"Rock N Roll Nerds" by Tim Minchin. All rights to Tim Minchin. Lyrics: He doesn't have a problem with drugs He just doesn't get them He's fine that his mates have tattoos But he thinks they'll regret them He likes going to pubs But he hates when the music's too loud He tends not to go to rock concerts Cause he can't stand the crowds But all he's ever wanted to be Is a rock star on Rage or MTV But he knows that it's not fucking likely He's just turned thirty He knows that he will always be A rock'n'roll nerd He'll keep writing songs the world will never hear And though they won't be heard He'll just keep writing Oh yeah But you see the problem is He always dreamt of being a star But he learned piano instead of guitar Which in the '90s didn't get you very far So while all the other kids were learning Stairway He was the piano to their forte But he was convinced one day He'd rock their fucking asses Be an icon for the disenfranchised masses And grow his hair long And rebel against the state But just for now that'd have to wait Cause he's running late for his morning classes And he will always be A rock'n'roll nerd He'll keep playing gigs that no one knows about And though it sounds absurd He'll just keep playing Oh yeah But you see the problem is There's not much depth in what he's singing He's a victim of his upper middle class upbringing So he can't write about the hood Or bling bling So he sits and imagines his girlfriend is dead To try and invoke some angst in his middle class head But the bitch is always fine at half past nine When they go to bed And he's not spent a single night in prison He has no issues with nutrition He has no drinking problem And no drug addiction Unless you count the drugs they put in chicken And marijuana always tends to make him cough He doesn't look good with his t-shirt off And when he tries to act tough You can tell he's tricking While his mates all go out late Popping pills and having fun He goes home and showers And gets a good eight hours He gets his thrills from his morning run And while his mates all go on dates Taking speed and drinking cans of Jim Bean He stays home and cooks Curls up with a book With the girl he's had since he was seventeen Cause he's never really been part of the scene Give him Guns N' Roses, he'll take Queen He's more into Beatles than The Stones He's more Stevie Wonder than Ramones And he's never owned a panel van He's never shot a Panterra fan He doesn't know the difference between metal and thrash He couldn't tell you nothing about Axel and Slash He likes Ben Folds and the Jackson Five He knows all the words to Staying Alive And though he wants to be all grungy and cool He spent eleven years in a private school So it don't matter how he tries He cannot hide behind his rock'n'roll lies Cause you've either got it or you don't You'll either rock it or you won't Yeah, you've either got it or you don't Yeah, you'll either rock it or you won't He knows that his music lacks depth But it just can't be helped He has nothing interesting to say So he writes about himself But he doesn't want to seem self-obsessed So he writes in third person In an attempt to seem more rock'n'roll But he suspects it's not working And deep in his heart he knows That he'll never be Silver Chair or Eskimo Joe And even if he was quite pretty With small pants like Kylie He knows that he will always be A rock'n'roll nerd He'll keep writing songs the world don't care about And though it sounds absurd He'll just keep writing Oh yeah You can criticise him But he won't care Cause he wants to rock And he will never be deterred But he'll always be a fucked up little Try-hard wannabe rock'n'roll nerd

• published: 17 Feb 2017
• views: 150581