends, or ‘goon’ as we call it in Australia).  Note to self: start new blog called ‘Goths with Goon’ - on second thought, after reading this article, perhaps not.

Back to the photo, we have 5 quality goths high up a decent tree at night time.  Not one of them is smiling.  We also have 5 high quality non-smiling supporting cast members for added appeal.  Bonus points for obvious alcohol, masks, top hats and corsets. 

5 out of 5 - More of it!

Renee submitted this photo with the comment “Taking it up a level - aerial silks in trees. Goths love circus.”

The perspective in this photo is making my brain do strange things to my stomach; either that or I’m coming down with the dreaded lurgy that’s violently haunting my workplace like a stinky poltergeist. Despite the nauseous feelings I’m experiencing, I can appreciate the excellent tree branch/hair/leaves/face/foot situation in this photo.  This goth isn’t smiling, she’s hanging from the tree at what looks like a very decent height, she’s out in daylight but she’s in the shade of the tree.  I’m disappointed that her silks aren’t black, for obvious reasons, but I suppose they’re green to match the tree so that’s slightly more acceptable.  Bonus points for causing me physical discomfort through a photo.

4.75 out of 5 - It’s true. Goths love the circus (well, the non-animal-abusing bits of the circus).

blackischeerful submitted this photo with no comment.

I bloody love a good cybergoth and this one is high up a tree on a dreary looking day. Non-goths might not know this, but cybergoths have made communicable diseases fashionable.  Surgical masks are a common sight in clubs where cybergoths lurk.  I think it’s due to the late nights/early mornings, their insistence on wearing not enough clothes to and from das klub, and just generally not giving their immune systems enough time to recover between uber klubbing fun-times.  Instead of staying home, sipping whisky-spiked tea, and eating whole bulbs of garlic while singing songs of woe to their pets like normal goths, our lovely thoughtful cybergoths grab a few pingers, paint a mask black, shove some spikes through it and go out anyway.  Their dedication is admirable.

This lovely cybergoth is high up a tree in a commanding pose.  We can’t see if she’s smiling but, assuming she has the flu, probably not.  I commend her for climbing that high in those boots and that corset.  I have those boots so I know what a feat that is. Bonus points for the height, boots, corset, flowing skirt and pose.  Top job.

4.95 out of 5 - I hope she has a matching black handkerchief.

onlydeathisreal submitted this photo with no comment.

These guys are showing a bit too much skin during the day time for my liking.  Haven’t they heard about how ugly melanomas are on beautiful pasty skin?  Remember, kids: if you want to go about showing off your sweet tatts, you need to do it at night time and just deal with the cold. Pride will keep you warm. You need to ignore that shit about actually needing a bit of sun now and then and just take decent vitamin D pills like we good dedicated goths do.

These two likely lads are high up a lovely big tree.  The front one looks amused but hasn’t extended his face to a full smile.  He has gone for the traditional male goth crotch displaying pose.  The rear one looks predatory and I’m digging the hair but I’m confused about the socks.  I’m not generally confused by socks so I’m going to need a drink and a lie down.  They’re out in the daylight but they’ve opted for the black and white filter to improve the situation.

4.5 out of 5 - I don’t think I’ve ever deducted points for socks before

banalborg submitted this photo with the comment “Borg up tree.”

I can’t imagine there’s much to assimilate from a tree other than some sweet splinters or maybe a bit of sap, unless this borg was after a bit o’ tree-climbing goth uniqueness, but we all know that they will be bitterly disappointed on that front.  I do love a borg, though.  I had a massive crush on 7of9, the Borg Queen and good o’ Locutus when I was good little Star Trek loving baby goth. I really want to say something about being receptive to a good borg nanoprobing at that age, but that wouldn’t be very couth, would it? No.

I think it would be difficult to prove that the borg aren’t goths.  I mean, they wear a lot of black, they’re pasty, strangely alluring, and mostly don’t display any emotion.  This borg is a decent height up the tree and she’s not smiling. It’s daylight but she’s nearly completely covered.  

3.85 out of 5 - Resistance to a good climbable tree = futile

Imogen C Tapscott submitted this photo and one other with the comment “I have two photos from my own photography portfolio you may use for your page if you wish. Please credit Alice Vegas awesome fun page! have a great day!“

I had difficulty choosing which her two excellent photos to post, but in the end I decided on this one because, you know, it’s more goth and I will always err on the side of more goth (don’t we all?)

Our goth here has gone with a bit of a gothic-lolita inspired outfit, which I enjoy (on other people, I’m allergic to too many frills).  At first glance she appears to be quite low in the tree, but I think she might be higher than she looks.  It’s daylight but she’s chucked on a few filters to decrease the obviousness of the daylight.  There’s a hint of amusement on her face; possibly because she nicked that doll from a small child earlier and is listening to its screams from her up-tree perch.

4.8 out of 5 - Beware the doll stealing goths; coming to a park near you.

Sique submitted this photo with the comment “After an all-nighter at a London goth club that lead to a particularly packed afterparty, a few of my friends and I decided to invade the local park to escape the building humidity and aroma of post-club goth-sweat. The friend pictured could not resist the urge to climb a tree and sate his intoxicated, feral urges; however, his priorities were kept in check when he removed his black leather trousers so as not to tear them in the process of clambering.”

I’m impressed that this goth boi had the presence of mind after his goth club and afterparty experience to remove his trousers to prevent damage.  Although, it probably came from that strange clarity you gain from partying to excess and leaving in the daylight.  His pose is fearless, given his lack of pants and I’m glad to see his dedication to black-wearing extends to his underpants (I think less of goths who surreptitiously wear coloured undies). This guy took his boots off, which is upsetting. I would have appreciated a no-trousers + goth boots pic but we can’t have it all.  He’s high up the tree and he’s not smiling.  It’s daylight but it’s acceptable as his goth-power increased by goth clubbing and afterpartying all night (goth-power is charged up by doing goth things at night). 

4.9 out of 5 - Hooray for goth bois in full crotch-displaying mode minus pants up a tree.