It could have been an episode of Underbelly.
Two rival mobs – one with a passing association with bikie club members, the other with a keen interest in shipments of guns to kill pigs – battled for control of contested territory.
Thankfully there was no need for afternoon telly viewers to shield their eyes from slo-mo montages of gratuitous sex. No, this was just another parliamentary question time.
For a second day running, Parliament was dominated by the maybe/maybe-not ban on the importation of the rapid-fire Adler shotgun, which Nationals members say is particularly useful for shooting feral pigs.
From the start Labor unleashed a sustained barrage of fire at Malcolm Turnbull and his government over their willingness to water down John Howard's tough Port Arthur massacre gun laws to get a deal to crack down on unions with crossbench senator David Leyonhjelm.
Labor's Tanya Plibersek asked Malcolm Turnbull that if the Adler import ban was so set in stone why did his Nationals colleague Mark Coulton say he hoped the ban was lifted because "I know of one gun dealer who has hundreds on order" awaiting the decision?
Skirmish
During Turnbull's return of fire – that Labor didn't respect country folk who need guns, the real problem is illegal firearms and Labor doesn't back the Coalition's hardline on gun smuggling – a minor skirmish broke out on the sidelines.
Kelly O'Dwyer complained to Speaker Tony Smith that Labor's Michelle Rowland said something unparliamentary about "shooting people".
Sadly Hansard did not pick up this scintillating repartee, so here it is:
Rowland: I did not!
O'Dwyer and Steven Ciobo: Oh yes, you did.
Rowland: Oh no, I didn't!
O'Dwyer and Ciobo: Did!
Rowland: Did not!
Luckily the Coalition had new a stealth weapon ready for question time.
Unlikely secret weapon
Immigration minister Peter Dutton, who really irritates Labor MPs even when he's being friendly, was deployed to deflect Labor's "Guns for Votes" attack.
Using a Dorothy Dixer on immigration laws, Dutton segued from visa cancellations for serious crimes including 100 outlaw motorcycle gang members for armed robbery, assault, drug charges and grievous bodily harm.
Labor listened, perplexed.
"Not every Australian is supportive of the work we are doing in cancelling the visas," Dutton informed the House.
He went on to recount newspaper reports in May that the CFMEU organiser Mick Powell and unionist Stu-e Corkran attended a Rebels motorbike gang protest against the visa cancellation of a Rebels gang member.
"He may be an extortionist, a robber, he may turn up on to building sites and muscle subcontractors and people in a shocking way, but he is not too smart, Stu-e," Dutton said.
"He turned up at his Rebels outfit but what gave the game away was he was using a CFMEU-emblazoned megaphone. Automatically, we knew he wasn't just a bikie lover but he was a CFMEU official."
Suddenly Dutton's attack becomes clear: Rebels biker gang links to CFMEU, CFMEU donates $10 million to Labor, ergo Labor likes bikies.
"Bikie Bill Shorten needs to realise the Australian people have worked him out," Dutton said as the Opposition erupted in fury.
