On a holiday to California a few years back, I stumbled innocently into a Whole Foods market. Not only did a whole health-crazed, hyper-coloured and high-cost world open up to me, but I discovered asparagus water. It was three tiny, perfectly formed spears of asparagus in a lovely little liquid-filled bottle … and it was $US6.
I still have no words (apart from: "Do you think it smells like asparagus pee?").
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CHOICE Shonky Awards name and shame
The Shonky Awards put the spotlight on the "worst of the worst" consumer products of 2016.
But you don't have to be at a super-duper market to be lured into buying stuff that's stupidly expensive and well, just stupid. Here are my 13 biggest rip-off purchases.
13. Activated almond milk
Almond "milk" has fewer calories than the almonds used to make it … because lots have been sieved out. At least Whole Foods actually sold you the asparagus. Usually with less than 7 per cent almonds remaining, activated or other, this product is mainly water. And at some $5 or more a litre, it can be far cheaper to make it yourself. While we're on the liquid topic, let's also add any water in bottles – it is free from the tap people! (And the bottles are terrible for the environment.) To quote the 1994 movie Reality Bites: Evian is "naive" spelled backwards. At least it's not as bad as …
12. Canned oxygen
I'm with Choice magazine on this one. It awarded a Shonky to Green and Clean's bottled air, which "captures" the precious O2 in places including the Blue Mountains, Bondi and the Yarra Valley. It's aimed at Chinese tourists looking for some pollution-free air and offers "upward of 255 breaths" for just over $20 a tin. I can't tell you if it smells or tastes like the mountains/beach/grapes, because there's no way I'm buying that.
11. Paying for an ATM
At sometimes $3 a pop, this is simply a disorganised tax. Can't find your bank's ATM? Withdraw cash for free via eftpos at your nearest supermarket.
10. Lotto
If you really must gamble, try art union raffles for a house or car, where the odds are better: one in, say, 400,000 versus one in 77 million, in the case of the Powerball jackpot.
9. Business class airfares
Bummed you can't afford to fly at the front of the plane? Don't be – it saves you from wasting a whole bunch of money very quickly. Sure you could be eating fancy food for a few hours and getting a decent night's sleep, but the people who pay typically five times the price – yes five times! – land at the same time as everyone else.
![Movie popcorn is overpriced.](/web/20161014094227im_/http://www.theage.com.au/content/dam/images/g/r/y/r/7/b/image.related.articleLeadwide.620x349.gryqm4.png/1476355258736.jpg)
8. Movie popcorn
(Actually anything associated with cinema candybars, but this one takes the cake). You can buy 200 grams of microwave popcorn at Coles for $1.90, yet cinemas charge up to $10 for it. Event Cinema's "Magnificent 7" Combo Pack of medium popcorn, medium drink and a choc-top costs $16 (the diabetes is free). Take snacks from home, for goodness sake, hiding them if the chain has an unscrupulous no-outside-foods-or-beverages policy. You could also scope it out early and pre-buy the same sweets.
7. Pet insurance
Unless you have a particularly sick pet or a breed that is likely to get so, this is one insurance you can skip. The excesses are so high and the exclusion lists so long, you could well come out ahead by saving the premiums into a "furry friend fund" instead.
6. Full priced clothes at Myer
Why would you? The store has so many sales you'd be throwing money away. But don't fall for the ploy that the sales are ending; wait until well after that to get as much as 80 per cent off.
5. New TV technology
A 42-inch plasma cost $US14,999 when first introduced in the States in 1997; they're about to cease production altogether. In the space of two decades, we've had plasma, LCD/LED, 3D, HD, curved, now 4K... Seriously just wait a second to buy your new telly – OK a year – and you'll save probably thousands of dollars. But there's something you should never buy new …
4. New cars
Worst. Investment. Ever. Cars lose 30-50 per cent of their value the moment you drive off the show room floor. Be super wary of used car dealerships too, which build in a negotiation buffer as well as a profit premium so they're sure to make a chunk from you. A patient, private sale, where you're willing to walk away, is usually the best way to go. Redbook.com.au gives a good guide for what you should pay.
3. Anything with the word 'wedding' in it
Reliable figures are hard to come by but let's take the most conservative (cough cough) reported average spend on a wedding, from the Easy Weddings annual wedding survey: $36,000. That is almost exactly the amount it takes to carry a couple over its own threshold – it equates to a 10 per cent deposit on today's average $360,900 home loan. Think laterally and in every price inquiry, leave out the inflating "wedding" word.
2. Big bank credit cards
The home loan overcharging is bad, with the Big 4's advertised rate an average of almost 2 percentage points above today's cheapest deals, but credit cards can be 10 percentage points more. Crazy. If you carry over a balance from month-to-month, get a 0 per cent balance transfer and use this interest-free window (of up to 24 months) to clear your debt forever.
1. Everything for which you don't use The Entertainment Book
This huge book of vouchers saves you money at just so many bars, restaurants and attractions. It will get you a big discount on those cinema movie tickets, too. Available at a cost of about $65, from pretty much all charities, you can save money and help your favourite cause. Beautiful.
I'd love to hear your ex-y additions to my outrage list.
Post script: Foxtel adroitly escaped inclusion at the last minute. I was cranky about yet another sweet deal for new customers only and, while last year they halved the price for existing standard-package customers to $25 a month, there was widespread outrage when it recently put it back up $1. Foxtel is currently way more expensive than streaming services such as Netflix and Stan (owned by Fairfax), which charge as little as $9 a month. But it's just announced it is closing its own streaming service, Presto, and migrating customers to the new Foxtel Play, use-your-own-device service that will launch in December, for which the price tiers will almost match the competition. Watch this space.
Nicole Pedersen-McKinnon is a commentator and educator who delivers Smart Money Start, fun financial literacy, in high schools throughout Australia. themoneymentorway.com
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