Bryan Cranston: 'I was Walter White – but I was never more myself'

Listen to the Breaking Bad star read from his new memoir A Life in Parts, revealing how he ‘became’ his famously degenerate character – and the most harrowing scene he ever filmed

Breaking Bad actor Bryan Cranston: ‘‘I was Walter White – but I was never more myself’
Breaking Bad actor Bryan Cranston: ‘‘I was Walter White – but I was never more myself’ Photograph: Mike McGregor for the Guardian

Remembering the torturous scene at the end of series two of Breaking Bad, in which Jesse’s girlfriend Jane dies of an overdose while Walter White watches over her, Bryan Cranston opens his autobiography A Life in Parts with a gripping anecdote. Slowly overlaid onto Jane’s face, as filming continued, was that of his own daughter, Taylor, and that day, Cranston recalls, “I went to a place I had never been”:

I’d put everything, everything into that scene – all the things I was and all the things I might have been, all the side-roads and missteps, all the stuttering successes and losses I thought might sink me. I was murderous, and I was capable of great love. I was a victim lured by my circumstances, and I was the danger. I was Walter White – but I was never more myself.

Whether it’s a truly transcendental experience or simply the product of sheer exhaustion – Cranston describes gruelling 13-hour days filming in New Mexico – its emotional power surpassed what he had been prepared for, as he reveals in this reading, detailing the moments before, during and after the scene he calls “the most harrowing I did on Breaking Bad”.

When I do the homework for such a delicate scene, I don’t make a plan. My goal when I prepare isn’t to plot out each action and reaction, but to think, what are the possible emotional levels my character could experience. I break the scene down into moments, or beats; by doing that work ahead of time, I leave a number of possibilities available to me. I stay open to the moment, susceptible to whatever comes. The homework doesn’t guarantee anything; with luck, it gives you a shot at something real.

In A Life in Parts, Cranston looks back over his life and career, from his first break in acting, a recurring spot on Seinfeld and his turn as hapless father Hal in Malcolm in the Middle, to the career-defining role of White.

Detailed anecdotes lead to musings on the meaning of performative arts, their inextricability from real life and whether it’s ever really possibly to shed a character’s emotions once filming has stopped.

To hear more from Cranston, join us at a Guardian Live event on Monday 24 October when he will be in conversation with film critic Peter Bradshaw. Find out more and book tickets here.