I'm in your song macroing your kitties!
I haz a song!
Me too!
I are in ur verse!
O'rilly?
Ya, Rilly!
O'rilly?
Yarilly!
No Wai!
Wai!
No Wai!
Wai!
I is a kitty and I has good fun
I is entertaining everyone
Dint used to be an internet icon
Till my mom got a digital Nikon
Now she stalks me round the house
Interrupt when Ize chasin a mouse
Waitin for me to make a silly pose,
Stickin that camera up my nose
Goes to compooter, she starts playin
Makes up something I might be sayin
Upload the pic for all to see,
All her online friends go SQUEEEEE
Cat macros.
I has a reverb!
(Oh no you doesn't!)
Oh noez he's got mah reverb!
So I go cuddlin wit a stuffed bear
Gettin peanut butter all over my hair
Sprawled in a sunbeam, swattin at flies
Trapped in the laundry wit big sad eyes
Lickin at toesies, scratchin at fleas
“I Can Has Cheezburger, peese?” — [chz. FTW!]
Mom still doin her photo shoot,
Good thing my little furry butt is cute
Stickin my nose in an empty dish
Lookin for an invisible fish
I has no idea what you just said
So here’s me with a pancake on my head
Cat macros.
Mah associates has informed me you has mah reverb!
Now I is songcat singin this bridge
From my stage on top o’ da fridge
I is only two years of age
But I got my own MySpace page
Da silly pictures people wants
But only wit impact fonts
I keep dis up, but for how long?
Oh hai, I transpozed yur song
So I has lyric all my own
Can I has leftover to take home?
I is Emo Kitty, I has angst
I gots yur breakfast, k, thx
Invisible Walrus step on you
No, I has mighty feline fu
Yur full o’ win - Yur full o’ lose
Last Verse Kitty is not amused
I’m in yur Thai food, nibblin’ ginger
I is stealth kitty, bein a ninja
I’m in yur spookhouse, bein a haunt
I’m in yur limburger — DO NOT WANT!
(I miss mah reverb!)
I has a feather!
I has snow!
I has floor!
There's a tall skinny blonde, that's the kind I like,
But I can't see past the middle-aged guy on the bike
I move down the street for a better view,
But now she's all blurry, what's a man to do?
There's a hot brunette just caught my eye,
I could reach out and touch her if it was last July,
Cruisin' for chicks on Google Maps,
The be-all and end-all of killer apps,
Nine billion panoramic street view snaps,
Cruisin' for chicks on Google Maps.
Don't need a fancy car or fine clothes to wear,
Drag the icon to an intersection, stop and stare,
Honeys to the left of me, hotties to the right,
Posed perfectly waitin' for a traffic light
They pixellate the faces, but that's absurd,
What's below the neckline sure ain't obscured,
Cruisin' for chicks on Google Maps,
All of the girl watching, none of the slaps,
Next version's got dancing on rendered laps,
Cruisin' for chicks on Google Maps.
You can keep your RealDoll with her plasticine bod,
And your Grand Theft Auto with Hot Coffee mod,
Your social network and online date finder,
'Cause i'm surrounded by real live women, kinda.
I can scan every country from border to border,
Without violating my restraining order,
Some people think it's creepy and they say that I'm
Misusing this digitized moment of time,
But I'm only girl watching in the information age,
And I've got a zillion hits on my Twitter page,
Cruisin' for chicks on Google Maps,
I'm a Macro Mac Daddy in 3D time-lapse,
Instead of Texas Hold-Em or shootin' craps, I'm
Cruisin' for chicks on Google Maps,
Firing off every erotic synapse,
Times Square or Disneyland might make me collapse,
Cruisin' for chicks on Google Maps,
What's the best thing in life? It might be, perhaps,
Cruisin' for chicks on Google Maps.
(urchins)
Mechanicsburg, Mechanicsburg,
Welcome to Mechanicsburg!
There's no finer city from
St. Petersburg to Rome.
Mechanicsburg, Mechanicsburg,
The loveliest we've ever heard of,
Jewel of Europa and
The place where we call home.
How mighty are her mighty walls,
How shiny are her clanks,
How beautiful her dairy farms,
And for her cheese we all give thanks.
How glorious her Hospital
Which helps folk far and near,
Bill and Barry Heterodyne
Built it for us here.
Mechanicsburg, Mechanicsburg,
Welcome to Mechanicsburg,
We thank you so for visiting,
With every erg and ohm.
Mechanicsburg, Mechanicsburg,
The greatest burg we've ever heard of,
Jewel of Europa and
We are at the opera, but she don't like the opera,
But I love the opera, and she loves me.
Vikings in leotards, sixty-year-old teens,
And a German Godzilla all sing off-key.
She'd rather hear the Mormon Tabernacle doing
Whitesnake*,
The threading of the plot, she cannot unwind,
But we are at the opera, because I love the opera,
I wish I couldn't read her mind.
("This goes on for three-and-a-half hours? And not one
sing-along?")
We are with my ex-wife, she doesn't like my ex-wife,
But I'm friends with my ex-wife, and she loves me.
She feels like a combination prostitute and pirate,
And wishes my ex-wife was more ugly.
She's guilty 'cause she knows we'd never get back
together,
But if we'd broken badly she would not be in this bind,
She doesn't want to take the chance that she might like
my ex-wife,
I wish I couldn't read her mind.
("Gee, she's really kinda nice. I wonder why he broke
up with her?
... It was him who broke up with her, right?")
Whoever thinks telepathy is wonderfully mystic
Is celibate, misogynist, and maybe masochistic.
I always have to filter through and translate double
meanings,
And what it's done to my love life gives me hermetic
leanings.
Here we are, we're making it, but she is merely taking
My lady love is faking it, 'cause she loves me.
I am doing everything to make her go crazy,
But she'd rather be watching her MTV.
It's not that she's uninterested, or even non-orgasmic,
She worries for my feelings, but... am I that blind?
We are always making it, and she is always faking it!
I wish I couldn't read her mind.
("Ohh, God, this is wonderful. I guess."**)
So if I'm looking tired, and you feel inspired
To figure how my brain is wired, go right ahead.
I am so fed up with knowing all of her secrets
(And if she knew that I knew, we'd both be dead).
I'd like to find a woman who just tells me what she's
thinking,
Who doesn't feel she has to lie just to be kind,
So if you're out there listening, I'm looking for love,
And the catch is, I can read your mind --
I sure hope you won't mind.
("You know, the fact that you always know what I'm
going to say next --")
-- really gets on your nerves....
* Other possible lines include:
... Madonna and Sinatra do the Bee Gees
... The Beatles as performed by Willie Nelson
... Fred Schneider and Drew Carey doing 'N Sync
... or whatever unlikely groups scan to the line
** Alternate, suggested by Leslie Larkins:
Hee-Haw Field Earth
Words: © 2000 by Tom Smith
Music: "Where Oh Where Are You Tonight? (PTHBBPT! You Was
Gone)" by Bix Reichner
You used to be Vinnie, Vinnie Barbarino.
You Greased up your hair, and sang "Summer Nights",
Saturday Night Fever made you a dancer,
And then from the public you dropped out of sight.
You did plastic bubbles, you looked at Who's Talking?
And for twenty years you did nothing of worth,
But Pulp Fiction, Face/Off, and Primary Colors
Revived you -- so you could make Battlefield Earth.
Where, oh, where are you tonight?
Why don't your agent call on the phone?
You searched the world over for profoundness and truth,
When this song is over, you will die.
When this song is over, you will die.
This recording bears a curse, and it only will get
worse,
When this song is over, you will die.
You've seen that scary movie called The Ring,
Except for this being The Ringtone, the same thing.
Ask not for whom the MP3 / may toll, it tolls for thee,
You're doomed the moment that I cease to sing.
When this song is over, you will die.
There's no time to complain or question why.
Three minutes and some change are all we could arrange,
When this song is over, you will die.
There was a monster at the end of Grover's book,
And he was too darn scared to even look,
Well, it turned out to be him, but your fate is much
more grim,
And all that will remain is this song's hook.
When this song is over, you will die,
Its power chords will make your brainpan fry,
For good measure, in the bridge, we'll stuff your
girlfriend in the fridge,
When this song is over, you will die.
It isn't Rock Band for Nintendo Wii,
The controller's not compatible, you see,
The only beetles to be seen are picking your bones
clean,
And your tomb is locked, no way to change the key.
Have your body freeze-dried, wrapped in foil,
And planted some six feet beneath the soil,
This is your requiem, and it has no DRM,
You're iPod Shuffling off this mortal coil.
When this song is over, you will die,
Nothing left that you can do or try,
Take the record for a spin, then inform your next-of-
kin,
When this song is over, you will die.
When this song is over, you will die,
When this song is over, you will die,
It's an earworm of a tune, but you'll get rid of it
soon,
When this song is over, you will die.
When this song is over, you will die,
Thanks for listening, time to say goodbye,
Hope you've made out your will, now we're closing for
the kill,
When this song is over, you will,
When this song is over, you will,
Aggressively Cute
(keywords: aggressively, cute; style: 80s pop)
We're just so wonderful, please buy our stuff
'Cause if you don't, we might have to get rough,
We're the best singers of our style and age
Better agree or we'll have a match inside a steel
Cage, we're so beautiful, come see our flicks,
We're endearing, at least to you hicks,
Young budding womanhood, brimming with class,
So buy what we sell or we might have to come and kick
your
Ass, 'cause our honor's at stake here
For you, we feel contempt and hate
We've got some cash in to rake here
The Feud, The Proud
(keywords: junkyard, wars; style: bluegrass)
The Hatfields and the McCoys
Have been at it since they were boys,
But muskets and traps have been put under wraps
In favor of new techie toys.
Ol' Manfred McCoy built a hound,
Fifteen feet tall, and three thousand pounds,
A cast-iron killer, he called it Dawgzilla,
Ain't a Hatfield it can't bring to ground.
Well, Clem Hatfield struck back with panache,
Wanted somethin' too hefty to smash,
It was tough an' it stank, so he called it Septic Tank,
Just a cannon on a dumpster for trash.
Then the kids wanted in on the fun,
Tried creatin' a new kind o' gun,
Little Elmer and Bonita made a meat-an'-greet repeater,
hand-crank meat grinder with an M-1.
They went into the cornfield at dawn,
And like Mills Lane, said "Let's get it on!"
But Dawgzilla chased some squirrels, Elmer wouldn't
play with girls,
And the dumpster rolled downhill, an' it's gone.
So the Hatfields and the McCoys
Have abandoned their new techie toys
Ain't exactly a truce, both have just gone recluse,
Most days are like all of the others,
Go to work, come back home, watch TV,
But, brother, if I had me druthers,
I'd chuck it and head out to sea,
For I dream of the skull and the crossbones,
I dream of the great day to come,
When I dump the mundane for the Old Spanish Main
And trade me computer for rum! ARRR!
T' me,
Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho,
It's "Talk Like A Pirate" Day!
When laptops are benches God gave us fer wenches,
And a sail ain't a low price ta pay!
When timbers are shivered and lillies are livered
And every last buckle is swashed,
We'll abandon our cars for a shipfull of ARRRs
And pound back the grog till we're sloshed! Yo ho...
Don't pick up yer phone and say "Hello,
Our ten-o-clock meeting's delayed",
Ye scrunch up yer face and ye bellow,
"AVAST! Ye've been bleedin' BELAYED!"
Ye can't keep this fun to yerself, I bet,
So sing "Aye!" "ARRR!" "Ayy!" every man!
We ain't got much grasp of the alphabet,
But a damn good retirement plan!
T' me,
Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho,
It's "Talk Like A Pirate" Day!
Whatever's in fashion is in for a thrashin'
And bein' polite is passe!
When it's ev'ry man's duty to grab his proud beauty
And let out a hearty YO HO!
And if this offends you, hold y'r breath as we sends you
Ta Davy Jones' Locker ya go! Yo ho...
We'll tell every banker "Heave to and weigh anchor!"
Buy latte with pieces of eight
We'll fight to be chosen as cap'n or bosun
The loser, o' course, is worst mate!
When we hoist Jolly Roger, the landlubbers dodge 'er,
We fill 'em with loathing and fear,
We'll plunder and pillage each city and village,
Or at least clean out Wal-Mart of beer!
There ain't no computin' or morning commutin',
No "Parking Lot Full" signs for me,
No lawns ta be mowin' or bills to be owin',
I'm knowin' the pull of the sea.
The fresh salty brace of the wind on my face
Through hurricane, sunshine or squalls,
I'm keepin' my eyes on the distant horizon,
Verizon can hold all my calls!
To wear a red coat full o' buckles,
To earn a few duelling scars,
Well, at least we can get a few chuckles
By filling the office with ARRRs!
And maybe we'll never get closer,
Than watchin' 'em on the big screen,
So here's to old Errol and Depp as Jack Sparrow,
And every damn one in between!
T' me,
Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho,
It's "Talk Like A Pirate" Day!
That time in September when sea dogs remember
That grown-ups still know how ta play!
When wenches are curvy and dogs are all scurvy
And a soft-wear patch covers your eye,
Ta hell with our jobs, for one day we're all swabs
And buccaneers all till we die!
So hoist up the mainsils and shut down your brain cells,
They only would get in the way,
Avast there, me hearty, we're havin' a party,
Rocket launcher, rail gun, BFG Nine Thousand One,
Never saw it coming and I never had a chance.
Bad enough being dead, Sub Zero pulled off my head,
Master Chief is doing his victory dance.
Lost Asia in Risk, Diablo burnt me to a crisp,
Even though I had the Godly Plate of the Whale.
Two pair, eights and kings, Sauron got the One Ring,
Getting dysentery on the Oregon Trail.
Harry Potter came up short dueling with Voldemort,
Elspeth Holliday met the Blair Witch.
Spider-Man showed such aplomb till he met that pumpkin bomb,
Mr. Incredible didn't throw the switch.
Cliff racers, cave bats, stupid frickin' giant rats,
Deadly pirahna poodles, or soldier ants,
You were eaten by a grue, Hah! The wumpus got you,
Nancy Drew and Scooby Doo teabagged in Halo 2
Dead again,
Splattered all over a rendered killing floor,
Dead again,
Let me respawn and I'll be back for more,
Dead again,
Let me get to the checkpoint, then you can do your worst,
Dead again,
Then I'll reload but this time I'll shoot first.
My marble plummets from a height, should have rolled it to the right,
Jumped through lots of traffic but then fell off a log.
Russian cubes from the sky, and I let 'em stack too high,
Punched right off the screen by a humanoid frog.
T-rex got me, now I'm toast, chased down by a blinking ghost,
Landed on some spikes and dropped every last ring.
Bitten by a fanged slug, Jafar zapped my flying rug,
Trampled in a bog by a Barbarian King.
Mechanized war bots, Mudokan slingshots,
Centipede dropping a flea on my head.
Couldn't fly as Alfred Chicken, Duke Nukem kept on kickin',
Fought Guy of Gisborne with only some bread.
Skeletons hit me twice, dragon breath cased me in ice,
Couldn't line up all the jewels three in a row,
Shot up by Miami cops, beaten with karate chops,
Kept on missing platform hops, and the timer never stops.
Dead again,
How come these worlds have so many bottomless pits?
Dead again,
And everyone that I meet wants me blown to bits.
Dead again,
Reincarnation one byte at a time,
Dead again,
It's so embarassing to be killed by green slime.
Real life goes on until you're
Dead, or so I'm told,
Injury, catastrophe, or
Simply growing old
Fantasy's supposed to be where
You can find your dreams,
But all I find is game designers
Hooked on players' screams.
Smothered by a boa constrictor, drawn and quartered by a lich or
Eaten by a cat while dodging Beethoven's Fifth.
My flying ostrich drowned, monkeys thowing barrels down,
Torn apart by creatures out of legend and myth.
Zombies got a hold of Jill, nurses up in Silent Hill,
All those German snipers on the beach at Omaha.
Swallowed by the sand worms, infected by some nasty germs,
Didn't slap the leather when I heard him say, "DRAW!"
Running from Koala Kong, made a turn that's really wrong,
Sephiroth's supernova fried us where we stood.
Broiled in a lava flow, squashed by Super Mario,
Didn't make my saving throw again, st lawful good.
Thirty zillion space machines blowning up in cut scenes,
I actually found a way to die in Myst.
Ninja swords decapitate, plasma guns obliterate,
Pocket nukes annihilate, reboot, transubstantiate.
Dead again,
Inching ahead until once more I choke,
Dead again,
The funeral bills would leave my whole state broke,
Dead again,
Something is trying to chew off both my legs,
Dead again,
Who in the hell dreams up these easter eggs?
Dead again,
All of the guys at work think I'm a freak,
Dead again,
They watch golf and NASCAR every week,
Dead again,
They'll never understand what I call fun,
Dead again,
Cheer, cheer for Trans Poly U,
Rise, our creations, here's what to do,
Show their folly, watch them fry, as
We call the lightning from the sky.
What tho' the odds be great or be small,
Trans Poly U will rule over all,
This entire world will fall, and
Worship Trans Poly U.
You can't beat what we create!
It's all right, it's all good,
Those blind fools never understood.
That's okay, they won't score,
That's what this new Death Ray's for.
Punch 'em inna head, kick 'em inna ditch,
Forget the Hail Mary -- throw the switch!
Yayyy!
Cheer, cheer for Trans Poly U,
This is a day that their team will rue,
They run plays, but we've got plans, we'll
Make them give in to our demands!
All of them laughed, but soon they will see,
Ruling the world is our destiny,
Starting with this game will do, so
On the first day of Star Wars, my true love gave to me
A pod racer in a pear tree.
On the second day of Star Wars, Artoo Deetoo said to
"Beedle beedle boop"
And a pod racer in a pear tree.
On the third day of Star Wars, a robot said to me,
"Three-pio,"
"Beedle beedle boop,"
And a pod racer in a pear tree.
On the fourth day of Star Wars, Darth Vader said to me,
"The Force is strong in this one,"
"Three-pio,"
"Beedle beedle boop,"
And a pod racer in a pear tree.
On the fifth day of Star Wars, Chewbacca said to me:
"GRONNK GRONK-GRONK GRONNNK!"
"Force is strong in this one,"
"Three-pio,"
"Beedle beedle boop,"
And a pod racer in a pear tree.
On the sixth day of Star Wars, George Lucas said to me,
"There'll be six episodes,"
"GRONNK GRONK-GRONK GRONNNK!"...
On the seventh day of Star Wars, Luke Skywalker said to
"I'm savin' both my friends,"
"Six episodes"...
On the eighth day of Star Wars, the Emperor said to me,
"Your hate will make you strong,"
"Savin' both my friends"...
On the ninth day of Star Wars, young Anakin said to me,
"I'm nine but I'm mature,"
"Hate will make you strong"...
On the tenth day of Star Wars, Amidala said to me,
"Wait ten more years,"
"Nine but I'm mature"...
On the eleventh day of Star Wars, Obi-Wan said to me,
"We're a-leavin' Tatooine,"
"Ten more years"...
On the twelfth day of Star Wars, Yoda said to me:
"Mm-MMMmmm! Backwards teach you to sing, I have!"
"A-leavin' Tatooine,"
"Ten more years,"
"Nine but I'm mature,"
"Hate will make you strong,"
"Savin' both my friends,"
"Six episodes,"
"GRONNK GRONK-GRONK GRONNNK!"
"Force is strong in this one,"
"Three-pio,"
"Beedle beedle boop,"
Wouldst that I stood 'pon care-worn Stony Peak,
Below in the vales of Tennessee.
'Tis no pollution-filled smoke 'pon Stony Peak,
Nor scrolls from AT&T.;
One cannot cultivate maize 'pon Stony Peak,
The stones cause farming to fail --
'Tis why the only grain 'pon Stony Peak
Is found in a tankard of ale.
Stony Peak!
I shall e'er regard
Thee as mine own backyard,
Noble, ancient Stony Peak,
Stony Peak of Midgard,
Stony Peak of Midgard.
Goin' up to Nifelheim, goin' for a stroll,
Goin' up to Nifelheim, kill a big troll.
Goin' up to Nifelheim, goin' in a skiff,
Goin' up to Nifelheim to see my Sif.
In times past, varlets hied yon Stony Peak,
Seeking the nectar of Odin,
Ne'er did those varlets descend Stony Peak,
Speaking of them is verboten.
In my youth, I loved, on Stony Peak,
A witch born of Ursa and Felis,
As weasel unchecked, as mead honey-flecked,
And my slumber is yet haunted by this Venus.
Stony Peak!
I shall e'er regard
Thee as mine own backyard,
Noble, ancient Stony Peak,
Stony Peak of Midgard,
Stony Peak of Midgard.
I'm a warrior born and a warlord made
To conquer the final frontiers,
But they put my ship in a cryogen dip,
And they froze us for four hundred years.
I was perfect in body and in mind,
Genetically engineered,
Till a pretty-boy captain destroyed all my plans
And the damn rabble neo-fen cheered.
He marooned me on Ceti Alpha Five,
Ceti Six blew up, barely twenty survived,
But I'm back in space and the blood from their faces
Will drain when I finally arrive.
So find me a ship, Reliant will do,
Find me an anchovy covered in goo,
It will go in the ear of a young Russian jerk,
Who will send out a signal to James T. Kirk.
Bring me my lunch, I feel quite starved,
It may look like steak, but it's Kirk's heart I carve,
In the back of your fridge may be ten kinds of mold,
But vengeance is best served cold,
Vengeance is best served cold.
The indignities that I suffered at his hands,
Those endless unbearable days,
Selling rich Corinthian leather and being
A straight man to Herve Villechaise.
My wife lies buried beneath these sands,
The breath from her body was ripped.
Who believes his claim that he wasn't to blame?
All his buddies were writing the script!
He's an admiral with supplemental pay,
Doing Barbary Coast, selling almost-Parkay,
But my brand of Promise: He'll hope that his Mom is
Around if he gets in my way!
So find me a ship, Reliant will do,
Find me an anchovy covered in goo,
It will go in the ear of a young Russian jerk,
Who will send out a signal to James T. Kirk.
Bring me my lunch, I feel quite starved,
It may look like steak, but it's Kirk's heart I carve,
In the back of your fridge may be ten kinds of mold,
But vengeance is best served cold,
There's a building on the corner,
You know it's the House of God.
And the man inside says makin' love is wrong
And nobody finds that odd.
'Cause he's never made love in his lifetime,
He's never been held in the night,
He's never shared laughter or tears in the arms
Of the one who could make it all right.
His God is his comfort, his God is his shield,
Against all temptation to which he might yield,
And he never wonders why God gave him flesh
whose desires lead him so far afield?
He's never imagined it otherwise,
And pleasure ain't part of the plan,
And true love waits for the faithful
To be more than a woman and man.
They tell all the young men and women
To give themselves over to God,
For the Kingdom of Heaven awaits you
If down the right path you have trod.
And knowledge denies what we're sure of,
And faith is a beautiful thing,
And everything's suddenly different when
She slips on his wedding ring.
Their God is their comfort, their God is their cause,
Their God's more important than reason or laws,
And they never wonder why God makes them wait,
The purpose behind the pause.
Their own feelings aren't as important
As pleasing the man up above,
And true love waits for the faithful
To show that they're greater than love.
It don't matter what all the facts are,
'Cause facts are from secular schools
And God in his Heaven will love and protect you
So long as you follow the rules.
The next life is gonna be better,
As long as you answer the call,
Amidst all this thunder I can't help but wonder
Why bother with this life at all?
There's a million young men and women
Who've promised themselves to the Lord.
They know sex distracts you from thinkin' 'bout Gabriel
Wielding his mighty sword.
And their destinies lie before them,
To be the best husbands and wives,
They only need stifle the instincts God gave them
The rest of their natural lives.
Their God is their pillar, their God is their rock,
Their God is their shepherd, and they are the flock,
And they never wonder why God makes them do things
The rest of the world will mock.
And denial is a river in Egypt,
And all the best people abstain,
And true love waits for the faithful
To learn how to live with the pain.
And those who may falter aren't worthy
They've failed themselves and their kin,
And true love waits for the virtuous,
Who've never committed a sin.
And what you believe's more important
Than truth that might get in the way,
And true love waits for the righteous
Welcome, nice to meet you,
We've been waiting for so long,
In the hope that you'd drop by our little store.
We may not be accessible
To everyone, it's true,
But we've got everything you want and more.
So many other eyes have held the anguish in your own,
Ambition burns within you like a fire,
And I believe we have the thing
To satisfy your every black desire.
The things you want are found beyond doors
More obscure than mine,
But they will open if you have the proper key.
The pleasures of the ages
And the tortures of the damned
Are at your fingertips for just a modest fee.
And each sadistic fantasy exceeds the one before,
You'll not believe the wonders to unfold,
The mystery and majesty locked up
Inside this box of black and gold.
You twist it, and you pull it, and you twist a little
more,
Then you wait for your new playmates to rise up from
the floor.
If you want to buy damnation, I've got some to sell,
Come take a chance and raise a little Hell.
The greatest aphrodisiac
Is power, so they say,
Ambition leads to daring new extremes.
But goals are meant to be fulfilled,
And once you have, your careful-knit
Existence can unravel at the seams.
Contentment leads to boredom, to frustration, to the
grave,
A wasted life of emptiness and pain...
Unless, of course, you walk the roads
A lesser man would surely call insane.
The world is made of other worlds
We barely know are there,
And beings that we cannot understand.
Some are helpers, some are healers,
Some have made an art form
Of the vivisection of their fellow man.
You'll marvel at their scrupulous attention to detail,
Creativeness and exquisite technique,
And when they've had you for awhile,
You'll say "I love you" every time you shriek.
They tease you, and caress you, and they slowly break
your heart,
Then oh-so-very carefully, they tear your soul apart.
If life means nothing more to you, I think you might as
well
Come take a chance and raise a little Hell.
Everything is relative
Within the eyes of God,
Someone's pain brings someone else's delight,
And all it takes is just a subtle
Shift in point of view
To make the wrongs of Man seem good and right.
But I should give you warning that a thing that's done
is done,
You cannot just abandon it and go,
And if you try, you may find out
Eternity is longer than you know.
They play with every inch of skin, and seek out every
nerve,
An Inquisition giving you what you think you deserve.
Where agony and ecstasy unite, you'll never tell,
She: I'm not really drunk, and I'm not really tired.
So why does my head feel so light?
He's given his heart to me,
I'm still unwrapping the bow.
Everything we've ever done has conspired
to bring us together tonight.
But do I really want this to happen?
I think so.
Both: There's a moment of fear as you're pulling me
near,
but not of your everyday harms.
The chance that I take is that when I awake,
you'll be somewhere that's not in my arms.
He: No, don't open your eyes,
That would spoil the surprise,
And it doesn't take vision to see
You know in your heart, that all of your dreams
Are me.
He: The night's too dark, and the wind's too cool,
And a chill is on your skin.
You're looking for love, like every fool,
But you don't know where to begin.
Well, here in the darkness is where it lies,
And here in the dark you'll start.
Just open your mind, close your eyes,
And listen to the sound of your heart.
She: Don't tell me about the sound of a heart,
When you've never even heard your own.
Here in the dark is where you'll start
To bloody well leave me alone.
I don't want any thing you might be selling,
And my only coin is hate!
He: Well, you might not like all the tales I'm telling,
But you know I'm telling it straight.
You don't want a man who trusts you,
'Cause his woman is all that you'll be.
You don't want a man who needs you,
'Cause betrayal is all that he'll see.
You don't want a man who loves you,
'Cause your fires have got to burn free.
When you weed out the deadwood,
You start to learn,
There's a spark in your heart
That's starting to burn,
And the heat of the blood is rising.
She: Don't tell me about love and trust
'Cause you've never felt either one. He: Don't think,
just feel,
Let the sound
Play off of your skin
Your passion is only cloying lust
And your promises overdone. With me you're more real
than you
Ever might have been.
Don't say anything,
'Cause I won't listen
No matter how sweet your voice. Let your fantasies
Ride the magic in my voice,
She: I don't want to like how
Your eyes can glisten --
He: And you don't have much of a choice! Your mouth is
dry as tinder,
And the spark starts catching flame
Your throat is raw as kindling,
And it lights up just the same.
Your breath is a fiery wind, dear,
That whispers the sound of my name.
And the fever's so high you can barely stand,
And the only relief is the touch of my hand,
And the heat of the blood is rising!
He: Your flesh is soft,
And your touch is sweet,
But it's got the wrong
Shape and tones.
By the light in your eyes
And the burning heat,
There's a dragon down
Deep in your bones! She: No way.
No how.
Not here,
Not now,
Not fair,
Not true,
Not me,
Not YOU!
Your skin is moist and steaming,
And your collar's tight as a noose. So many times
you've lied,
I've given up keeping score.
You know that you
Can't be dreaming,
But the knowledge
Has got no use. So little left of my pride,
I don't know what I keep it for.
And you know you're
Going to start screaming
If you don't let it
All run loose So much building up inside,
I don't want to hold
Back any more
Both: And my (your) hand on your (my) skin
Is a flint on steel,
and the fire burning higher
Is all you (I) can feel,
And the heat of the blood is rising!
He: Your breath is a sweet inferno,
And your lips are cinnamon wine
You shed your clothes like a snakeskin,
And around each other we'll twine
And you won't stop writhing against me,
And I believe you'll be mine
Your body's burning like the surface of the sun,
And at last you're learning
Tonight I've won, and --
He: The heat of the blood is rising -- (x 8) She: The
heat of the blood is rising -- (x 7)
She: Don't tell me about the sound of a heart,
When you've never even heard your own!
You may know blood with a lover's art,
But you don't know flesh and bone.
You talk about passion and desire,
Like a star of its lost shine,
Well, together we build a raging fire,
But the rage is mine, all mine!
She: You don't want a woman
who trusts you,
'Cause she'll take what pain
you devise. He: No magic, no spell!
You don't want a woman
who needs you,
'Cause she'll see through all
Of your lies. You've blown it to Hell!
You don't want a woman
Who loves you,
'Cause she'll look you square
In the eyes. You should be a shell!
Oh, your gaze so clear,
And your face so fair,
But when you look in the mirror,
there's nothing there,
And the heat of the
blood is rising! He: I've had it with all your
allusions,
To the way it's supposed to be,
Both: No more of your tricks or delusions,
It's come down to you and me
This has only been cuts and contusions,
Compared to the carnage you'll see,
At last I know what I've been fighting for,
And you better be ready, 'cause now it's war,
And the heat of the blood is rising.
And the heat of the blood is rising.
And the heat of the blood is rising.
We welcome you to our beautiful island
And lift your spirit with our traditional island song.
Koma will translate.
Naha nehi / neh-a lei-a he mi / ay ma maia me hanni ney
naha nehi / neh-a alli wa hai / mia meh-a me hanni oo
Important -- Listen Carefully.
This song is a legal agreement between you, hereafter
referred to as "the listener", and us, hereafter
referred to as "the band". You agree to be bound by the
terms of this song. If you do not agree to be bound by
the terms of this song, do not listen to it.
Nahi nehi / me got sand in my eye / and me think me
should buy a new shoe
Mia mi hi / try papaya stir fry / with pastrami on rye
and a dew
You may listen to this song one time, right now, when
we're singing it. If you want to listen to it again,
you must [a] buy our album, [b] put money in the tip
jar, or [c] learn it yourself. You are prohibited from
learning it yourself unless we teach you. We reserve
the right to teach you incorrectly.
Mia no like no tahini / mia no like chocolate cake
Mia prefer some linguini / just like me mom used to
make
If you decide you do not like the song, you must
completely remove it from your memory. We recommend a
partial frontal lobotomy or a substantial intake of
Jack Daniels. (Always drink responsibly.)
Mia me hey / we with the N S A / we record what you say
on the phone
So you might like / to speak into the mike / if someday
you apply for a loan
You agree that the band may collect personal data from
you. This includes your wife's age and weight, your
bowling average, and the phone number of your hot
teenage daughter. This may be sold or distributed to
our partners, usually in the format "For a good time,
call...".
Bet you surprised / we been singing so long / without
mentioning Mister Don Ho
Look to the skies / get the sun in your eyes / Look,
Zaphod's just this guy, you know?
You agree to give us your bank account and credit card
numbers. We don't really expect you to, but some people
are just that dumb.
Are you going to eat that?
Mia no care want you wantee / mia no care what you
think
Mia got all of your money / plus you owe mia a drink
Your exclusive remedy for any breach of this Limited
Warranty is as follows: Tough noogie. Any damage you
suffer from sitting too close to the amplifiers is your
own fault. I mean, come on. They're ukeleles.
Naha me hey / in the U S of A / breaker breaker good
buddy ten four
Thank you for play / ing, now please go away / don't
let yourself get hit by the door
If you heard this song in the United States, this
license is governed by the laws of the State of Hawaii.
If you heard this song in Canada, you are obviously a
music pirate, as we have never been to Canada and don't
sell records there. The Mounties are on their way over
right now; please wait for their arrival and DO NOT
DESTROY THE EVIDENCE.
Nahi neh hi / neh-a lei-a he mi / iy ma maia me hanni
ney hi
listen to Ray / Charles sing "what you say" / na na na
na, hey hey, goodbye
This EULA is the entire agreement between you and the
band. If you have questions about any part of this
agreement, it's too late. There's nobody here to talk
to, and if there were we wouldn't answer the phone.
Aloha....
Here I am in hypersleep
Awaiting my awakening,
I'm travelling near the speed of light
To our new colony,
Except I'm trying to figure out
How come I'm still awake when they
Assured me I would be unconscious --
Oh well, must be me.
Maybe I should think about
My S.O. in the next tube over,
How we're gonna celebrate
The day we finally land
Well, actually, that night or maybe
Later 'cause we'll be unpacking
I'll think about that later,
When I can move my hand.
Wish I had a bedtime story
I could read to make me sleep,
One of the Harry Potter books,
Or maybe Dr. Suess
I do not like green eggs and ham,
I do not like them Sam I am,
I do not like them with a goat,
Or a majestic moose.
Mind you, a moose once bit my sister.
How horribly she was attacked,
Moose bites can be pretty nasty
Those responsible have been sacked.
Hey there, NASA, have you heard the news?
I'm awake in my deep freeze, thinkin' bout a stupid
moose,
I've got the hyperspace cryogenic insomnia blues.
Hum hum hum hum hm hum hum hum,
Hum hm hum hum hummmm hm hum,
Menahmenah dee dee de dee dee
Menahmenah dee dee de dee
Menahmenah dee dee de dee dee
It's a small world after all,
That's why we left that mudball,
Hypersleeping in free fall
To a new world after all.
Menahmenah dee dee de dee dee
Menahmenah dee dee de dee
Wish I had some NyQuil here,
Or maybe just a keg of beer,
Or my S.O. in something sheer,
Or Salma Hayek, what a rear....
Baby got back,
Baby got back,
Baby got back....
I'm back to the future again,
I hope I'll sleep but I don't know when,
Of course if I wake up too soon,
It's cause we hit some alien moon --
I'm crashed in the spaceship again.
Menahmenah dee dee de dee dee
Menahmenah dee dee de dee
Oh good, I see a status light,
To tell me where we are in flight
We're two weeks out of Terran orbit,
Ten years left to go....
Lesser men would go insane,
But I'm the one who runs this brain --
Don't have to work and not in pain,
I'll be just fine, I know.
Please God, I beg you, let me die,
The solitude is more than I
Can handle for ten minutes,
Let alone a whole decade.
There's no one there to set me free,
And worse than this captivity:
My sweetie's sleeping next to me
And we cannot get laid!
I need you, more than anyone darlin',
But right now I can't even weep,
So suck it up, buttercup -- go back to sleep.
Menahmenah dee dee de dee dee
Worlds grow old and suns grow cold
And death we never can doubt.
Time's cold wind, wailing down the past,
Reminds us that all flesh is grass
And history's lamps blow out.
But the Eagle has landed; tell your children when.
Time won't drive us down to dust again.
Cycles turn while the far stars burn,
And people and planets age.
Life's crown passes to younger lands,
Time brushes dust of hope from his hands
And turns another page.
But the Eagle has landed; tell your children when.
Time won't drive us down to dust again.
But we who feel the weight of the wheel
When winter falls over our world
Can hope for tomorrow and raise our eyes
To a silver moon in the opened skies
And a single flag unfurled.
But the Eagle has landed; tell your children when.
Time won't drive us down to dust again.
We know well what Life can tell:
If you would not perish, then grow.
And today our fragile flesh and steel
Have laid our hands on a vaster wheel
With all of the stars to know
That the Eagle has landed; tell your children when.
Time won't drive us down to dust again.
From all who tried out of history's tide,
Salute for the team that won.
And the old Earth smiles at her children's reach,
The wave that carried us up the beach
To reach for the shining sun.
For the Eagle has landed; tell your children when.
We come
In through a rip in the window screen
And the good vibrations of the washing machine
There are kids and a dog but we just can't stop
There's a ripe banana on the countertop
And if we had 'em, we'd stuff our cheeks,
There's enough for us to live on for weeks,
If you toss it out, it's too late anyway,
We're here and we're here to stay.
And we're friendly, harmless little tiny flies
And we're up your nose and in front of your eyes
Why we keep coming back you'll never know
Go! Drosophila, go!
Our full name is Drosophila Melanogaster
And you'll wish you could send us to Madagascar
The slightest morsel or the smallest drop
Is an invitation to set up shop
A hot dog bun or a week-old peach
Will be invaded like Omaha Beach
A potato chip or an orange rind,
Is a big honkin' neon sign.
And you've used enough Lysol to kill Rodan
But you missed one grape in the garbage can
Might as well give up, it's the status quo,
Go! Drosophila, go!
In genetics research, we're a plus
We've got big DNA and we breed like us
We could've had a science career, it's true,
But we'd rather hang around right here with you
We don't understand why you're afraid of flies
'Cause you're only a billion times our size
We're as big as the dot on the letter "i",
But you flail like Frankenstein when we come by,
Bring your sticky paper, your Off and Raid,
We were already dying and our eggs are laid,
You'll think you're finally rid of us when
It starts all over again!
Just abandon your kitchen when we come to play,
You didn't need those calories anyway,
Nyeah nyeah nyeah nyean nyeah nyeah nyeah, you're too
slow,
Go! Drosophila, go!
Go! Drosophila, go!
When the moon is dark and the night is deep,
The shutters rattle and the shadows creep,
The women are costly, the wine is cheap,
And you can do anything but get to sleep.
You know you're a different breed,
And the night has what you need,
Nothing else is quite as real,
But it can't be seen -- you're gonna have to feel.
You're staring at the ceiling and you're all alone,
And through the walls you can hear them groan,
And every movement and every moan
Is another reminder you're on your own.
Well, let me tell you, baby, that's a load of crap,
Look at the window, listen for the rap,
Look in my eyes, and you're in my trap --
I need a new lover and you're on tap.
Everything you know is real,
Even things you can't see or feel,
It's a night that you won't regret -- and if you're
Looking for some loving, well,
You ain't seen nothing yet.
Open up the door and let me in,
There's a lot more here than a life of sin,
The kind of a game that we both can win,
Let me hold your breath, let me taste your skin.
You don't need the bluest eyes,
I don't need to tell you lies,
I'm starving, and you're a feast,
You're more than a lover -- you're meat for the Beast.
You think you're stronger but I think not,
You can feel your defenses start to rot,
Your hands are shaking and your skin is hot,
Your body betrays you, but it's all you've got.
You want to hold back but you're over the line,
You could never get this drunk on wine,
Your eyes are hopin' for a vital sign,
Your thighs are open and your throat is mine.
There's a rush in every vein,
After pleasure, long past pain,
Solid steam and burning wet,
And if you're thinking that I'm bluffing, well,
You ain't seen nothing yet.
Don't try asking why or how,
It's too late to turn back now,
The blood is pounding to your core,
There's nothing left, but you're giving me more.
Then you open your eyes and you're still here,
With a little more wisdom, a lot less fear,
The night sounds ringin' a bit more clear,
Your nerves are alive, your skin is sheer.
Your body's cold as an icy sheet,
But deep inside there's a brand-new heat,
And every breath is dry and sweet,
No longer mortal, no longer meat.
The beat of your heart has a different tone,
You'd never believe the proof if shown,
Better say goodbye to the life you've known,
You may be lonely but you're not alone.
The world is bigger than the things you see,
And riding the edge is the place to be,
Living your life for the sensory,
Fearing nothing -- 'cept, maybe, me.
Everything you know is real,
That's the first part of the deal,
Less than partner, more than pet,
And if you think you've had some loving -- HA!
We never have ruled this world, my friends, though at ownership we lie.
No, do not be fooled -- this world is mens', while the Sun is in the sky.
We are all unmade by that burning bane;
Still, a broken blade can inflict no pain --
If its light should fade, only we shall reign,
And the blood will ne'er run dry,
Thus, I swear: The Sun shall die!
For a thousand times a thousand years, our kind has ruled the night.
Forbidden crimes and primal fears have given us our might.
Yet those who hate us know that they
Need only wait for the dawn's first ray
To escape our fate for another day,
Defended by its light.
I say, it ends tonight!
Who should care if they have the day?
Hey! for the life eternal-o!
By night we hunt and they're our prey,
Ho! for the death of Time!
Let them rage at the life we lead,
Hey! for the life eternal-o!
Beneath the Sun they age and bleed,
Ho! for the death of Time.
Our weakness is the key, my friends,
The light we so despise.
We've had eternity, my friends,
In darkness to grow wise.
Our flesh is cold and theirs is hot,
But youth we hold while they do not,
We don't grow old but the humans rot
Before each other's eyes,
For they see each sunrise.
Douse that light and we'll stop the clock,
Hey! for the life eternal-o!
Endless night and deathless stock,
Ho! for the death of Time!
And when the darkness fills the sky,
Hey! for the life eternal-o!
We'll seize the world and bleed it dry,
Ho! for the death of Time!
Hey! for the humans' funeral bell,
Hey for the sound of the final knell,
Now listen, and my plan I'll tell...
The death and dooming of the Sun is not an easy task.
The gods by whom the world is run have prices they will ask.
No wealth or tool could you purloin,
Their hearts are cruel for a different coin,
The living jewel from a goddess's loin
Will buy for us the Sun.
I know of such a one.
Each beating of her heart's a note in a symphony of power.
I'll take her mind and love and throat and pluck her like a flower,
And when it's done and her heart is tame,
The magic won in her mother's name
Will snuff the Sun like a candle flame,
Let that darkness be her dower,
Oh, and how the blood will shower.
Such a mate I vow to wed,
Hey! for the life eternal-o!
And celebrate with a river of red,
Ho! for the death of Time!
Tourmaline will prove her worth,
Hey! for the life eternal-o!
The undead queen of a broken Earth,
Ho! for the death of Time!
Hey! for the humans' funeral bell,
Hey! for the sound of the final knell,
Hey! for the Sun being blown to Hell,
Sing Ho! for the death,
Ho! for the death,
Well, the pizza biz ain't what it used to be,
It's a dangerous job for a boy like me.
Jay-walkers stare like you lost your mind,
Speed-traps ahead of you, muggers behind.
I've been robbed eight times at somebody's door,
I'm mad and I ain't gonna take no more,
So the next time somebody goes for the cash,
I've got a turret-mounted laser wired up to the dash.
Domino Death, we're gonna have some fun,
Domino Death, you better duck and run,
Domino Death, you better do your best,
Or I'll deliver you to Hell in thirty minutes or less.
I've got an armor-plated van with a Teflon sheen,
A Plexiglas windshield, Polaroid green,
Bullet-proof tires with a Kevlar mesh,
And a hotbox to keep your pepperonis fresh.
I've got an on-board computer to do my math,
A big cow-catcher to clear my path,
And I'll fry the brains of anyone I miss --
I've got a tape of Frank Sinatra singing Grace Jones and KISS.
Domino Death, I'm crazy as Hell,
Domino Death, I hope you tip real well,
Domino Death, you better watch for me,
And if you manage to survive, you get the pizza for free.
Well, you can beg and plead, but it's just no use,
I'm over the edge, I don't need an excuse,
I'll blow off your head for getting double cheese,
And I wouldn't say, "NO ANCHOVIES, PLEASE."
I keep the streets empty night and day,
Fire trucks and funerals get out of my way.
Now I'm looking around to see who I've missed,
And I guess Little Caesar's is next on the list.
Domino Death, it's no big loss,
Domino Death, you'd better love the sauce,
Domino Death, just pick up the phone,
We're courteous and friendly, like Sylvester Stallone.
Domino Death, I've got a double for you,
Domino Death, I'll get your roommate ('family', 'neighbors', pick one), too,
Domino Death, you'll go like the rest,
I'll deliver you to Hell in thirty minutes or less...
It's been... five years since we went online,
Laurel Takashima's gone, but Susan's so fine,
Five years since the Vorlon came,
Someone tried to kill him, Sinclair didn't take the
blame.
Twelve years since we held the Line,
Twenty-four hours missing outta Jeff's mind,
Yesterday, it went off TV.,
But it'll still be okay, 'cause we got the story.
Oh my God, how it enthralled me, with Garibaldi,
He's getting' balder every season.
He got attacked, his buddy Jack, he went and shot him
in the back,
To keep on track the planned assassination/treason.
Hot like Ivanova and Talia, we're gonna Draal ya,
And then we'll kick a little Zathras,
Al Bester's in the Psi Corps, we got a mind war,
Ironheart's the mower and you're the grass.
Lennier and Vir will share a beer and watch Adira
disappear,
Without her, Londo's Morden likely bound for darkness,
So it begins, and then Delenn will spin Triluminary
Thin and glowing spiderwebs and step into the
Chrysalis.
G'Kar is helpless, then he's hostile, then a holy man,
Trying hard not to smile in front of Sheridan,
I'm the kinda guy who laughs at the Shadow horde,
Can't understand, then you're not a three-edged sword,
I have a tendency to do my thinking with my hands,
I have a history of taking off my gloves.
It's been... five years since Third Age began,
John met Delenn, but Anna would be back again,
Five years since we met Neroon,
He ended up a hero, started out a major loon,
Three years since the Shadow War,
Nastier than any aliens we've seen before,
Yesterday, all the Narns were freed,
But there is something still Keeping hold on Centauri.
Medieval Marcus, the Rescue Ranger,
Lorien shows up, and things get stranger,
Watching out the window of a White Star, it came from
Minbar,
And then we'll steal Babylon Four.
Sinclair's fork would be a Valen Tine, he travels
through time,
And Ba-Bear-Lon Five is too cute.
Lyta comes back and she's eyin' a guy named Byron,
And Reebo in a Zooty Zoot Suit.
Gonna meet the violence with defiance and Alliance
Cause the giants left the playground with a lot of
blood and sorrow.
Gonna get a room on Z'Ha'Dum, the ship'll zoom,
And then go Boom Shubba Lubba 'cause there's always one
tomorrow.
How can I help it if I think they're driving Johnny
mad?
All the time used to smile, now he's Dave's dad,
I'm the kinda guy who'd rather walkabout than run,
Can't understand why they killed their own son.
I have a tendency to shorten everybody's hair,
I have a history of lopping off heads.
It's been... five years since "The Gathering",
Beginning, middle, end, Joe wrapped up the whole thing,
Five years since we saw this show,
How good it was gonna get, there was no way to know,
Three years since we really knew,
We voted Joe a Hugo, then we gave him Number Two,
Yesterday, it went off TV.,
But we have still got Crusade, so we ain't too sorry.
Still got Crusade, so we ain't too sorry....
Joe, I've seen Crusade -- you're gonna be sorry.
Theme from "Space Squid"
(keywords: space, squid; style: rock 'n' roll)
From the other side of the galaxy,
Came a U.F.O. as big as could be,
Out came a giant cephalapod,
Wearing blue spandex on his bod
He said, "All your hostilities, cease!
I'm not an enemy, I come in peace,
I am here to save you from
The deadly menaces yet to come."
He can fight, he can fly,
He always says "do or die",
He's... Space Squid, and he's come here to save the
world.
So our hero, the Mollusk of Might,
The Cosmic Calimari, is ready to fight
Against the forces that evil sends
And for his Japanese child friends
This is Ken, and that's his sister,
She had a name, but we musta missed 'er,
And together, these exciting three
Battle against Doctor Sashimi.
He can swim, he can squirt,
You can hit him and he won't get hurt,
He's... Space Squid, friend to every boy and girl.
He's... Space Squid, and he's come here to save the
To surf on the net, or to surf TV channels,
Over and over, there's been one request:
It's Xena we want, the Warrior Princess,
At least Gabrielle, and we want them undressed.
Now, I have to admit, they're not unattractive,
But if we're talking fantasies, I want the best.
Aye, Callisto, I think that I love you,
You psycho bitch leather queen killer bombshell.
Hai, Callisto, I sing to your spirit,
I'm doing it now, 'cause you're going to Hell.
Ai-yi-yi!
Whoh-ooh-ohh...
Ai-yi-yi!
Whoh-ooh-ohh...
I've noticed a trend in the Xena fan-fiction:
Our heroes are lesbians, friendly and more...
Meanwhile, on the show, they're all into bondage,
Shackles, and leather, and sex on the floor.
If these two trends combine, we'll get... Mistress Callisto...
Enslaving our heroes...
... the ratings will soar!
Aye, Callisto, put Xena in irons,
I hope you take Gabrielle over your knee,
But, why, Callisto, does Xena obsess you?
You do it to her, but I wish it was me.
Aye, Callisto, I think that I love you,
You psycho bitch leather queen killer bombshell.
Hai, Callisto, I sing to your spirit,
An hour with you would be worth any Hell.
Ai-yi-yi!
I-I-olous -- wait, that's the other show...
Ai-yi-yi!
Whoh-ooh-ohh...
(The extra verse and chorus mentioned above)
She once was a babe, a blonde in black leather,
A sexier snuff queen you never would find;
But then came the plots where Xena redeems her,
And now she's all gentle and loving and kind;
Her wings are a joke, and her robes sure are glowing,
Some jerkface producer is out of his mind...
Aiee, Callisto, you're Touched By An Angel,
A cloying self-righteous defender of peace,
I, Callisto, speak for your male viewers:
